By the Grace of G‑d
13th of Tammuz, 5725
[July 13, 1965]
Brooklyn, N.Y.
Blessing and Greeting:
After not hearing from you for a very long time, I received your letter of June 29th, although in the meantime I have received regards from your father on his visit here.
In reply to your questions:
1) What are the good qualities to look for in a Shidduch? The answer is that first and foremost the person should be trustworthy, so that he could fully be relied upon in all his promises relating to the establishment of a truly Jewish home, a Binyan Adei Ad. The maximum assurance that he is indeed such a person is when he is religious, and his whole life, in every aspect of the daily life, is directed by the Torah and Mitzvoth. For in such a case one can be fully certain that he is not motivated merely by the opinions of other people, but considers these matters as a sacred Mitzvo, commanded by G‑d. Having ascertained this first and primary quality, it is then possible to consider also what additional qualities a person has.
2) How is it possible to get to know a person well before the wedding? The answer is that it is quite true that it is impossible to get to know a person before the wedding as well as after. However, it is possible to get to know him in an adequate way by making sure that he has the primary quality mentioned above. And this can be found out indirectly, in addition also to what he himself reveals. In other words, it is possible to find out about his family background, his upbringing and education, and his general conduct in the daily life. For a person’s character is a combination of all these factors and influences.
I would like to conclude with a further important point. If it is always necessary to have G‑d’s blessing, how much more so in the matter of a Shidduch which is to last a lifetime. The way to receive G‑d’s blessings is, as the Torah states clearly, “If you will walk in My statutes, and will observe My commandments and do them”—then follow all the good blessings, not only spiritual but also material. And although one is expected to do everything in the natural order of things, in accordance with the regular local practice in the circles of Torah observant Jews, it is well to bear in mind that the blessing is from G‑d, as it is written, “And He will bless you in all that you do.” Therefore every additional effort in matters of Torah and Mitzvoth will bring you an additional measure of Divine blessing. In your case specifically, there is something which can also act as a “Segulah,” as I told your father. No doubt he has also told you about it, though I am very much surprised that I have not heard from him in this matter, and that he has not acknowledged receipt of my letter, which I trust has duly reached him.
Hoping to hear good news from you, and with kind regards to your father.
With blessing,
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