Free Love

A true sentiment. Help must be offered and given selflessly, it must also be offered without any strings. It should always be unconditional. It is one of the main issues I have with Christian charities....so many of them cannot give selflessly, they will either try and convert ( proselytism ) or refuse to offer help if the needy doesn’t fit into their ideal of a good person. You either are kind and charitable/helpful or you aren’t. Religion, sexuality, gender identity, marital status, job choice, lifestyle choices shouldn’t come in to it when you’re offering to help. All souls are the same in essence. Reply

If you love yourself, hence, you love your neighbor. Reply

The mitzvah is to love your neighbor AS (you love) yourself, not to "leave your self behind." It's not loving to one's self to leave it behind or to "sacrifice" the self.

You are on firmer ground to warn against glorifying one's own ego or having a bloated sense of self, for then one has inadequate space to love the other.

The mitzvah calls, as do most, for balance. Reply

Anon - Wisc 6-9-13 First, my use of "vampire" was an attempt at a metaphor: the vampire, a non-existent entity, sucks blood, the vital life force of a body, whether human or animal, and when done casts his victim away. In folklore, although there are gory ways to kill the vampire, the best way to totally eradicate the vampire is with sunlight.

Spiritually, the vampire (yetzer hara) attempts to drain the soul of her vital energy through sin/evil to the point the soul cannot redeem herself; although, as with the physical body, study of Torah and performance of mitzvot can eventually redeem the soul, the surest method of eradication is light (truth/G-d).

Second, I realized after reading your last post that I have never met anyone as you describe - hideous is a good recap. All I can say is I'm sorry you had that experience. Reply

hideous I am speaking about a hideous person. They would hold your intrusion with contempt. You are their inferior. What is theirs is theirs. What is yours is theirs. No pussyfooting around once the essence shows itself. For them it is game on. A game beyond what you can play unless your essence is also hideous.

That is what i imagine the writer to be dealing with, twice over. You and i have different definitions of a vampire. To me a vampire is a blood addict that cannot live without blood. A vampire without blood cannot change. They die.

Some words are applied imprecisely. Narcissist in this writer's case i take to be dead on, 100 %. She has craved their love. The will never give it. They cannot. Their essence is contempt for all others. You cannot change a real narcissist. My comments advise running away at the earliest opportunity. Reply

Anon - Wisc 6-7 I have not been exposed to the narcissism in the extreme that many have discussed - thank G-d! I have been exposed to "vampires" - the predators that do suck life from everything they touch; I have also seen some of them change. Who knows if an act of random kindness planted a seed? "Loving" doesn't necessarily mean being best friends or spending a lot of time with the individual - for me it is simply kindness and courtesy for a limited amount of time.

My thoughts were based towards the poster who said he or she could not get away from those people. IF one can't get away, then one has to learn how to survive in the situation ... as adults, we can remove ourselves from unhealthy situations; a child or young person can't make that choice.

I mentor young women, many of whom come out of horrific lives of abuse; it is hard to hear their pain, but it is inspiring to see the changes that can arise from the positive influence of one adult. Reply

karin june 6 ' It is far more difficult to love an unlovable person ". Good on you if you feel it is worth trying. I find it impossible to love a narcissist, a hideous person. Once you are on to them, run the other way from them.

Anonymous USA has stated that truism. Your health is at stake. Choose life, a healthy life. A narcissist sucks out life. That is their nourishment. They crave prey. Coexisting with a narcissist is not something you should want to attain. That is unhealthy. Reply

RE: Anonymous,USA June 6, 2013 - I am not the author of comment 'Needs vs musts' June 4 I think there is a mix up? My response to your comment (Free Will - Anonymous USA, June 3, 2013) was titled:
'A Ladder that Leads to True Love' June4, 2013)
in which I expressed appreciation for your insghtful comment. I agreed with you that nobody in our world understands the real meaning of 'Love' - that's what we are here to learn through a gradual process of change. I agree too that people are not willing to invlove theselves in helping others out of their fear to protect themselves. Little do they realize that if there is a whole in the boat that we all dwell, we will eventually all sink! Thanks for your input. Reply

Free Love - one more thought Sometimes all we can do is share our experience, strength and hope - that removes all the "need," "must," etc. because we are simply sharing what worked for us. In the sharing of experience, it may provide a solution ... after all, when one is standing in the middle of the forest, it is hard to see the trees.

