If he is estranged, living alone, then he should connect with G‑d at the time of his loneliness, and he should rely on G‑d in his state of estrangement.
וְאִם יִהְיֶה נָכְרִי, יִהְיֶה צִוּוּתוֹ בֵּאלֹהָיו בְּעֵת הִשְׁתּוֹמְמוּתוֹ, וְיִבְטַח עָלָיו בְּגֵרוּתוֹ.
In order to comfort himself, he should dwell on the fact that the soul is also estranged in this world, and that all the people of the world are considered as “strangers” in it. As the verse says (Leviticus 25:23): For you are strangers and temporary residents with Me.
וְיַעֲלֶה עַל לִבּוֹ גֵּרוּת הַנֶּפֶשׁ בָּעוֹלָם הַזֶּה, וְכִי אַנְשֵׁי הָאָרֶץ כְּמוֹ גֵּרִים בָּהּ, כְּמוֹ שֶׁאָמַר הַכָּתוּב (ויקרא כה, כג) "כִּי גֵרִים וְתוֹשָׁבִים אַתֶּם עִמָּדִי."
The soul is also estranged in this world. The soul originates from, and is part of, G‑d, and it comes down into the physical and materialistic world for a Divine purpose. The soul’s natural state and desire is to be connected to G‑d, and it is therefore a stranger in this world. Now, considering that the primary and distinguishing quality of man is his soul, then each and every person is in a certain (and real) sense a stranger ( Marpei Lanefesh ).
The soul of man is a fire of G‑d (Proverbs 20:27). Just as a flame is always drawn upwards, having an innate desire to separate from the wick and ascend upwards, so, too, the soul of man has a desire to leave the body and reunite in its Root and Source—the “Living Life” (G‑d), blessed be He… The soul is incarcerated in a physical body ( Tanya, Likkutei Amarim, ch. 19).
Reflect on the following: I have a soul that is literally a part of G‑d, and my actions affect this “piece” of G‑d within me. Therefore, I need to have “mercy” on G‑d, Who is in “exile” within my body for the purpose that I should reunite [this piece] with its source through the study of Torah and fulfillment of mitzvot.
Now, consider how happy you must be that you have been given this opportunity (i.e., your task in this world) to remove your soul from this exile and reunite it with G‑d. For an analogy, imagine being the catalyst behind a prince who has been kidnapped and has been rotting in jail to be reunited with his father, the king. So too should you be happy with your lot (ibid. ch. 31).
He should think to himself that even all those people who have close ones in this world will, in a short amount of time, revert to being strangers and alone, and neither a person’s close one nor his child will be able to help him then, nor will they be able to connect with him.
וְיַחְשׁוֹב בְּלִבּוֹ כִּי כָּל מִי שֶׁיֵּשׁ לוֹ קְרוֹבִים בּוֹ, עַד זְמַן מוּעָט יָשׁוּב נָכְרִי בּוֹדֵד, וְלֹא יוֹעִילֵהוּ קָרוֹב וְלֹא בֵּן, וְלֹא יִתְחַבֵּר עִמּוֹ אֶחָד מֵהֶם.
After this, he should think about the fact that due to living alone, the weight of those people’s loads, responsibilities, and needs has been removed from him. He should consider this removal to be one of the kindnesses of the Creator to him. For if he is a person who pursues worldly matters and its needs, his work will be much less of a strain on him if he does not have a wife and children. It emerges that the lack of wife and children is the cause for his rest and for his own good. If he is a person who seeks the matters of the World to Come —spiritual matters— then his mind will, without a doubt, be more unoccupied and free to pursue these matters when he is alone than if he had a family with which he busied himself.
וְיַחְשׁוֹב אַחַר כָּךְ בְּהִסְתַּלְּקוּת כֹּבֶד מַשָּׂאָם וְחוֹבוֹתָם וְצָרְכֵיהֶם מֵעָלָיו, וְיַחְשׁוֹב זֶה טוֹבָה מִטּוֹבוֹת הַבּוֹרֵא עָלָיו, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁאִם יִהְיֶה רוֹדֵף אַחַר עִנְיְנֵי הָעוֹלָם וּצְרָכָיו, תִּהְיֶה יְגִיעָתוֹ יוֹתֵר קַלָּה עָלָיו מִבְּלִי אִשָּׁה וּבָנִים, וְחֶסְרוֹנָם מְנוּחָה לוֹ וְטוֹבָה. וְאִם יִהְיֶה מְבַקֵּשׁ עִנְיְנֵי אַחֲרִיתוֹ, יִהְיֶה לִבּוֹ יוֹתֵר רֵיק וּפָנוּי בְּעֵת הִתְבּוֹדְדוּתוֹ מִבְּלִי סָפֵק.
