Not Doing

Rabbi
Thank you because this is profound for me because Iam a doer and sayer since I love my daughter infinity !!!
But arent I allowed to break the not doing and not saying rule when she becomes engaged to a Christian and my loving heart is pierced !!!
And I scream in pain each day ?
Thank you !
Susan Reply

it seems to me that while the fragment is all about love it is specifically targeted on the way we parent. As Jewish parents we have obilgation to teach and remind and keep reminding that they are Jews. Preferably, to send them to Jewish schools so not all comes from parents but invested teachers that also look for their welfare. Once they are adults, we are threading in another area as parents: adults have a rigth to fulfill their destiny -and it might not be exactly where we thought they should be placed. Yes, we must give breathing space to a spouse for sure but to children ,too, in an effective way. The guidance becomes more subtle and sometimes no saying anything is bes! . Helicotper parenting is bad already when the children are small, it is worse if applied when they are adults. Children are not copies of ourselves and H' has plans for them too which we are not aware off. Once you give them the Jewish luggage what they do with it is THEIR responsibility. Reply

love in not doing "True love is best expressed not in what you do and what you say, but in what you do not do, and what you do not say."

true love, to me, is most surely giving another plenty of room to 'be'...AND to learn to recognize when it is right TO do and TO say, and when it is right to NOT do and to NOT say. to me, neither by itself is 'best' - being aware and loving, and discerning, BOTH are best -- at the right times! Reply

Love in action Action speaks louder than words.

Thank you for sharing that. Reply

Medical Evidence Medicine says that there are hormones that help us feel attached in love. These hormones are involved in longterm bonding. Biochemically we find these longterm hormones not out of something that is done, but by merely being in the company of or in the thought of one that we love. Contrarily hormones that are short term and more about desire than love; these hormones depend on what we say and do. Reply

True Love Thank you Rabbi. The story and the comments were a lovely way to start my day. Reply

Yes Rabbi, I get it now I just finished preparing a big batch of potato salad and put it into the large bowl to be set on the diner table, my son walks into the kitchen, grabbed a spoon and took a large scoop from the bowl and began to eat or taste, as he put it. I was stunned at his uncouth behaviour and was about to let him have it; when he looked at me and said "what?" "oh, you are waiting to here if I like it?"

Then I could have said nooo, I am wondering why you did not get a small plate?, where are your manners???!! you are eating from the bowl that I am taking to the table for others to eat!! Yet I smiled and said "Yes, how is it?"
We had a nice time at dinner!!! This morning I am reading your Daily Dose and, get it!! Thanks Reply

Re: further on mussar Yes, the mussar of these teachers is heavily influenced by chassidut. Dessler, especially, was very keen on study of Tanya. Reply

further on mussar This is very strange. When i wrote the response above i did not put in the word Rebuke. How did it get there? The Mussar I am learning, thanks to Rabbis Wolbe, Dessler, and Fertig, as well as Alan Morinis (who has written three books recently on Mussar), has a very diferent take on Mussar. Rebuke is a minor part of it. Rabbi Shlomo Wolbe, z’’l, is widely considered the foremost contemporary Mussar master. Addressing an observant Jewish audience, he advocated that Mussar be taught to the Jewish community today in a different voice than was used in prior generations. Rav Wolbe focused on the positive. His book on parenting is titled Planting and Building in Childrearing. The key, he said, is to build the child's positive middot, rather than focus on pruning the inappropriate ones.
good shabbos, Reply

Since Since what you do and what you say comes from your "Core" and from your "Soul"-it has been my experience that those words have been misused by many in this society and in other groups who indicate that they are more honest than the actual society- Since spirituality can be expressed without words at special moments I...believe...we can successfully have a relationship where we aren't shoving our own opinions and desires down the throat of the other...I believe this can be done . Reply

Re: Mussar and Chassidut When a student came to study with R. Schneur Zalman, the founder of Chabad, he had to be fluent in the Reishit Chochmah and other classic mussar works. Chassidut does not reject mussar--it builds upon it, going much further. Rather than meet evil head on, Chassidut provides a high road. Rather than fighting the shadow of darkness, Chassidut turns on the lights.

An upcoming article on the topic is in the works--in the "Building Blocks" section. Reply

Mussar and Chassidut Dear Rabbi,
I love your Daily Dose and find so many times it resonates deeply with me. I am a serious student of Mussar/ Rebuke and only peripherally a student of Chassidut. The Chabad people I speak with seem to recoil when i mention Mussar. Yet, so much of what you write sounds just like what a Mussar sage would say. Can you give me any help in how to bridge the chasm that seems to exist? Reply

do not do and do not say I dont understand what the author is trying to say by loving someone and not doing or saying. Reply

"Breathe" Think the author meant to use the word "breathe" instead of "breath."

Actually, my grandmother hugged me so hard and long, one time, that I really could not breathe and I was probably seconds from passing out. I never allowed myself to let her get a death grip like that on me again. Reply

Braided Love Love should always respect the freedom and dignity of the human person. And helping someone we love (whether by a particular love or a general love) to recognize a truth, should itself be grounded in morally acceptable means, which is a truth unto itself. For love to be properly directed then it needs to be a braided love, the dominant strand being love of God from whom truth and goodness come and the other strand being love of a person or thing to whose good we are passionately devoted. Through faith and reason we can then know better what to do and what not to do and true love can prosper. Reply

Jazz Kisses I remember warm summer nights and watching Jazz musicians play late at night and my eyes would be large and my mouth would be wide open and all I could say is "Wow" and the same with the others around me and he would come off stage and someone would tell him "We love you so much is there anything we can do for you?" and he would say "Throw Money" meaning stay away from me and just give me the money to support my music...I had a conversation with him later about it that's how I knew...Now this is the strange part- he didn't want anyones advise or anyone around as a companion-At the time I thought he was hurt but no actually not I had to grow to understand what he was talking about-Love is not in what you do it is in what you do not do-he was waiting-....Thank you for reading this Reply

not doing (216.) how profound and wonderful. Reply