Conquering Ourselves

Aside from a legitimate reason to indulge in doughnuts and latkes, Chanukah is a celebration of the victory of light over darkness. It’s a lesson that we can continue to apply in our own lives, centuries after the Chanukah story.

It’s easier to conquer the world than to change one character trait

I can’t personally speak on behalf of the Maccabees themselves, but my guess is that if I were a Maccabee, it would be easier to fight the Greeks than it would be to work on my own personal middot, character traits. It just seems so natural—so human, even—to blame, criticize and judge others. It takes a tremendous amount of courage and effort to be really in touch with our own character defects and to humbly work on them.

What would victory look like?

So, taking a page from the Chanukah victory, what would a personal victory look like? Would it be a tranquil Friday afternoon, a peaceful visit with the in-laws, or finding that last tiny cruse of patience that will last all eight minutes of tooth-brushing with a cranky toddler? Identify where you need to change, and take those bold steps towards your goal.

An idea is something we do

We are a smart nation, full of smart ideas. You don’t want to be someone who lies down at night with a head brimming with fabulous ideas, and then be that person who lies down 24 hours later with the exact same thoughts, the pattern repeating ad infinitum. An idea is something we do. So, whatever flashes of insight you have into personal victories, start the ball rolling, speak to others, and work out what victory would look like.

Baby Steps

However bold your idea is, be prepared to break it down into small steps. People don’t lose 100 pounds overnight with good intentions and lifestyle changes. Change takes time; often it means giving yourself small, bite-size goals to reach, celebrating your goals, and then setting new goals. Just like the candles on Chanukah—step by step, light by light.

How can I have a better relationship with my future self?

Personal victory ultimately boils down to truly knowing yourself—the good, the bad, and even the ugly—and working strategically and honestly on becoming an even better version of yourself. It also involves developing a healthy relationship with your future self. That enables you to step out of the I-want-it-now stage and reflect on the ramifications of your choices 48 hours from now.

So, ignite your true potential and reveal that victorious side of yourself. Happy Chanukah!

By Rivka Caroline

Rivka is a mother of seven and a rabbi’s wife in Key Biscayne, Florida. Rivka realized she had the choice of losing her sanity or developing new tricks for time management. Her new blog, Frazzled No More: Focused Living with a Jewish Twist, walks busy readers through easy-to-follow steps that will give them more time to do what they love. You can read more of Rivka’s tips in her recently published book, From Frazzled to Focused, the book she wished she had on her nightstand when she was a new mom. For more tips, check out Rivka’s website, or e‑mail her for information on her upcoming speaking tours.

Join the Discussion

Sort By:

NewestOldest

5 Comments

Craig Hamilton Sandwich, MA December 7, 2013

Re: Ruti I am going to reneg on my comment that all men don't civilized other men. There are plenty of great male counselors. Now I will pose a question: Do you actually believe all psychological counselors do is completely ineffectual? And, can't men teach other men how to play, such as pro sports, with a ball in the way that dogs learn to fetch? Many times patients don't want to be changed, but nevertheless end up changed. It is one of the fundamentals of psychology that virtually anyone willingly or unwillingly can be changed through techniques such as hypnosis. Hypnotism is a way of preparing the mind to be in a highly suggestive state, where behavior modification becomes easier. Reply

Ruti London England December 5, 2013

Conquering Ourselves Hi, Craig,

Alexander the Great conquered the then known world – and died at 33 because he was so miserable that there was nothing left to conquer – except himself, in which he singularly failed. Women can’t change men unless they want to be changed. Women can’t change women either, unless they want to be changed. We can’t even change ourselves unless we want to be changed. Even if we do, it is a huge struggle, and we can’t do it alone. We need HaShem to intervene because the yetzer ra is hideously strong, in all of us.

Humans are not trainable like animals because, unlike animals, we are created in the image of HaShem. That means we do not respond by instinct, but we have choice, we have free will, which we need to commit, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, to the Holy One of Israel, baruch hu. We need to do teshuvah, which animals don’t. We were told to subdue the earth and control it. They are standing on tiptoe, waiting for us to come into the fullness of everything for which HaShem created us. But we have to choose Him and not our own way.

You are not female, are you? You don’t have OCD, do you? What’s the point in criticising a teaching which is trying to help people with similar problems when you don’t share them? Most of us need encouragement.

Happy Chanukah – the few hours of it which are left. Reply

Yaacov cooley kansas city November 28, 2013

Super article! B"H
?Perhaps as said in Meshli 16:32[Proverbs], conquer ourselves better than one who conquers a city. Seven -halfway there!! Reply

Anonymous Mankato, MN November 27, 2013

Shalom Craig,

In misunderstood her point about conquering the world, you fully supported her reason of why she wrote this teaching.

Are you ready to fight for anything the world throws at you? But, what about the wars within you? It is clear each of us struggle year after year with the same problems, so why aren't we solving them and and in many cases, why don't we even see them? It's called "ego". That is why we need to take baby steps, candle by candle... to knock them down and perfect our souls even before the Moshiach is expected to arrive. The idea is Bringing Heaven Down to Earth as written by Tzvi Freeman - meditations on the wisdom of the Rebbe. Happy Chanukah and Thanksgiving! Reply

Craig Hamilton Sandwich, MA November 26, 2013

"It is easier to conquer the world than change one character trait." I have to disagree. No person in verifiable history has conquered the whole world. The person that came closest was Alexander the Great. However, though it could be said that he conquered the east, he never conquered Europe. Differently, folks, especially men, are constantly being refined and being trained, to the extent that their character is being changed, by the women around them. Perhaps, that is how men feel trying to refine other men. Men don't civilize other men. It may also refer to the perceived difficulty a woman may seem to find in training a man. Yet, it is still my opinion that training is not of the same unlikelyhood as conquering the world. The best way to demonstrate that we can be changed is perhaps through our animal friends, cats and dogs, most of which respond well to training. Additionally, at one time of my life a part of my job was to train a harbor seal using Operant conditioning. If a dog, cat, or harbor seal, are trainable, then why not humans? Reply