This is why the ascetics would flee from their relatives and houses to the mountains, so that they could free their hearts and minds to focus on the service of G‑d. Similarly, the prophets at the time of prophecy would leave their places of residence and seclude themselves so they could free their minds to ponder fulfilling the obligations imposed on them by the Creator.
וְעַל כֵּן הָיוּ הַפְּרוּשִׁים בּוֹרְחִים מִקְּרוֹבֵיהֶם וּמִבָּתֵּיהֶם אֶל הֶהָרִים, כְּדֵי שֶׁיְּפַנּוּ לִבּוֹתָם לַעֲבוֹדַת אֱלֹהִים. וְכֵן הָיוּ הַנְּבִיאִים בִּזְמַן הַנְּבוּאָה יוֹצְאִים מִמְּעוֹנוֹתֵיהֶם וּמִתְבּוֹדְדִים לְחוֹבוֹת הַבּוֹרֵא עֲלֵיהֶם,
The ascetics would flee from their relatives and houses to the mountains, so that they could free their hearts and minds to focus on the service of G‑d. Before the soul comes down into this world, it is in a state of ecstasy, because its natural place is to savor the bliss of spirituality. Subsequently it comes down into this world for the purpose of elevating the physical world to a Divine state.
This purpose is fulfilled through the soul’s being clothed in a physical body, with materialistic tendencies. Despite these challenges, the soul refines and elevates the body and the physical world through Torah and mitzvot.
Before a person marries—before he has the element of challenge that a spouse and marriage represent—he is compared to the soul in its exalted Divine state, before it has the worldly challenges, and at this time there is this “peacefulness” that is represented in having time to connect and be one with G‑d.
This does not eliminate the fact that there is a Divine mission in being married and in serving G‑d within the “struggle” of life. Ultimately, It is not good that man be alone (Genesis 2:18), because that is not the purpose of creation. Rather, the purpose is I will make a counterpart to him [that people marry and live together]. Through this challenge, the person and soul will be raised to a much higher level than it was before creation ( Torah Or 5b).
Historically, we find a group of Jews who requested this ascetic lifestyle.
The Torah tells us that the tribes of Gad and Reuben asked to remain in Transjordan ( Eiver Hayarden ), where they would have ample land to tend to their flock, and not settle in the Land of Israel (see Numbers ch. 32).
Chasidic teachings explain their reluctance to enter the Land of Israel—because of the challenges they would have to face there in their Divine service.
In the desert, the Jewish people had their material needs provided for: Manna from heaven, water from the well of Miriam, protection from the elements through the clouds of glory, etc. Entering the Land of Israel would mean having to plow and sow, etc. and work for their livelihood. The tribes of Gad and Reuben asked Moses to spare them this challenge. They said, “Let us live an ascetic lifestyle. Let us live in an area where it is easy to pasture, a place where we will be in the fields, and nothing will disturb us from serving G‑d.”
Ultimately, the Torah tells us that Moses acquiesced. However, there are a few interesting points to explore here:
1) This was an exemption for only two tribes (plus half of the tribe of Manasseh), whereas the majority were commanded to enter the Land of Israel. The reason: The purpose of creation is to make a dwelling place for G‑d in the lowest of worlds. To accomplish this, a Jew must confront the basest challenges of creation, and he must find G‑d and serve Him in that space. Therefore, it was not enough to remain in the desert and serve G‑d there, or even to remain in a place of pasture and serve G‑d there; rather, a person must go into the land, where there is struggle and challenge, and serve G‑d in that setting. Therefore, most of the Jews were commanded to enter Israel.
2) Even these tribes were only allowed to remain in Transjordan after promising to lead their brothers in battle to conquer the Land of Israel. This gives us insight into why Moses allowed them to remain. Clearly, it is understood that in order to accomplish a mission, there is a need for guidance by leaders who are immersed in the goal. So, too, the mission of making a dwelling place for G‑d in this lowest world needs guidance from Torah leaders and those who occupy themselves with the ways of G‑d.
This was precisely the request of the tribes of Gad and Reuben: “Let us remain in a land without challenges, a land where we can focus and connect to G‑d. However, we will not distance ourselves from the mission of the Jewish people; we will lead them in their mission, we will be their beacon and shining light, and we will be their Torah guides and show them how to achieve their goal.”
