Introduction
When interpreting our description of G‑d as being “abundant in forgiveness,”1 Who pardons our sins despite our habitual relapses, the Alter Rebbe writes,2 “Forgiveness is [an expression of] the attribute of mercy, and His holy attributes have no limit or end.”
This quality is also inherent in the Jewish people, as Rambam writes:3
It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to be appeased…. When a person who wronged him asks for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a complete heart and a willing spirit…. This is the path of the seed of Israel and their upright spirit…. Because the Gibeonites did not forgive and refused to be appeased, [Scripture] describes them,4 as follows, “The Gibeonites are not among the Children of Israel.”
In the sichah that follows, the Rebbe focuses on the forgiveness Moshe granted the Jewish people after they had spoken against him, quoting Rashi’s statement, “From here, [we learn] that someone who is asked for forgiveness should not be cruel so as not to forgive.” Noting that the source for Rashi’s words is a passage from Midrash Tanchuma that also mentions Avraham granting forgiveness to Avimelech,5 the Rebbe asks why Rashi did not mention this directive in connection with that narrative.
In answering that question, the Rebbe clarifies the multifaceted aspects involved in granting forgiveness. We can absolve the wrong the other person committed against us; we can forgive the person who wronged us; or we can rise above the entire context of was-I-or-was-I-not-wronged, and look at the person who aggrieved us with love and kindness as if the event never occurred.
The Rebbe also compares the passage from Rambam’s Hilchos Teshuvah cited above with similar, but not identical, teachings in Hilchos Deos6 and Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik,7 examining the need for forgiveness from three different perspectives:
a) forgiveness from the standpoint of damages – i.e., since there were injuries and damages, there is a need for atonement for the sin committed by those who caused the damages;
b) forgiveness as it relates to the repentance of those who committed the wrong – how they must rectify the blemish in their character that motivated the undesirable act; and
c) forgiveness as it affects those who forgive – that being able to forgive reflects the perfection of their own character.
Anyone of us who has ever been involved in a heated dispute knows how hard it is to forgive. We feel – and often justifiably – that the other person has wronged us and caused us unnecessary pain. The lessons from this sichah give us tools to rise above such feelings and respond to the other with love despite the previous clash.
To Forgive Generously
This week’s Torah reading relates the passage regarding the copper serpent made by Moshe:8
The people spoke against G‑d and against Moshe…. G‑d sent venomous snakes against the people… and many people of Israel died. The people came to Moshe and said, “We have sinned, for we have spoken against G‑d and against you. Pray to G‑d that He remove the snakes from us.” And Moshe prayed on behalf of the people.
אבְּפַרְשָׁתֵנוּ, דֶערְצֵיילְט דִי תּוֹרָה (דִי פַּרְשָׁה פוּן נְחַשׁ הַנְּחוֹשֶׁת)א : "וַיְדַבֵּר הָעָם בֵּאלֹקִים וּבְמֹשֶׁה גו' וַיְשַׁלַּח ה' בָּעָם אֵת הַנְּחָשִׁים גו' וַיָּבֹא הָעָם אֶל מֹשֶׁה וַיֹּאמְרוּ חָטָאנוּ גו' הִתְפַּלֵּל אֶל ה' וְיָסֵר מֵעָלֵינוּ אֶת הַנָּחָשׁ וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל מֹשֶׁה בְּעַד הָעָם".
Rashi focuses on the words, “And Moshe prayed,” and explains, “From here, [we learn] that someone who is asked for forgiveness9 should not be cruel so as not to forgive.” Other versions of Rashi’s text use slightly different wording, “should not be cruel in forgiving.”10
שְׁטֶעלְט זִיךְ רַשִׁ"י אוֹיף דִי ווֶערְטֶער "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל מֹשֶׁה" אוּן אִיז מְפָרֵשׁ: מִכַּאן לְמִי שֶׁמְּבַקְשִׁים מִמֶּנּוּ מְחִילָהב שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל. וְיֵשׁ גּוֹרְסִים "אַכְזָרִי לִמְחוֹל"ג.
The source for Rashi’s interpretation is Midrash Tanchuma,11 which states:
The purpose of this is to make known Moshe’s humility, that he did not hesitate to request mercy for them and to make you aware of the power of teshuvah – as soon as [the people] said, “We have sinned…,” Moshe was immediately appeased, for a person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel to them, [but should forgive immediately. This is also reflected in Avraham’s conduct,] as it is written,12 “Avraham prayed to G‑d and G‑d13 healed Avimelech….”
(Afterwards, Midrash Tanchuma cites further support from a verse from Iyov.)
(Avimelech had taken Sarah, Avraham’s wife, and desired to be intimate with her. It was only through a Divine miracle – a plague visited on Avimelech and his household – that she was not touched. G‑d told Avimelech to return Sarah to Avraham and ask him to pray that Avimelech and his household be healed.14 )
דֶער מָקוֹר פוּן דֶעם פִּירוּשׁ אִיז אִין תַּנְחוּמָאד אוּן דָארְט ווֶערְט גֶעזָאגְט: "לְהוֹדִיעַ עַנְוְתָנוּתוֹ שֶׁל מֹשֶׁה שֶׁלֹּא נִשְׁתָּהָה לְבַקֵּשׁ עֲלֵיהֶם רַחֲמִים וּלְהוֹדִיעֲךָ כֹּחַ הַתְּשׁוּבָה כֵּיוָן שֶׁאָמְרוּ חָטָאנוּ מִיָּד נִתְרַצָּה לָהֶם שֶׁאֵין הַמּוֹחֵל נַעֲשֶׂה לָהֶם אַכְזָרִי וְכֵן הוּא אוֹמֵרה וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים וַיִּרְפָּא הָאֱלֹקִיםו אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ וְאֶת גו'" (אוּן דֶערְנָאךְ בְּרֶענְגְט עֶר נָאךְ אַ פָּסוּק ווָאס שְׁטֵייט בַּיי אִיּוֹב).
