She was on her way to the Holy Temple. It seemed as if an entire market place were traveling together with her. People, goats, food, vessels and musical instruments jostled with each other for space. I could stare at this vision for hours, these people from a different time. Some trudged along dragging animals with children riding them. Some marched briskly carrying toddlers on their shoulders. Some children played the flute while others cavorted around their mothers, who in turn balanced baskets gracefully on their heads. But she fascinated me. She was a prominent figure, exuberant joy emanating from her. And yet there was a shy elegance in the way she held her head. She strode along daintily, fairly bouncing with happiness and laughter. I wondered why. Maybe the toddler running along in front of her was hers and she was laughing at his frolics and trying to catch up.
She was beautiful. Later, when my first grade teacher introduced us to Sarah, wife of Abraham, the first of the Biblical Matriarchs, she mentioned beauty. She said that Sarah was so beautiful that since Chavah, there had never been anybody as beautiful and there never would be in the future. Beauty should have meant flouncy dresses and diamond crowns, but it didn't. Beauty brought to mind an image of a nameless female figure, a simple rust colored silhouette of a woman with a basket, garnered from a sukkah decoration my mother made. For me, she represented the beauty of Sarah, the first Matriarch of Israel.
A few months later I learned of the second of the Matriarchs: Rebecca, wife of Isaac, a righteous person in her own right. I saw her standing in the corner of a room praying for a child, the hem of her head-covering floating around her. She looked aristocratic, graceful but determined and ambitious.
When it came to the third and fourth Matriarchs I knew what to expect. Two great women, one whose eyes were red from tears at the thought of marrying a wicked man and one who already had the love of a righteous man but was willing to give it up to protect her sister. I tried to invent faces for them. I tried to remember a sukkah decoration as just that, an adornment, cut out piece of colored card, in various shades of brown, but the Leah of my imagination laughed at the antics of her toddler, the eldest of the twelve tribes. Her sister Rachel sat tall and straight on a camel's saddle.
My silhouette had become an icon. She was etched on a plaque in my mind. Anything I encountered that was good or right was represented by her. At the same time, her character was being drawn and defined, embellished by my interpretation of great people like the Biblical Matriarchs.
Sukkot passed. The decorations were taken down and put away. I shoved her into the back of my mind under piles of old nursery school rhymes and dusty childhood memories to be retrieved at a later date.
I became preoccupied with the little interests that made up my everyday life. My group of friends became very important and their opinion featured in every decision I made. Being up to date with the latest entertainment, the latest fashion, the newest teenage fad required a tremendous amount of effort and that was what interested me. My head was so cluttered there was no space for anything else.
We moved house. The sukkah decorations got lost in transit. That first Sukkot in the new house my entire family bemoaned the loss of the 'Three Festivals' picture. The same year a new teacher came to our school. She was very young and enthusiastic. It was clear that what she had to say was important. I listened to her. One of her classes focused on reclaiming our own sense of what is attractive and what is not. She told us to think of someone who we thought dressed well and modestly, someone we admired and respected. Someone we could imitate. Each of us would make our own personal choice. We could use that as a starting point.
I put her back on the pedestal where she belonged.
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