In the words of the Talmud ( Brachot 35b): Rabbi Yishmael opined that a person must conduct himself in the ways of the world. Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai, on the other hand, says: If a man plows in the season of plowing, sows in the season of sowing, harvests in the season of harvest, and winnows in the season of winnowing what will become of the Torah? Rather, when a person follows the will of G‑d, his work will be done by others.
The Talmud concludes: “ Many did as Rabbi Yishmael advocated and were successful; [and many did] as Rabbi Shimon bar Yochai and were not successful”—i.e., when it comes to the “many,” the predominant task of the Jewish people, they need to act in the way of the land, making a dwelling place for G‑d in the lowest realm. And if “many” act in accordance with Rabbi Shimon’s advice, they will not be successful, because that is the mission of the few—to lead the Jewish people in transforming the world into an abode for G‑d with the vision of Torah ( Likkutei Sichot, vol. 8, p. 182 ff. ).
In our lives, we must have both these attitudes. On the one hand, we must yearn for a time of seclusion when we are removed from all worldly affairs; it is a time to serve G‑d and connect to Him through Torah and prayer. On the other hand, there are times when we must go into the world and bring the light of Torah into our worldly affairs, making it a “home” for G‑d ( Likkutei Sichot, vol. 15, p. 138).
As you know from the story of Elijah and Elisha, about whom the verse states (I Kings 19:19): Twelve yokes were before him, and he was with the twelfth.
כְּמוֹ שֶׁיָּדַעְתָּ מֵעִנְיַן אֵלִיָּהוּ עִם אֱלִישָׁע, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר עָלָיו "שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר צְמָדִים לְפָנָיו וְהוּא בִּשְׁנֵים הֶעָשָׂר" (מלכים א' יט, יט).
Since Elijah subtly hinted to him that he would be a prophet, Elisha understood him and said (in the following verse): Please allow me to kiss my father and my mother, and I will go after you , and the following verse states: And he followed Elijah and ministered to him.
וְכֵיוָן שֶׁרָמַז לוֹ אֵלִיָּהוּ בִּמְעַט רֶמֶז, הֵבִין אוֹתוֹ וְאָמַר "אֶשֳּׁקָה נָּא לְאָבִי וּלְאִמִּי וְאֵלְכָה אַחֲרֶיךָ" (מלכים א' יט, כ), וְאָמַר "וַיֵּלֶךְ אַחֲרֵי אֵלִיָּהוּ וַיְשָׁרְתֵהוּ" (מלכים א' יט, כא).
The story is told of an ascetic who went to a certain country to teach its inhabitants about the correct way to serve G‑d. He found that they were all wearing the same-colored clothing and ornaments, their gravesites were next to the doors of their homes, and he did not see any women among them.
וְאָמְרוּ עַל אֶחָד מֵהַפְּרוּשִׁים שֶׁנִּכְנַס לִמְדִינָה אַחַת לְהוֹרוֹת אֶת יוֹשְׁבֶיהָ עֲבוֹדַת הָאֱלֹהִים, וַיִּמְצָאֵם לוֹבְשִׁים צֶבַע אֶחָד בְּמַלְבּוּשֵׁיהֶם וְתַכְשִׁיטֵיהֶם, וְרָאָה קִבְרֵיהֶם אֵצֶל פִּתְחֵי בָתֵּיהֶם, וְלֹא רָאָה בֵינֵיהֶם אִשָּׁה.
When he asked them about this, they replied: “The reason why we all wear the same-colored clothing is so that it should not be distinguishable between the poor and the rich, and so that the rich will not end up arrogant and boastful about his wealth, and so that the poor will not despise himself, and he should think of his life on this earth in the same manner as when he will be underneath it, after his passing. It is said about one of the kings that he would mingle among his servants and could not be identified among them, because he conducted himself humbly in regard to the clothes and ornaments that he wore.
וְשָׁאַל אוֹתָם עַל זֶה, וְאָמְרוּ לוֹ: "מַה שֶּׁאָנוּ לוֹבְשִׁים צֶבַע אֶחָד, שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה נִכָּר הֶעָנִי מִן הֶעָשִׁיר, וְשֶׁלֹּא יָבֹא הֶעָשִׁיר לְהִתְגָּאוֹת וּלְהִתְפָּאֵר בְּעָשְׁרוֹ וְיָבֹא הֶעָנִי לְהִתְבַּזּוֹת אֵצֶל עַצְמוֹ, וְשֶׁיִּדְמֶה עִנְיָנֵנוּ עַל הָאֲדָמָה כְּעִנְיָנֵנוּ תַּחְתֶּיהָ. וְנֶאֱמַר עַל אֶחָד מֵהַמְּלָכִים שֶׁהָיָה מִתְעָרֵב בֵּין עֲבָדָיו וְלֹא הָיָה נִכָּר בֵּינֵיהֶם, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁהָיָה נוֹהֵג מִנְהַג הַשִּׁפְלוּת בְּתַכְשִׁיטָיו וּבְמַלְבּוּשָׁיו.
