...the betrothed maiden screamed out, but there was no one to save her.
He does not want to be in that place. He feels himself a captive of his own desires, now a prisoner incapable of escape. Deep within him a voice screams—the scream of an innocent maiden under assault, yet hopeless that anyone can save her.
On occasion, he breaks free of the clutches of his captor, perhaps for a day, a week, maybe even an entire year—and then he is back again, and all seems futile.
It is never futile. The One who made him knows the struggle he fights. That brief victory, as fleeting as it may have been, is more precious to his Creator than the deeds of the most righteous. A precious soul has returned to Him, if even for a moment. And she returned because the soul, at her essence, is only good.
If only he would know that delight of his Creator, nothing could stop him. He would overcome all bounds and never fall back again. Because his Creator’s delight would become his delight, and the two would bond in an inseparable bond.
For in truth, they were always so bonded, only now it is no longer from afar.
We can be our own worst enemies! It’s not the man down the street nor the woman across town, it’s me. I’m my destroyer. I clean myself up, make myself look shiny and bright as a bar of gold, but I don’t stay that way, before I know it I’m tarnished, bruised and beaten down like a shabby old old coin just rolling down the sidewalk and eventually into the sewer grate. Why can’t I stay clean and nice? Why is there always a voice talking to me inside, ‘you don’t belong, you’re dirt, you belong in the gutter, now go and crawl back in the sewer from where you came from, you maggot! Please G d make that voice stop! I’ll be good this time, I’ll do better, I promise, I do...do.. I want to please you, G d, so very badly. My heart aches just for you to love me and accept me as the person you created. Why can’t I be one with him the Almighty, the Light who shines down from above. If only, if what, if nothing; I’m too late and I’m too tired of beating myself up piece by piece! If only!