Why aren't women and men treated the same in Judaism?

Question: Why aren't women and men treated the same in Judaism?

Answer: In Torah, a woman has every obligation of a man, and a man every obligation of a woman.

Torah doesn't know of man and woman as separate beings. They are a single whole, whether they are cognizant of one another or not. Each act is performed once through a single body. A body that in our world may appear as two, but to the Torah is seen as one.

This is actually a statement of Rabbi Isaac Luria, the greatest of the kaballists. He explains that the man and woman are a single body—and that is how they are considered in halacha, as well. So, for example, a woman also puts on tefillin--only that she puts them on with her male body. If everything is working right, that should be her husband.

Tzvi Freeman is the author of Bringing Heaven Down to Earth and, more recently, Wisdom to Heal the Earth. Subscribe to The Daily Dose of Wisdom and Freeman Files for regular updates.

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Anon July 25, 2023

I’m gay and pretty feminine (not like a drag queen) and have a lot of womanly qualities, does that mean my other half is a man or still a woman? The idea of marrying a woman makes me deeply uncomfortable Reply

Rabbi Help Florida January 7, 2026

in response to Anon:

Dear Anon, Your feminine qualities or orientation don’t determine the gender of your soul-mate in the spiritual sense.
In Kabbalah, a soul has giver/receiver energies, not psychological gender labels.

But in halacha, marriage is only between a man and a woman. So if you are a man, your mitzvah and halachic marriage path is to a woman—regardless of personality or expression.

Feeling uncomfortable about it is real and not something to be shamed. It just means your heart needs safety and support before a future relationship can feel possible, healthy, and holy.

Your soul’s partner is chosen by purpose, not adjectives. Your inner world deserves patience, care, and compassion along the way. Reply

Jeffrey J Weisenfeld Brooklyn Ny April 10, 2022

I feel the answer given fails to address the issue. The answer, in effect, says that because freedom can be misused, that it should not be sought.
Why cannot women be ordained Rabbis? Upon what biblical text is that determination made? Or is it just habit.
Also, if religious duties are to be shared why are certain duties left to men? Reply

Jake Brooklyn February 23, 2024

in response to Jeffrey J Weisenfeld:

I was told that, if every woman marries, she and her husband are "one flesh" and she performs "male" religious duties through their performance by her husband.

Similarly, he performs "female" religious duties (such as tearing off a piece of challah dough and burning it before baking the rest of it into loaves of bread)--via his wife's baking.

And he "goes to the mikveh after her period" in the person of his wife. Reply

Hanaleh Houston November 20, 2020

If I had a husband--and if he dovened with tallis and tefillin, which he did not--I would be happy for his to be the male body for "my" tefillin.

But he never did.

So where is the body to wear the tefillin? I do not desire to wear them, but I am concerned that there is nobody wearing them.

What should I do? I am more than 70 years old. I would be happy to marry someone who dovens with tefillin, and I pray for that, but the odds get smaller every day.

Shouldn't I do something to fulfill this mitzvah, since I do not have a "male body" to do it?

I'm serious. I want the mitzvah to e done. I'd love to watch my husband do it, if I had such a husband. Meanwhile, I need to know how to get the mitzvah done.

I;m not the only one. Many would welcome your advice on this.

Thank you, Tzvi, for any response. Reply

Rabbi Z. April 25, 2021

in response to Hanaleh:

It must be as the Rebbe, wrote to one lady who unfortunately couldn't conceive, that God's mission for you can be acomplished in a way that this is not necessary. Reply

Yitzhak N NY January 5, 2016

The explanations given are downright insulting. Also, someone said that the extra privilege given to men is actually an extra responsibility given to men and a reprieve given to women. Now, who asked for the reprieve? The notion of giving women a reprieve itself is discriminatory. Reply

Anonymous FC June 26, 2019

in response to Yitzhak N:

Relax, Yitzach, no one was insulting anyone, you chose to take it that way.

Being "required" to wrap Tefillin every morning is, indeed, a burden. I would agree with Averch that not being required to do so, is, in fact, a reprieve, and has nothing to do with gender or your perceived gender insults. Reply

Yosef Brooklyn November 20, 2020

in response to Anonymous:

Anonymous responded to Yitzhak N, saying that there was no insult.

I understand this.

