Forgive and Forget?: The Jewish Approach to Forgiveness vs. Justice
When one forgives another for a crime committed against them, what does this mean? Does it mean that the sinner is absolved and cleansed? But what of justice and repentance? And, the big question: By what right can one dispense forgiveness to begin with? The problem with the crime is that it is, first and foremost, a transgression of G-d's will. Surely then, forgiveness is His domain alone?!
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Rabbi Moishe New heads the Montreal Torah Center. He is a sought out lecturer on Kabbalah and Chassidus, and their relevance in our lives today.
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There is no obligation to forgive if one was not asked forgiveness by the person who hurt them. Additionally, if forgiving someone would cause the person doing the forgiving harm, they are also not obligated to forgive. In some cases it may be advisable not to forgive - even if asked for their forgiveness. That being said, there is a very special prayer recited by some before retiring at night to forgive everyone, even those who haven't asked us forgiveness. Please see Do we need to forgive those who wrong us? Additionally, even where forgiveness is difficult, it isn't all or nothing. Please see Must I Forgive Everyone?