I have a confession: I’m somewhat obsessed with all matters of faith and trust. I wasn’t always this way, but life has a way of bringing out new things in us — things we never knew we loved or concepts we didn’t previously connect with just come to the forefront.

I was always a firm believer and didn’t doubt G‑d’s existence. G‑d played a role in my life, and I prayed to Him fervently. Prayer was a way I connected to G‑d.

Then, life happened. I was diagnosed with a disease that starts with the big C, one that people don’t like to name. Of course, I was flooded with feelings of anxiety. Facing one’s mortality does not look pretty.

But after a few weeks, I hung on to the trust game and let the anxiety wither away. I’m not sure how I did it. It was something that kept being strengthened, especially during times of prayer, standing before the One and only G‑d, who inflicted me with this disease and who now would save me from it.

To me, it was as clear as a fact. The famous Chassidic adage — Tracht gut vet zein gut, “Think good, and it will be good” — is an expression that means that our positive thoughts will cause a positive outcome. This was something I lived with.

There is a story that happened with Michoel Bliner, a chassid of the Tzemach Tzedek, the third Chabad Rebbe, whose son was deathly ill. His friends urged him to travel the few-day journey to the town of Lubavitch to ask the Rebbe for a blessing. When the Rebbe saw how downtrodden Michoel looked, he told him: “Think good, and it will be good.”

Hearing this as a command from his Rebbe, Michoel changed his tone and danced back to his hometown. When he returned, he found the Chassidim dancing around his son, who was healed.

I believed that the same thing would happen to me. “Joy breaks all bounds,” I would repeat to my husband.

Looking back, I see that my joy was actually the greatest during that time of my life. It was obvious to me that G‑d was testing me, and I felt G‑d was choosing me to make miracles happen. I believed it was a gift from G‑d.

At one point, I even told my husband to take a video of me so that I could show the world that I was really happy, because who would believe a woman going through what I was going through—a life-threatening, aggressive diagnosis—would be happy without being afraid. I would put handfuls of coins at a time in the charity box on my kitchen counter. Giving charity in abundance is something we know saves us from death or negative decrees, Tzedakah tatzil mimavet, charity saves from death.1

G‑d would save me, and He did. Over and over again. Miraculously, I would take new tests, and the testing would now show that the disease left after it was previously there. I am so grateful to G‑d that I did not need any chemotherapy or radiation; it simply was not necessary! I had standard testing along with other basic procedures from my doctors, but it was G‑d alone who healed me, over and over again, during the course of the two years of the disease mysteriously going and coming.

The joy one feels when one experiences true trust is euphoric. It is a joy that is complete with no feelings of pain or worry. Trust means that we think, feel and behave in ways that we would if we already had the positive outcome.

There are no doubts when we trust. In fact, the opposite of trusting is doubting.

One story comes to mind when my husband and I took a long trip to Dana Farber in Boston to consult with an expert doctor. After about a half-hour on the road, our car started noisily breaking down, and my husband began to get nervous. I started to laugh and said, “We are being tested with another test, a test within a test! If G‑d doesn’t want us to go to Boston, then that is best for us! We will stay home. G‑d is the one to decide what’s best for us, He is the Coordinator of all this.”

This appointment was particularly important because based on this expert’s opinion, it would help our doctor decide what treatment plan to set us on. Yet I was not worried.

We pulled over and managed to get to a rental car quickly enough. We certainly drove in style to that appointment! I felt like G‑d wanted us to have a major car upgrade.

When we trust in G‑d fully, He gives us ways to see the miracles happen in front of our eyes. Baruch hagever asher yivtach baHashem, vehayah Hashem mivtacho — “Blessed is the man who trusts in G‑d and G‑d will be his trustee.”2 By one trusting in G‑d, G‑d allows Himself to be the salvation for the one who trusted in Him.

On that particular adventurous ride, I was missing a car charger, and my phone had important information on it for the doctor to see. We couldn’t stop because we were already running late. I told my husband, “G‑d will help us figure it out; a Jew is never stuck.”

When we arrived at the hospital, I was signing in at one desk when I was told to go to another. I knew that nothing was by chance. So, I asked the other clerk if she happened to have an Android charger for my phone. She looked at me, pulled open her drawer, and said, “I just changed over to an Apple phone today; you’re welcome to take my Android charger and keep it!”

It was a keeper. This was a small incident, but the message I felt from G‑d was a warm embrace.

Just as we are commanded to keep kosher, we are also commanded to have faith and trust in G‑d. G‑d gives us the capacity to trust in Him through our challenges, and while asking questions is a great way to learn, we cannot doubt in our trusting abilities.

When sharing my story with others, I am constantly bombarded with questions of how we can know for certain that things will turn out right. After all, aren’t there bad things that happen to others?

I respond that the “what if” questions are the opposite of a trusting mindset, and “what if” is always our anxiety speaking. The only way one will know for sure if a positive outcome will result is if one has complete trust.

The Rebbe3 helps define complete trust by the feeling of having complete peace of mind that everything will be alright, coupled with the trust that everything will turn out to specifically be revealed good. The fact that there are unfortunate circumstances that occur is not our place to judge since G‑d is the true Judge.

The Baal Shem Tov4 teaches that a person must pray for his trust to be strengthened because when G‑d desires to punish, He begins by removing that person’s trust in Him. There are circumstances where G‑d takes away the potential for an individual to even have trust in Him. We cannot understand G‑d’s ways, and just because there are seemingly unfortunate negative circumstances, this does not mean that that is a reason for us to lose our faith in G‑d. Our obligation to trust in Him is still there.

I will not lie and say my trust was steadfast. There were times when the disease returned and I wavered, but I knew intuitively that G‑d was testing me again and that I needed to rebuild my trust. I needed to do the work. I needed a boost in my trust pill.

Many people would ask me, “What are you on?!” Not knowing that I was battling a disease, they were curious about where my extraordinary, positive energy came from. I would always answer seriously, “Chassidic teachings!”

I know this sounds extreme, but really it’s the truth, Chassidic teachings literally made me “high!” We are called “believers, the sons of believers”5 because we have the potential to tap into our faith and trust in G‑d, and see miracles come about.

When we have total trust in G‑d and realize that what we are tested with is merely a test of our faith, G‑d then shows revealed goodness. Because G‑d is testing you to know if you love G‑d your G‑d with all your heart and all your soul.6

For two years, I was on the trust train. But then I went off of it. The disease came back, and I lost some trust. I am human, and my doubt set in.

I ended up having surgery. Later, the eight doctors who treated me realized that it was a mistake because no cancer was found, and living with the consequences was not fun. This is part of my story, too. And I am not embarrassed to share it.

I lost my trust, and I lost my confidence in myself. I lost my sense of self, my positivity and meaning in life. My sense of purpose came from teaching others about matters of faith and trust, and now that my trust in G‑d was unsteady, I felt like my mission was also missing. While we are meant to try our hardest to have full trust in G‑d, we are human, and sometimes the doubts come niggling in.

Do not be afraid of your doubts in G‑d! You can talk to them and let them know you know they are not real, and they are just the evil inclination trying to block your soul from shining her light. Tell your doubts, whether they are self-doubt or a lack of faith, that they are only an embodiment of negativity, and that you will not give in to them. You will not choose to live your life in fear! You can have courage even with self-doubt. You can choose to live a G‑dly life, even if you have some doubts.

The message I want to leave you with is: Never give up on hope. Pull through whatever struggle or test you are enduring.

Looking to manifest a new reality for yourself? Start trusting in the One and Only G‑d, and your manifesting will turn into the beautiful reality you have been dreaming of!