Self-Destruction

Run where? Wherever you go, there you are. Is this really the best advice you have to give someone who’s lost so much? Reply

There is a simple rule (depression is a normal state as joy is divided into the same class there in negative and positive life, says: the famous scholar Einstein see for nature and you will understand ..... Reply

I think your articles are very good. This one, however, misses the mark. Our current culture has become obsessed with "happiness", "positive thinking", etc. to the point that legitimate sadness IS treated like a crime. People are criticized, dismissed, considered "less than" just because they are sad. It is popular now to be "stoic" at the death of a loved one! We think its so "strong" to never cry, to never feel said. It has become sickening-literally. Sadness, and grief, are part of the human experience. Being allowed to experience it properly created understanding, wisdom, compassion and maturity in human beings. Denying someone's sadness is what leads to despair! Let people be sad-to deny it is to live an absolute lie that makes our souls sick. Torah is full of examples of grief-why do we try to pretend we're somehow above that? Reply

could you not have chosen an equally fitting but less graphic picture? I always thought these E-Mails are spiritually uplifting and while I agree with today's content the picture is needlessly graphic. other pictures would have been able to equally carry the meaning that you chose this one for Reply

Very very important practical question I am sure thousands of other people would ask you:

If sadness sometimes simply attacks you because of multiple wrong career choices in the past, where you feel you have wasted many years of your life, which ended up in failure, a failed marriage, current
unemployment, financial difficulties.
How can you not be sad about this ?
This is experience: the more you resist or fight undesirable feelings it’s like putting oil in the fire making it only worse.
So in my experience undesirable feelings can only be overcome by AAA: Acknowledging, Accepting and Allowing and then distraction. And in general trying as much as possible to be disciplined with your thinking to think good thoughts which is sometimes extremely difficult.
So this wisdom above does not make any sense to me. Please explain
Thank you Reply

It took me many years to get out of despair mode using a combination of prayer, dietary changes (reduce sugar, carbs, eat more frequently), exercise and doing wacky things like jumping rope, skipping, dancing: whatever I could do to distract from my emotions + keeping away from negative people as much as possible. It was baby step by baby step. Once I began to make enough progress, I began to abhor that state of being, and that became a new belief. I fought it hard, it was a long haul. But I finally won. I know that not everyone can, depending on the severity of their depression.

To me, it's a misnomer to call depression a mental illness when a person's body's chemistry changes & causes personality changes (instead of a headache, stomach pain, etc.). So we think it's mental, when it's really physical. Viewing it this way helped me to stop blaming myself and approach healing it less emotionally and treat it as I would any issue that caused me physical pain. Reply

r h feb 15 As usual, blowing us away with your ingenuity with words. the ' bad ' in Chabad almost got past me.

I write here just to say that you are always on the right track and help many of us to see a different and valid view, no matter who you are up against.

Chabad does not question G-d. They follow doctrinaire and some are short with people who don't buy in 100 %.. Some of these rabbis are young and on account of that lack wisdom, but won't show it. Moses questioned G-d. It set the parameter. Reply

Chabad I believe we are here to dialogue and also examine words that feel wrong as in 'this'. Chabad is not always 'right' and this could be the 'bad' in Chabad with all due respect. Issues of love are also issues of conflict and I write about this. Maybe it is a good idea to examine carefully the ethics of issues, the angst of certain 'sure' statements to realize we're here to examine, to not accept dogma, and we too like Moses are allowed to go aloud and even, question G-d.

It could be all voices raised in song create the music and one voice expressing this need speaks for all voices. Empathy begins at home. Reply

60 words, Sondra, r h , Paul , But how ? Great summary perfect advice and under 60 words. But Sondra and rh and others are right too. One commandment is that we are obligated to write a Torah in one's life or get someone else to do it for you and pay them. One might think about it for 60 seconds and know that they cannot fulfill this commandment. For some running from depression or its source is not possible. For sure you must try because it is truly self -destructive. At the same time, one cannot deny that pharmaceutical companies are businesses that want to addict you to their drugs.