However, there ARE women who desire to wear tefillin, and they feel they should have the opportunity to enjoy tis spiritual experience. They feel they are missing out. Maybe they are. Certainly many men find it a desirable spiritual experience. I do not know whether it might be so also for women. There do seem to be women who find it so.

They ae being told that their yearning for that aspect of spirituality is to be denied.

Can you see how this perspective makes it an insult to tell them they have no right to the best spirituality they can experience?

Instead of telling them that Gd doesn't care about their spiritual needs, you might try offering a bit of empathy.

Surely something can be done to provide them the maximum spiritual experience of which they are capable.

YOU may find tefillin a burden. Sad. Many men find it a joy. Perhaps many women also find it a spiritual joy., not a burden. Reply

Daniel Klous Netherlands December 26, 2022

in response to Yosef:

Act according to the laws of The Torah.
Women should not put tefilin.
If you do things without knowing, you can make mistakes and severly damage your soul, or other souls.
You are held accountable in The Heavens if you deny to do research and choose to follow your ego. Reply

Averch Colorado February 16, 2015

I read a lot of the comments here and am sad to report that mostly everybody commenting has no idea what their talking about.

I understand that many people can become very impassioned when talking about women's roles is Judaism, but you need to do the reasearch first and learn all about it.

While some of the stricter rules seem like they may be stifling on the outside (to women) you have to look at it through the correct lense.

For example not letting a woman wear teffilin is not saying that they are not as important and should be stopped from davening as such; rather you should understand that they don't have the obligation. It's not meant to be a privilege tor men, but rather a reprieve for women.

I could go on and on about other situations where this is apparent, but I don't have enough space! Reply

YEVGENIY FURMAN SCARSDALE September 22, 2014

I am no expert on the subject but by that logic you can rationalize arbitrarily unequal treatment of men and women in general. Let's go back to traditional role of a woman as a housewife and claim that man is actually is a housewife himself through her body. I doubt my wife would agree to splitting responsibilities based on the premise above. Reply

sigal April 27, 2014

why are not women given free choice in Judaism?
I don't necessary mean that they should put on a yarmulka and tfillim but why can not women take on men's roles in prayer? why are all world religion so rigid and not open to change in gender roles? Reply

Scott September 27, 2017

in response to sigal :

Because we that love and fear God find it more important to fulfill his will than our own knowing that he is wise in his heart to know what is best for us, that there is a way to gain peace and joy and love, happiness, harmony between men and women and it’s found by setting aside our own egos our own pride, ideas, philosophies... etc and simply trust that he knows what is best at heart for us, after all, He created man and woman. He knows His creation better than all of us together Reply

Isaac Manhattan February 23, 2024

in response to sigal :

Because those ancient cultures did not view women as belonging to the same species as men.
Not as humans, perhaps, but certainly as not qualified to perform leadership roles.
And yet even in the Talmud, which is more biased than the Bible is, we find many stories indicating that women have deeper spirituality (presumably enabling women to doven deeply without the aid of tallis & tefillin) or even as more intelligent (which is why a man needs a wife for moe than producing childen--he needs his wife's advice, according to such stories. I am thinking of a specific story of a queen whose husband permitted her to advise a poor man, and, by taking her advice, the poor man became wealthy.
There is also the tale of the innkeeper's clever daughter. The nobleman posed riddles and the innkeeper could not solve them, but his daughter could. The nobleman married the daughter and, at the end, took her advice in all things, because she knew better than he did. But they knew: genders differ deeply. Reply

Chaim Cinncinnati February 11, 2014

To Karen, whose legacy will be her husband and children Every person's legacy includes his/her spouse and children or other people.

A professor's legacy may include the loving teaching experience given to his/her students. Should females be debarred from including this in their legacies?

The legacy of one who writes an inspiring or informative book should include many generations of readers. Should females be debarred from including this in their legacies?

What if the writer needs to read so as to know what to say? Should competent intelligent wise females be debarred from writing inspiring and informative books on Talmud because girls schools refuse to include this material in their curriculum? Boys learn Talmud from before the age of bar mitzvah, and so are enabled to learn a great deal of Talmud during their post-bar-mitzvah years, i.e., their adult years.

A gifted woman trying to learn Talmud may not be able to find, nearby, a non-frum college class (watered down or distorted) in Talmud.