And think of his life on this earth in the same manner as when he will be underneath it, after his passing. I.e., just as in death there is no difference between the rich and the poor, and everyone is dressed in the same shrouds, so do we live in life (“upon the earth”) ( Tov Halevanon ; Marpei Lanefesh ).
Alternatively, this is a continuation: The poor man shall not be disgraced in his own eyes because of the rich, which will then cause the poor person to feel that death is preferable to life ( Nedar Bakodesh ).
In regard to the clothes and ornaments that he wore. He made himself indistinguishable in his clothes, which helped him with his humility. However, when in public he made sure to act in a kingly manner, as the Torah demands, because his subjects were supposed to feel awe toward a king (Rabbi Yaakov Emden).
“As to the reason why we placed our gravesites next to the doors of our houses, it is in order that we should take rebuke from it, by being ready for death, and to prepare for ourselves the provisions that will bring us to the place of rest.”
וּמַה שֶּׁשַּׂמְנוּ קִבְרוֹת מֵתֵינוּ אֵצֶל פְּתָחֵינוּ, כְּדֵי שֶׁנִּוָּכַח מֵהֶם וְנִהְיֶה נְכוֹנִים לָמוּת, וְנַזְמִין לָנוּ הַצֵּדָה הַמַּגַּעַת אוֹתָנוּ לִמְקוֹם הַמְּנוּחָה.
Prepare for ourselves the provisions that will bring us to the place of rest. This refers to spiritual provisions—the study of Torah and fulfillment of mitzvot. In the words of the Talmud: A person should repent one day before death ( Avot 2:11), and since no one knows the day he will die, he must be in a constant state of repentance ( Shabbat 153a; Tov Halevanon ).
Reminding them how they must prepare themselves for the World to Come. Meaning that this will cause them to ponder the possible imminence of death and the frailty of man ( Tov Halevanon ).
“That which you noticed that we separated ourselves from our wives and children, you should know that we designated a city for them nearby. When one of us needs something from them, he goes to them and takes care of his needs, and he then returns to us. We did this because we saw the stress, much loss, great exertion, and toil that would come to us as a result of being in proximity to them, and the relief from all of this due to our distance from them, enabling us to be free to choose to engage in matters of the World to Come, and to detest the matters of this world.”
וּמַה שֶּׁרָאִיתָ שֶׁפֵּרַשְׁנוּ מִן הַנָּשִׁים וְהַבָּנִים, דַּע כִּי יִחַדְנוּ לָהֶם קִרְיָה קְרוֹבָה מִכָּאן, כְּשֶׁיִּצְטָרֵךְ אֶחָד מִמֶּנּוּ עַל דָּבָר מִדִּבְרֵיהֶם, יֵלֵךְ אֲלֵיהֶם וְיַשְׁלִים צָרְכּוֹ וְיָשׁוּב אֵלֵינוּ, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁרָאִינוּ בְּמַה שֶּׁיִּכָּנֵס עָלֵינוּ מִטִּרְדַּת הַלֵּב וְרֹב הַהֶפְסֵד וְגֹדֶל הַיְגִיעָה וְהַטֹּרַח בְּקִרְבָתָם, וְהַמְּנוּחָה מִכָּל זֶה בְּהַרְחָקָתָם, לִבְחוֹר בְּעִנְיְנֵי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא וְלִמְאוֹס בְּעִנְיְנֵי הָעוֹלָם הַזֶּה."
We separated ourselves from our wives and our children. The Chatam Sofer explains that this type of service is not constant. There is a place for this type of Divine service when a person is immersed ( oisek ) in prayer and Torah study. At such a time, he should not be disturbed at all by family; he should be dedicated to G‑d. Then there are times when the commandment is clearly to involve the family, such as joy on festivals, where the verse explicitly commands (Deuteronomy 16:14): And you shall be joyous in your festivals, you and your sons and your daughters. At these times, he clearly should not be separated from his family; rather, he must include his family in his Divine service ( Torat Moshe, Parshat Shemot ).
Their words found favor in the eyes of the ascetic who had visited them, and he blessed and praised them for their practices.
וַיִּיטְבוּ דִבְרֵיהֶם בְּעֵינֵי הַפָּרוּשׁ, וַיְבָרֶךְ אוֹתָם וַיְאַשְּׁרֵם בְּעִנְיָנָם.