Beyond Limitations expresses two extremes - the representation of those personality types that I refer to as "vampires" vs. the pure love HaShem has for us. The fact is it is easy to love someone who is "good" or fulfills our needs; it is far more difficult to love an unlovable person - it requires removing ego out of the equation or "self-sacrifice."

Have I personally attained this? Of course not. There may have been times in which there was a moment of love in which ego was totally out of the equation; overall, if I examine my motives, there was usually self/ego in the picture. Reply

Free Love My dear Brenda, I was there. All you mentioned when a person is in need and cry out to the world. I was there. I know what it is to be around narcissists. At 65, and gone through it all. I have found the love of Hashem, blessed be He. I did not know it when I was growing up. I knew other gods, made of metal, paper, all kinds. I did not know Torah, nor Talmud, where one can find the most beautiful teachings. I did not mean to insult you with "words," those words were the one used, so I also used them. Words are our way of communication. Next time I will use the word "ought", "should" would also be too demanding. Or "you might want to"? Any way, I think you and I are very sensitive to other people "cries." Please forgive my intrusion in your comment. I should have known that you did not need any advise. My apologies. By the way, I ran away from those abusers, and will continue to do so, if I meet any other. It is healthier and safer. Reply

nedd vs must By comparison, need is a lightweight term. Must is a heavyweight term. Put yourself in the shoes of one surrounded by two narcissists. The writer is in trouble. All she asks is to be loved. So simple. Can you imagine ? Put yourself in those shoes. You hear a whimper. I hear a cry. Need is for second guessing and thought. Must is for action and change. Need is for convolutions. Must is for linear goals, the KISS principle.

I am happy that you distinguished the difference. I am not sure i see how your argument over words helps this person. I believe that sometimes Hashem gives us challenges that are beyond our capacity. What did the Chabad couple killed in India do to deserve their deaths ? What did 6 year old Leiby do to be whisked off the sidewalk and murdered ? The Holocaust. Yes, Hashem acts in wondrous ways. He leaves me wondering. I believe in what i see, and nobody else has to correct me. When i want advice I'll ask for it. Reply

Free Love I see instructions like: "You must do this, or that." Must? Or on the other hand, NEED? We all need to make changes in our lives, don't we? That MUST, seems more like a command. Yes, we need, to be thankful for the things we have. For they are our gifts from Hashem, blessed be He. But He knows when we lack the knowledge, or wisdom to do even that. Because sometimes all we KNOW is what we have had in our surroundings. Sometimes, we have no knowledge of a better way of life. Then, those with the wisdom/knowledge, given by Hashem, need to show the ignorant. But sometimes even that is not possible, because these wise ones, are too busy trying to survive in their world of "wisdom" and acting gods themselves. Hashem, blessed be He, always sends His servants, either in a spiritual/ethereal body or physical, to help us find His Instructions in Life. All we need is to keep our eyes/heart open, and plead for His mercy in turning from our ways to His. He will hear. He always do. Reply

A Ladder that leads to True Love (Re: Anonymous USA: Re: Brenda Toronto) Thank you for your insight with which I happily resonate! Our goal within this world is to learn true Love. Through the millenia a handful of kabbalists attained it's meaning - notably Baal HaSulam (20th C). He interpreted the Zohar in terms of 125 steps to attain the meaning of true love - G_d's nature. Each of us is part of a network necessary to sustain G_d's conecpt of one soul (spiritual system). This system was shattered for us to consciously learn how to reform our bundle of connections just like each cell, organ in our body provides and takes from other organs just enough to maintain homeostasis for health.
We need to recognize the evil- G_d has cunningly driven us into a global villiage socially, politicall and economically-our old paradigm of narcissism, egocenticism is revealing in crises around us. '40 years in dessert' symbolizes how hard it is for us to bond in love with others - we keep relapsing to ego ways until we cross the 'sea' to learn to rise in steps toTrue Lov Reply

guesses i am going to guess that NPD is Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I am going to guess that you cannot escape presently because the two Narcissist are your parents. If so, accept this situation that G-d has put you in and for the time being pray for his help to get you out. Your cry is a cry for help that only a child can make. Presently you have a roof over your head. Appreciate that for now. You must do your part in helping G-d help you. You must create a light at the end of the tunnel, a time to be away from the NDP's. Perhaps others in this forum can help with guidance, a Jewish agency of some kind. Ask Chabad if they will permit you to anonymously allow you to write a detailed article of your feelings. Does Chabad have a type of agency that can take you out of Mexico and resettle you in a adoptive environment ? Reply