Her legacy to the ages is, sadly, lost. Reply

Hanalah Huntsville, Ala February 11, 2014

Tzvi does not invent answers There are more than 2000 years of teachers who derived meanings both from the written Torah and from the oral Torah.

That is where Tzvi gets most of his answers.

And he gets some from the Rebbe, who may get some directly from Gd. I would not be surprised if the Rebbe got information and wisdom directly from Gd. Not saying, just considering the possibility.

But in any case, the answers which are not obvious from the Bible are faithful to the Source, rather than invented Reply

Meira Shana San Diego January 21, 2014

Now I better understand the TRINITY When the Christians made their NT bible, they had to have a basis ... and they seemed to take from the Hebrew bible what they wanted and then made what they didn't want as if it was no longer valid.

A man is not a woman and a woman is not a man - even though each has both male and female traits or cells or whatever.

Each is an individual. However, in early Hebrew bible and day to day living it was WOMEN (woe men) who were chattel. Men could have multiple women -- until the laws changed and "marriage" came into favor. Reply

Miriam Reno July 8, 2019

in response to Meira Shana:

To Meira Shana
It's not the Bible which sees women as "chattel." EG, the book of Kings tells of the wise woman of a city, who causes a certain man to be turned over to an army which threatens her city. She sees to the safety of the city & regulates the people inside. She's in charge.
Wives aren't chattel. A jealous husband can't punish his wife for his foolish suspicions. He takes her to the Temple. She undergoes an ordeal in which only a MIRACLE can prove her GUILTY. The Bible upholds the woman's innocence!!

But in rabbinc times, the Jews are hellenized. The ancient Greeks were very much into women as "chattel." It was GREEK influence which caused the Talmudic treatment of the woman to be very different. The Talmud says the woman should be thoroughly humiliated and that her breasts should be exposed to the priests.

Greek influence made the rabbis treat her as chattel.

Te Bible gives her more power than the rabbis do. Reply

Steve E Abraham New York January 20, 2014

you did not answer the question? I don't see that what you said is an answer to the question. A woman cannot read from the Torah on shabbos on the Bimah. There are so many things a woman cannot do that a man does in Judaism. What about a woman who is not married? What about a widow? What about a young girl who has not married yet? How does male/female.. one body... affect the laws that they cannot do? Why can't a female be a Rabbi? Why can't a female go to the alter in the temple for quorbonot? It would be ok if you answered, "I don't know, but I still follow the directions of Hashem". If you make up an answer like this, and we find that your answer is wrong, then the original question becomes even stronger! It seems like this is another example of the "Tzvi fantasy" answers that you make up to avoid saying you do not know the answer. Reply

Sarah Brooklyn June 23, 2019

in response to Steve E Abraham:

I am a young woman who is not married yet. And I think through my own questioning and answers I have found I can maybe answer you. The funny thing is all these comments are written by men. Anyways, something I heard which I like very much is that what is G-D's love language? We want to do things that G-D gave others the obligation to do, but its G-d that gives those obligation. So first before you want to do what is not obligated of you do what is obligated of you. Also as woman we have a very unique and incredible mission (besides for our individual one) we can have children! And no matter what a man cannot! So our lives have that obligation so we are free of a man's obligation. Modern feminism has convinced woman that the home is downgrading work but according to Torah it is the holiest thing! Reply

Anonymous FC June 26, 2019

in response to Sarah :

Why do you hate men so much? Your comment discrediting others' comments just because they are men is pure drivel, and hate speech. Maybe when you reach adulthood, Sarah, you will have learned how to be respectful of everyone, not just yourself. Reply

Ann Brooklyn November 20, 2020

in response to Sarah :

I'm a woman & I agree with Sarah that most women receive the gift of pregnancy & childbirth.

I feel sorry for men who lack this tremendous joyful spiritual experience.

I sympathize with any man who feels deprived of this privilege.

I do not think that the joy of creating a child warrants being punished for the fact that men cannot do the same.

If I could do a miracle & enable any man who wants to, to experience pregnancy & childbirth, I'd grant it to any man who requested it.

Similarly, men do have a magic wand and can grant to any women who so desires the spiritual experience of tefillin. Let them be as generous with this experience as I would be with men who desire the experience of pregnancy & childbirth.

