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Forgive and Forget?

The Jewish Approach to Forgiveness vs. Justice

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Forgive and Forget?: The Jewish Approach to Forgiveness vs. Justice

When one forgives another for a crime committed against them, what does this mean? Does it mean that the sinner is absolved and cleansed? But what of justice and repentance? And, the big question: By what right can one dispense forgiveness to begin with? The problem with the crime is that it is, first and foremost, a transgression of G-d's will. Surely then, forgiveness is His domain alone?!
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Rabbi Simcha Bart for chabad.org September 21, 2025

There is no obligation to forgive if one was not asked forgiveness by the person who hurt them. Additionally, if forgiving someone would cause the person doing the forgiving harm, they are also not obligated to forgive. In some cases it may be advisable not to forgive - even if asked for their forgiveness. That being said, there is a very special prayer recited by some before retiring at night to forgive everyone, even those who haven't asked us forgiveness. Please see Do we need to forgive those who wrong us? Additionally, even where forgiveness is difficult, it isn't all or nothing. Please see Must I Forgive Everyone? Reply

Wondering Israel September 21, 2025

Do we have to forgive if they don't ask for forgiveness?
I'm coming into Rosh Hoshana carrying old hurt. I'm trying to forgive, but they haven't even approached me. And yes, they know they hurt me very badly. Reply

Petrea Maryland February 25, 2016

Thank you for this kind and brilliant explanation in the tradition of Maimonides Reply

Rabbi Moishe New September 24, 2015

To Teresa It is a spiritual fire. As you put it, a kind of regret. I wish you much joy and success. Reply

Casper Netherlands September 20, 2015

Very usefull Wow, what a great lessons! Thanx Rabbi! Reply

Teresa South Carolina September 16, 2015

Hell I am new at embracing my Jewish heritage so I am not yet understanding the cleansing after death. Is the fire an actual fire or just the passion of extreme regret? Reply

Janice Colorado December 8, 2014

Forgive and Forget When I was a young child, I saw on TV, scenes from holocaust - it was trauma to my soul - I can still see myself viewing the horror. Imagine, younger than 5, never touched by even the idea of death.

Today the evil are more clever, they don't come to your home dressed in uniforms with guns asking for you sons to work in the factory for the war effort; they go to you Marxist leaning public schools and universities; declaring we have your sons and your daughters; they our ours not yours, and through media, pop music, culture, movies, internet; our children are being taken from us in many other ways. Reply

Kay Texas August 30, 2017
in response to Janice:

I believe your words are true. However, they don't come to our homes yet demanding us, our children, or other things. But, I believe, they will come one day; make no mistake - they will come one day - in America. Reply

David Kaplan September 8, 2021
in response to Kay:

Happening right now. You had great foresight. Reply

This class analyzes an aspect of the weekly Torah portion or upcoming holiday. While providing a basic understanding of the subject matter, the lesson delves into its deeper and more complex dimensions with emphasis on the spiritual relevance to our daily lives. Inspiration for both the novice and advanced student.
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