All of us have our issues, the disappointments and emotional scars that can sometimes cripple our emotional health and inhibit growth and progress. Here is a mind-shifting perspective that helps me, and which I trust may help you as well:

Only one person at a time can drive my car: me or someone else. Since I’m the main person who does, the driver’s seat is adjusted perfectly for me. If someone else wants to drive my car, he or she will most likely need to readjust the mirrors, the seat and the steering wheel because the default setting is set perfectly just for me.

As with my car, my thoughts, behaviors and emotions can also be driven by either one of two entities: my animal self or my neshamah—my G‑dly soul. Our animal self is the part of us that wants self-preservation—that thinks about me and my needs and pleasure in this moment. Our neshamah is our G‑dly soul that is transcendent and thinks about our relationship with our Creator.

G‑d created humans with the default setting for our animal self to be the driver in all we think, say and do. In order to let our neshamah be the driving force behind our behaviors, thoughts and emotions, we have to readjust our driver’s seat settings every time.

It takes effort to move the animal self out of the driver’s seat to let our neshamah be our driver. I describe this effort as an inner battle because every moment that my neshamah is in the driver’s seat, my animal self is tugging away at my neshamah’s sleeve saying, “You can’t think, say or do this! Look at all this horrible stuff going on … you have to move over and let me drive! You’re doing it all wrong!”

Meanwhile, I’m struggling to readjust the mirrors, seat and steering wheel because they keep moving back to their default setting. This takes a lot of effort and energy.

One of the tools I use to help me win this battle is to focus on the G‑dly spark within me—my neshamah. I then choose to actively shine a spotlight onto all the things that G‑d provides me with that I am grateful for. I go through a huge list of things to thank G‑d for: my ability to connect with G‑d, my teachers, family, friends, good health, clean drinking water, clean air to breathe, delicious food to eat, my home, my bed, my vision and hearing, ability to speak and understand things, books, cats, computers, Internet, phone, air-conditioning, beaches, rain and so on.

When I see all the beautiful, wonderful blessings from G‑d that I get to experience, this infuses me with the type of energy that I need in order to keep my neshamah in the driver’s seat. Of course, this doesn’t take away the pain; it just moves the pain out of my driver’s seat. I know that pain is still there. I see it, but I choose not to let it drive my behaviors, thoughts and feelings.

Sometimes, when l try to explain this to people, they get the impression that I’m using the old tool of ignoring my problems in hopes that they will go away. But choosing to spotlight my blessings is very different than ignoring my problems.

I know that ignoring problems doesn’t make them go away. To ignore something takes a conscious effort. This effort uses a strong energy that is destructive. Immersing oneself in this type of energy is taxing and toxic to us and everyone around us.

To acknowledge something but then choose to spotlight or focus on something else, on the other hand, uses an entirely different type of energy—one that is constructive. Immersing oneself in this type of energy helps in the battle to keep our neshamah in our driver’s seat.

Were I to ignore the pain and disappointment, I would be immersing myself and everyone else around me in a destructive energy that would take its toll and surely evict my neshamah from the driver’s seat of my thoughts, behaviors and actions.

Instead, I acknowledge my pain and discomfort. I see it. It exists; it hurts. But then I remember that this is exactly what G‑d has specifically prepared just for me in order for me to fulfill my life’s purpose.