Unapologetic

Unapologetic You didn't say what your friend blamed you for, but if you didn't do anything wrong, you can only apologize to her for feeling the way she does. If she decides you're no longer her friend, move forward.

I've had to deal with people people who told lies about me and false accusations about me at a job I once worked at, and I was made to feel like I had no right to defend myself. I did yell at them and walked out on them and never looked back! Reply

fake apology I fully agree with Laurence Thomas' analysis. A neighbor demanded that I apologize for something she believes my spouse did wrong and that a spouse should apologize for the actions of their husband/wife. Absurd. Reply

Apologies As I read Rachel's answer to the young woman, I recall (very recently) of a misperception of my niece's husband of a comment I made at my brother's funeral. My comment was totally innocuous but he took it the wrong way. When I was informed of this, I did apologize but I soon realized the issue was his own self-esteem. I did not comment on the latter and recognized, innocuous comments, can be misinterpeted. So I filter my comments when I am around him. The sad thing though for me is a lack of freedom to be real with him and our relationship has changed. Reply

I did not read the comments if someone already said that, sorry. I thing that this is only way to live togehter, without pain, without fire on the roof, without confusions... To say I am sorry for what you feel means gesture of good which logicaly will rise good on other side, and it logicaly means place for communication. Pitty that people usually arent able to do such gesture. To say and to feel sorry for what others feel it is proof that we live together as human beeings, who can feel more that advantantages or disadvantages of living in community. Our emotions investment and interest of others feelings it breaks the always bigger and more steady wall between you and me: civilisation. Thank you. Reply

Fake Apology Feelngs, of course, are real. However, they are not necessarily justified. And the issue here is whether the feelings are justified. Apoligizing just to appease someone's feelings strike me as woefully hypocritical. Caring about someone most certainly does not requires that we merely appease the person's feelings. The offended person needs to be willing to give a little too; and it surprises me that you did not say anything about that. If both are excellent friends, then the burden of maintaining the friendship falls equally upon both. In the face of a sincere and genuine disagreement over one having been wronged by the other, it seems to me that both sides need to give a little. In this instance, the burden of saving the friendship does not fall entirely upon the accused. Reply

Honestly, I feel people should be genurine and very sincere in making apologies. I don't feel that just because some people feel fearful this time of year, that they should make apologies unless they truly mean to say that they are sorry for the cause they did, and Will Not Do it Again. I also feel if one has problems Forgiving, they should not hold a Grudge, but just stay away from Toxic People, and Do not Wish them Bad, or Good- but stay Neutral, and let G-d deal with them. This is the best course of action, and it alleviates both guilt, and aggravation.
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Fake apology I'm afraid that I was perhaps misunderstood, especially by the poster "Andrea." Judaism requires that we accept a sincere apology. We all make mistakes, intentional or unintentional. Most of us make the same mistake more than once in our lifetime. The act of forgiveness (not repression) is cleansing to the soul.

A sincere apology doesn't say I'm sorry YOU did something wrong. Edith (a poster here) explains it far better.
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Fake apology = patronizing an insecure person Apologizing for something you did not do is just as bad as refusing to apologize when you were in the wrong. It has been my experience that when I apologize I am assuming responsibility for a mistake that I made. Apologizing merely because someone's feelings/ego were wounded amounts to patronization and no adult really wants to be pacificied like a child. I make it a rule never to accept apologies--my motto is: if you are really sorry you would not have messed up in the first place, especially if you knew better; but mistakes do happen so let us just forget it, see that is does not happen again, and go on from there. However, I have given tons of phony apologies for various reasons: to keep the peace, stop someone from bawling, so they will not throw my lunch away, ... etc. Boy, does that make me mad, plus I end up feeling like the biggest fraud in the world. Reply

Apology If one is going to apologize, then one should do so with taking proper responsibility. To apologize in the way you suggest is a half way measure and insulting.

If A. feels she is not wrong, but cares about the pain her friend is feeling, then in my experience it is best to try to explain how sorry you are for hurting your dear friend, but there has been a terrible misunderstanding and then proceed to explain.

This is still fixing the problem, but without compromise to either party of their integrity or intelligence. Reply

Apology Respectfully, Rachel, I disagree with your take on this matter, but not entirely. :-)

If you Google the words "fake apology", you'll understand that statements that approximate language such as "I'm sorry you feel that way" are not real apologies. There's a whole "art" of apologizing without taking responsibility for one's actions.

I just don't see how one can apologize for someone else's feelings. A true apology acknowledges actions that harmed another party, and there is no shifting of responsibility.

Just my musings, having offered fake apologies in my lifetime and been on the receiving end as well.

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