Why You Should Be a Fake: Parshat Terumah
Why should I act in a way that contradicts my true feelings? Should I present a façade of calmness even when I really want to lash out in anger?
Chana Weisberg is host of the Ordinary People, Extraordinary Stories podcast and curator of advanced learning experiences on Chabad.org. She lectures internationally on issues relating to women, relationships, meaning, self-esteem and the Jewish soul. She is the author of six books. Her latest book, Shabbat Delights, is a two-volume series on the weekly Torah portion.
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Let me add that I sense that you are optimistic and loving at heart. Indeed, to be a successful "fake," it greatly helps to be optimistic and loving of heart, even in times of adversity when we feel gloomy and are transitorily pessimistic, such as at the current time in our eventually changing world.
Furthermore, we are all fakes in a variety of ways.
thank you for your thoughtful comment. Even when we're not "feeling" loving or optimistic, acting it can help change our inner perspectives. :)
Yes, I agree entirely! But what are you referring to as our "inner perspective"? As a research psychologist (theorist) who specializes in "personality," I now believe that our "personality" is really the repertoire of our various states of mind, along with their propensity to be experienced and our learned behavioral response to them. When I said that you are optimistic and loving at heart, I think I was referring to your soul (your true being), but maybe to a truer and more prominent sense of your "self." The point here is that changes in our "inner perspective" and our "feeling" are really a change in our state of mind, which may become more salient in our above-mentioned repertoire, and subsequently how we experience our "self" in the future, but with no effect on our soul. Much elaboration is needed here. And it is subjective, speculative, and maybe a bit presumptuous, so feel free to disagree.
However, I am certain that you have a lovely soul and are under a very special spirit.
A few added elaborations: At the macro level, the above theory reflects “personality.” At the micro level, however, the self is in a constant, but constrained, state of flux (i.e., the “self” changes moment to moment).
States of mind can also be split into finer and finer learned behaviors. For example, social learning can get divided into non-interpersonal environmental versus interpersonal social learning; moreover, non-interpersonal environmental social learning can get divided into family environment versus non-family environmental social learning; the hair splitting can be infinite.
Each state of mind has its innate behavioral response which can be modified by behavioral learned responses. Behavioral learning is being used in its broadest sense here and may include the various forms of conditioning, possible spiritual and religious influences, coercion, etc.
Where do our states of mind originate and where are they stored? These are more philosophical questions
I should have said, “Having affected our personality and our soul,” not “with no affect on our soul.”