I personally would feel odd trying to doven with tefillin, & I don't make any attempt to do this. But just as some men admit they want the female experience of childbirth, so some women want to doven w. tefillin. Let them. Reply

Anonymous November 19, 2020

in response to Anonymous:

I find it a stretch to see Sarah's comment as "hate speech." All she was saying is that as a frum woman, she has a clear perspective on this topic, and and a special role in Judaism. Nothing anti-men, just showing that Judaism is truly pro-women. Reply

Dvora Queens November 20, 2020

in response to Anonymous:

To anonymous who accuses Sarah of hating men.

What Sarah is this? The post above tells women to regard housework as holy.

She is not hating men at all.

Is there another Sarah below?

Please try to avoid assuming hatred on anyone's part.

Assume that everyone is respectful and means well. That is probably true. Reply

Anonymous toronto January 12, 2014

prayers The fact is, submission can only be given; it cannot be demanded. The biblical term for submission is always dependent upon a response of will on the part of the individual being called to it. Be clear that the Bible does not say God intended women to be submitted to men. It says that a wife is to be submitted to her husband. Submission is not the reduction of either a wife’s personal fulfillment or realization of her own potential. It has to do with her acceptance and support of the husband’s place in the divine creative order to provide leadership in their lives together.
For a couple to become “heirs together,” it also takes an understanding, sensitive, and responsible husband who does not interpret “submission” to mean he has the privilege of being a tyrant, or to think that he has been made superior. Marriage is important for some because they are co heirs in the grace of life , so that prayers are not hindered. Not all are called to married life .For some single life is good. Reply

Andy Usa November 24, 2021

in response to Anonymous:

You're comment is from a Christian view of relationship between men and women. Judaism teaches that husband and wife work in concert to each other to achieve the wholeness of the divine not in a dominance/submission fashion.
It is my opinion that your description in total is what leads to oppression and other ills never intended by Hashem. Reply

Becky Pittsburgh January 14, 2013

what about single folks? At 46, I'm still single by chance, not choice. What about men and women without their 'other half'? I'm sure you get that a lot. I respect that some mitzvot are fulfilled primarily by one gender or the other. Still, singles are left out of this equation. Reply

Rachael Chicago December 26, 2012

Exemption and obligation My understanding is: The wearing of Tefillin is a positive, time sensitive mitzvah. Women are exempt from many such mitzvot, since other things may also be pressing for her. For example, if a woman is caring for small children in the morning, she is exempt from the mitzvah of tefillin, and her husband would perform this for them both (the way a chazan davans on behalf of a congergation during some prayers). It is not a sin for a woman to wear tefillin in the absence of a man, just as it is not a sin for a man to light Chanukkah candles in the absence of a woman. I have read of women in Medieval France who wore tefillin regularly, and I am told it has made a resurgence among some women today. My husband is non-observant, and I have considered putting on tefillin with my son when he comes of age as a way to share that tradition and to let him see that it's good to carry on traditions. It is better to celebrate the positive mitzvot than to let the traditions die out. Reply

Yonah Moshe Austin, TX December 26, 2012

Why is this controversial? Women are not required, nor forbidden to fulfill the mitzvah of donning tefillin and tallit. Does that not make this then and optional mitzvah? What is so controversial about a woman performing an optional mitzvah? Is it not still a mitzvah none the less? The more light brought into the world through mitzvah observance, the better. That's just my opinion. Reply

Ari Canada December 26, 2012

Interesting... Interesting. So, if a woman wants to get married, she should buy tefilim and leave them in the shul. Then, she has just to find who put them to know who will be her husband ... Reply

ruth housman marshfield hills, ma December 26, 2012

One Body and yet, it seems women in Orthodox Judaism are treated less well, in terms of being heard, in terms of allowed certain privileges, that go to the men. So I am not so sure about the One Body. Is there some fear women are too, "bawdy". They have to be so covered up, and there are many who also cover their hair. This is modesty, and yes, there are many ways to see this. I do not judge, but i do say, there were great women Judges in Biblical History, and Deborah was one. I think it's time for a sweeping change, and maybe women, being very smart, are more than, just the other half of the whole. Other branches of Judaism do worship together, do dance together, and do not avert their eyes in greeting each other and hugs are perfectly OK. Reply

Sarah Brooklyn June 23, 2019

in response to ruth housman:

