From a letter:

You write that you have taken a few years off from teaching to come to an understanding of “what it is all about.”

Tell me: once you have determined an answer to your question, what will you do then? And in the meantime, just who and how many have benefited from all your searching?

You will be more successful in your search if you go back to teaching and search there—while, in the meantime, you change the lives of your students.