Depression is a tough topic. Cognitive therapy is effective and can work on its own. sometimes it is only one of many strategies which includes exercise, religion, drugs, some form of psychotherapy, and fight via flight. The discussions here are excellent. I would count it 50 % successfully running away and 50 % unsuccessfully running away. Each case is different. Reply

Follow up I mentioned in a previous post that I had a friend who was a Lutheran pastor who suffered from depression and anxiety most of his life. We became friends because of depression and spent many hours over coffee discussing life and commiserating. This past July he committed suicide. Though he wasn't Jewish, he was a very spiritual and charitable person. He lost his faith and the will to fight on any further. He took with him a chunk of hope that I, myself may defeat this one day. I have now seen first-hand that depression can kill. I'm not suicidal, but I do wish this would all end. I keep praying and performing mitzvahs as best I can. I'm working with a Chabad rabbi in my area who is offering support. Nothing seems to help however. Maybe prayers from others on my behalf will help. I feel I've run out of options. I simply exist from day to day completely void of joy. I don't understand it. Reply

Dear Mr. Freeman,

I would like to thank you for today's "daily dose", titled "self-destruction".

I've been suffering from severe depression for many years now. People keep telling me that I should accept my condition, but I can't, even though I've tried. I can't stop myself from fighting it, even though I don't succeed.

Today's e-mail deeply touched me. It made me see, be it for a very brief moment, that I must never give in to my depression. That it is okay to fight. If only I knew how to win this fight... Reply

Run from depression... Wishful thinking. Nothimg else. Once you are trapped, you are trapped. Reply

"How to" is lacking To treat depression as a sworn enemy is good advice, but you don't say "how." This is rather like sending out an army patrol with instructions to destroy the enemy, but giving them no weapons; no tools. With what tools does one fight this enemy? Reply

From Destruction A New World Rises The Kabbalists explained to us that when the time for our spiritual development arrives, G_d will evoke in us a feeling of emptiness from our pleasures in this world. Eventually the void will force humanity to move in a new direction to create a new world. The structure is already there - a connected world. This is the beginning of the spiritual world system - mutual reciprocity, integratation - "As One Man In One Heart". Gradually we will arise to the next level of our destiny. Reply

Agreeing with Sondra Depression is part of life, and I take issue with "religious" Jews who say, run from it. It's death itself and worse. I can think of a lot of reasons to feel the dark side of life, and it would be a very pollyanna world if we said, just fight it. We go to deep places often, and we need help to find ways out of those places. But they exist. Pretending they don't exist or that we aren't given that pit to fall into, by this same G_d, would be lying.

Depression can both mobilize and immobilize. It's not death but can feel that way, and the best of us, have been there. It's not right, to make people feel there's something wrong with being depressed. Some of the most honest people I know go there, and those who were deemed manic depressives, actually were the Biblical people of vision. Despair is a human condition and often humane too. Depression has many causes, but we all go there, and I am saying, to tell someone it's "bad" is just wrong. It's the other side, the light has a shadow side. Reply

Define Depression Define depression; are the symptoms identifyably similar in all/everone/most individuals diagnosed (self-diagnosed) with depression? Many of the comments posted are vague. What causes/sets off depression? What helps, other than "running"? Reply

Hidbodedut (sp???) I am not Jewish in this life but I think I was in another. I have chronic depression and have found this practice very helpful. I do it in the car, talking a walk on our farm, looking up at the stars ... and I try for every day. For me, most emphatically, a spiritual discipline is an essential part of the mix to climbing out of the hole. Reply

depression I have been fighting depression for over 45 years. Unless you have experienced the darkness of depression, I don't believe that you can truly speak to it. I don't think religion, faith, belief, etc., has anything to do with it, except unfortunately I find Judaism treats it as a weakness - that a person isn't really trying. I find the glibness sometimes very hurtful and I feel sorry for those who do not guide those of us suffering to something more substantial - rather than suggesting hanging with happy people - oh please come on! To those out there who are suffering, I do not have the answer but I will continue to search. Reply

Depression A simplistic analysis. Nothing incorrect about it. Offers no solution or help to a depressed person, who probably knows (from bitter experience) all that has been said in that analysis.
To comment on another's sadness/misfortune/state of mind is easy, but without real help, it simply rubs salt into a festering (mental) wound. Better to keep quiet than to upset a sufferer even more. Reply

Fighting Depression How do you run from something that is you, but shrouded in the unknown? I think the best way to overcome it, is to face it, and understand it. Its there because its taking the place of something that's not there but should be there. And what that is, is quite possibly a clue to a new purpose in life. I feel running from it will only make it chase you. I have loved ones who do fight it and run from it, and they are still running from it now. I however, plunged myself into it with the intent to get to the bottom of its source. I emerged feeling like Gandalf the White.

Depression I found is another one of those darknesses that covers an immense light and once that's penetrated, the light of the shekina, and how all is one shines. I learned so much from Daily Dose. Perhaps, I just need to understand what you mean by run away. Reply