So there are many reasons why men and woman stay separate. I am a teenager and very grateful for this seeing some of my friends getting themselves into drama and heartache because their 'boyfriend' just dumped them. I think besides for marriage ( and siblings, i love my brothers) men and woman should stay separate. It keeps marriage very sacred. Anyways any man treating his wife with disrespect is not going according to Torah. It says that a man must honor his wife more then himself. Averting eyes, that's a bit extreme it's ok to look at people of the opposite gender as long as it's in an appropriate way of course. Keep in mind men and woman are both half of one whole. It's not just us woman that are half. It also says in Torah it is not good for man to be alone! We need each other. That is why we are opposites.
- a grateful observant girl Reply

Ann Fort Worth, Texas June 26, 2019

in response to ruth housman:

Dear Ruth,
I am Conservadox in my membership and observance.
Nonetheless, I see the various orthodox denominations (and there are a great many) as maintaining the continuity of Jewish practice through the ages.
For centuries, they have gradually changed.
But in the past hundred years, the Conservative movement has simply dumped many customs merely for convenience, fearing that otherwise they might lost members.
What has happened instead is that Reform and Conservative Jews have dropped out of Jewish congregations and have failed to have enough to replace their own numbers, while the "frum" community has grown. They have attracted members. They have produced children.
The frum community is the wave of the future, as more and more nonfrum Jews drop out of the Jewish community altogether, via indifference and intermarriage with partners who do not convert and who do not rear their children as Jews.

So it becomes almost irrelevant what the nonfrum branches do. They are losing members. Reply

Paula A Baruch Ancaster February 22, 2024

in response to Ann :

This is absolutely untrue. Reform Judaism continues to grow. Conservative Judaism has weaned significantly. Reply

Karen Pty May 4, 2012

I think what Rabbi Freeman meant with the wearing of the tefillim is that when women and men are married, they become one (before marriage, neither the man nor the woman is whole). It's as much a responsability for the man to put on the tefillim as it is for the woman to convince him to do so, because in the end, this man IS his wife.
We, wives, have our own responsibilities just as we have special traits to achieve them that men dont have. Just as they have their own responsibilities that we don't.
This "gender equality" probably stems from women feeling repressed and enslaved. But repressed from what? Enslaved in the house? Taking care of your kids and husband? Why is that enslavement? Why is the grass greener on the men's side? I'm a professional who works, but what am I leaving in this world when I die? My business? What I'll leave is my kids, the family my husband and I created, and if they do good or bad, that's MY responsibility as a mother and honestly, I find it beautiful. Reply

Ann Fort Worth, Texas June 26, 2019

in response to Karen:

To Karen, who says her main legacy is her children--
I too regard my child and his children as my legacy. He dovens every morning and I hope his children will grow up to do the same. That is not only my legacy, but the legacy of his father and of himself as the father of my grandchildren.
But I also regard my students and their success as my legacy.
If I complete my novel (set in biblical times) that will also be an important legacy.
If I complete my memoir, that will also be an important legacy.
If I could have learned in the kind of school available to frum boys, I would know much more Talmud than I do now, and could have enjoyed learning much more than I can now. I could have taught it. That would have been a wonderful legacy. The men who are thus taught can have this legacy AND their children as a legacy. I cannot.
I hope that my granddaughters and great-granddaughters WILL be able to have this legacy. Reply

Meira Shana Vista, CA January 24, 2012

Cross dressing Hmmm, a woman's body is male when he puts on tefillin?

That is a no-no in the bible.

There are certainly sexist remarks and deeds ... but, as far as I'm concerned, it's up to a woman to teach her son the value of women, definitely, and all others, for sure.

No boy should be taught that he isn't a man unless he makes his 'wife' diaper the child or wash dishes and floors.

It doesn't take a man to make a baby - it takes a man to diaper a baby!! Reply

Sarah Miriam Bat yocheved San Diego, CA December 17, 2009

But G-d Allows Women “Tradition does not "allow" women to wear Tefilin or a Talit, because they do not need it.”
The divine 'wings' are said to have the power to protect our divine souls and guard us against evil. Since when is man allowed to go against G-d's command? 'All of the Children of Israel' is further clarified in the Talmud concerning the tzitzit, “G-D commanded all the Children of Israel--Kohenim, Leviyyim, Yisraelim, converts, women and slaves.”
(Tractate Menachot 643a) Reply

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