The Giving Relationship

In a home, in a relationship, in any situation where people work together, each side has to give.

What you give is not so important. How you give is.

You have to want to give.

From a letter, 5732 (1972), printed in Ohr ha-Bayit, p. 37. See also Hitkashrut no. 70.

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7 Comments

zak San Diego August 14, 2014

A echo forms As He above gives all of creation, as shall you be in the desire of giving. For we are the echo of the Eternal One. Reply

Anonymous MTL August 14, 2014

Giving We must always be on the watch for the yetzer harah when giving. We must discover what the other person really wants before giving as it is way to easy for giving to turn into controlling. That is a big character defect!

If we follow the commandment to love the other person as yourself we don't really "need to want to give" it will come naturally, that is why we don't have a commandment to want give.

The problem is that we really don't know the people we are having relationships well. The relationship in most cases is not beshert. We don't see the hand of G-D in every thing that happens to us, And we are living in fear most of the time so we have to control situations to be comfortable.

Control be comes an idol and a way of life. The answer is to find yourself a teacher who can teach you to see G-Ds hand in your daily life. I recommend finding a partner to study The Way if G-D/Derech Hashem by Moshe Chayim Luzzatto. It is available with an excellent English translation Reply

Brenda Toronto, Canada October 24, 2013

The Hidden Part of the Giving Your intention is the vital element in the giving. Nobody knows that you give
- in order tto get some in return
- because you are demanded to give
- in order to unconditionally fullfill the other's desire - otherwise the giving is meaningless. Reply

Barbara Baltimor, MD September 2, 2022

in response to Brenda:

I'm married to a man for almost 46 years. He has NO emotional intelligence and shows NO affection. I'm extremely lonely .I'm not treated like a wife.The rabbi that married us called me after meeting with my husband to be. . He said that he was a very nice young man , but it won't be easy. I thought he meant shy. Unfortunately, I did not ask him what he meant. I'm so unhappy. My husband just does "Acts of Service". I can write a book. His father , brother and him have caused great malice in theri marriages. Reply

Martin Charney Thornhill October 24, 2013

I think giving is not that difficult and I see come backs almost immediately after the giving is done besimcha. Kindness is one of the most difficult things to give away - It is always returned Reply

EZRA HOUSE NEW YORK, USA October 29, 2009

GIVING I wrote this about giving:

ALL GOOD THINGS
RECEIVED BY RECEIVERS
MUST BE EARNED...
AND TAKEN...
AND GIVEN BY GIVERS Reply

Edna Anzarut-Turner Beaconsfield, Quebec/Canada October 29, 2009

The Giving Relationship I agree with your comment - however this does not include the differences that occur between the giving by someone who was an immigrant to a New country who gives with their heart and time and work, and the misunderstanding by persons who were born and bred in the New country.

The latter's interpretation of the former`s self sacrifice is not considered giving at all, as no money was actually paid out.

I have personally been faced with such a reaction. Reply

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