Free Love Re: Brenda in Toronto. My dear many people like you think about education will do it all. Yes, it does in certain areas. But love is a complicated matter. One example; G-d's love. We human cannot understand it. It is unfathomable to us, the reason because most of us do not know real love, or how to-love. Only our Master. I worked in education for a while. 6 years. Although not a teacher was able to observe the children. They learn from their parents, and siblings. Their surroundings. It would take true love as our Master's to change this children. And even Him, in the desert, what did he do to the generation who could not change their ways? They were left in the desert for forty years going in circle. Never learnt. And ultimately, their children? Some got the message and applied it. Others continue on their egotistic ways of control. It is still so to-day. Each individual, need to make a decision to change their ways. But most just want to survive. Latter will be here until they learn. Reply

Narcissism - Gloria I don't understand the shortcut "NPD."

In today's world, that seems to happen a lot to me. It is blessing that I can't text - it would be like learning a foreign language. Years ago, a computer whiz sent me a list of common email shortcuts and I'm guilty of using them ... a habit that I'm trying to break because it prevents clear communication. Also, some shortcuts could be "translated" into other words - words that could change the entire meaning of what was written.

Several questions were also asked in this comment - acceptance and healthy detachment work well. I can't change anyone, but I also don't need to allow them to live "rent free in my head." When one detaches, accountability for actions becomes the other person's responsibility. Reply

Gloria NPD ? What is NPD ? Anyhow, if it was me, and you are not me, i would get physically strong enough to beat one of them up, maybe both. If that is not possible, use a baseball bat and hit them as hard as you can in the back. You will break their back and their narcissism. It's self defense. Or you just live unloved for as long as it takes to get way from them and find love elsewhere.

Good luck. Reply

Narcissism What can you do when you live with two narcissists (really NPD) in the family and there is no way you can run away from them? You try and you try and you try and you get absolutely nothing except feeling depressed and completely unable to go on giving any kind of love. Then what? Do you continue to do everything for them without expecting anything? A person needs to feel that she/he is loved to keep on going. Reply

True Love - A New Paradigm In his article 'The Arvut' (item 25), Baal HaSulam wrote: "Love they friend as thyself, the axis of the whole Torah cannot be observed by an individual but only through the conscent of the entire nation....and this is why it took until they came out of Egypt (their ego), when they became worthy of observing it [love thy friend as thyself], as one man in one heart."

Following his instrucions we can only IMPLEMENT the paradigm through introducing a new method of education to the next generation. A system of education that shows them how to be interdependent, co-operative, contribute your talents, reciprocity of effort, consideration of others. Working in such groups will extend the same pattern when they work as a nation and then the appraoch will extend to the entire world - as one man in one heart.

Individualism won't work in the new global connected world system. We need to introduce the new paradigm before grid-lock forces the world to come out of egoism. Reply

Free Love In my 65 years of age, I have met not one, who would love anyone with self sacrifice. Including family. Who are those who sacrifice anything of their own to help others? I would love to meet this person so that I can learn from him/her. I have been to both congregations, Christians, and Jews. As well as, met those atheist. No one out there would sacrifice anything of their own to help anyone. There are those who sacrifice their lives to save their country. This is mandated by the militia. Would anyone do it out of love? We need to honor the soldiers for their sacrifice. Their sacrifice, whether imposed, or voluntary is the only honor I see. For honor sake. To the country you are a citizen of. My question is: What kind of love are you talking about? There are many kinds of "love." The only True love comes from our Master of the Universe. And to Him we owe ALL the honor, and praise. This is the honor, and praise most humans want. But could never achieve. G-d is Supreme. The only ONE. Reply