Based on the above, clarification is necessary: Why – when speaking about Moshe granting forgiveness – does Rashi say, “From here, [we learn] that someone who is asked for forgiveness…,” when that concept can be derived from an earlier event, Avraham’s prayer for Avimelech, as is evident from Midrash Tanchuma?15
וְעַל פִּי זֶה צָרִיךְ לְהָבִין: פַארְווָאס זָאגְט רַשִׁ"י "מִכַּאן לְמִי שֶׁמְּבַקְשִׁים מִמֶּנּוּ מְחִילָה" בְּשַׁעַת מֶען קֶען דָאס שׁוֹין אָפְּלֶערְנֶען פוּן דֶעם פְרִיעֶרְדִיקְן פָּסוּק "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם גו'", ווִי סְ'אִיז מוּכָח פוּן תַּנְחוּמָאז ?
Furthermore, the derivation of this concept from Avraham’s conduct is specifically mentioned by the Mishnah in Bava Kama,16 which states that when a person injures his fellowman, even if he reimburses him for all the five types of damages due him,17 he is not forgiven for the pain or the embarrassment he caused18 until he asks the aggrieved party for forgiveness, as reflected by the verse,19 “Now, return the man’s wife….”20
The Mishnah continues,21 “From where is it derived that [if the person who was harmed] does not forgive him, he is cruel?” – or according to another version,22 “From where is it derived that the one who forgives should not be cruel? It is written, ‘Avraham prayed to G‑d and G‑d healed Avimelech….’”23
[וְעוֹד: אָט דֶער לִימּוּד פוּן אַבְרָהָם אִיז אַ מִשְׁנָה אִין מַסֶּכֶת בָּבָא קַמָּאח, אַז "אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהוּא נוֹתֵן לוֹ (בְּשַׁעַת אֵיינֶער הָאט חוֹבֵל גֶעווֶען בַּחֲבֵירוֹ אִיז כָאטשׁ אַז עֶר הָאט אִים בַּאצָאלְט אַלֶע חֲמִשָּׁה דְבָרִיםט ) אֵין נִמְחָל לוֹ (מִן הַצַּעַר שֶׁל הַבּוֹשֶׁת שֶׁבִּיְּשׁוֹי ) עַד שֶׁיְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ שֶׁנֶּאֱמַריא וְעַתָּה הָשֵׁב אֵשֶׁת וגו'יב וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁאִם לֹא מָחַל לוֹ שֶׁהוּא אַכְזָרִי"יג (אָדֶער ווִי דִי צְווֵייטֶע גִירְסָאיד "וּמִנַּיִן שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי") שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים וַיִּרְפָּא אֱלֹקִים אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ וגו'"טו.
According to this, it is difficult to understand why Rashi, when interpreting the straightforward meaning of the verse, states that the above concept is derived “from here,” i.e., from Moshe’s conduct, and not, as stated in the Mishnah, from Avraham’s conduct when praying to G‑d on behalf of Avimelech.
אִיז דָאךְ לְפִי זֶה תָּמוּהַּ, פַארְווָאס רַשִׁ"י אִיז מְפָרֵשׁ בִּפְשׁוּטוֹ שֶׁל מִקְרָא אַז דָאס לֶערְנְט מֶען אָפּ "מִכַּאן", בַּא מֹשֶׁה'ן, אוּן נִיט (ווִי אִין דֶער מִשְׁנָה, אַז מְ'לֶערְנְט עֶס אָפּ) פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים"?]
Furthermore, Avraham’s response reflected a more encompassing innovation regarding the manner and the obligation to grant forgiveness. Firstly, the seriousness of the offense to which Avraham was subjected seemingly surpasses that to which Moshe was subjected. Taking Sarah, Avraham’s wife, to Avimelech’s home appears to be a more serious affront and caused greater pain24 than the fact that the people spoke against Moshe. Also, the forgiveness and the removal of the punishment was greater in Avraham’s instance. As soon as Avraham prayed for Avimelech, G‑d healed him. By contrast, in our Torah reading, there was a condition for the people to be saved, as it is written,25 “Make for yourself a serpent… and whoever is bitten will look up at it and live,” i.e., the punishment was not removed immediately.
נָאכְמֶער: אִין דֶעם מְאוֹרָע מִיט אַבְרָהָם אִיז דָא נָאךְ אַ גְרֶעסֶערֶער חִידּוּשׁ אִין אוֹפֶן וְחִיּוּב הַמְּחִילָה: סַיי מִצַּד דֶעם חוֹמֶר הַחֵטְא – דָאס ווָאס שָׂרָה אִשְׁתּוֹ אִיז צוּגֶענוּמֶען גֶעווָארְן לְבֵית אֲבִימֶלֶךְ אִיז לִכְאוֹרָה אַ גְרֶעסֶערֶע פְּגִיעָה וְצַעַרטז ווִי דָאס ווָאס "דִּבְּרוּ בְּמֹשֶׁה"; אוּן סַיי מִצַּד דֶער מְחִילָה וְסִילּוּק הָעוֹנֶשׁ – דָארְטְן שְׁטֵייט וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם גו' (אוּן תֵּיכֶף וּמִיָּד) וַיִּרְפָּא אֱלֹקִים גו', וּבְפַרְשָׁתֵנוּ אִיז אִין דֶעם גֶעווֶען אַ תְּנַאי, "עֲשֵׂהטז* לְךָ שָׂרָף . . וְהָיָה כָּל הַנָּשׁוּךְ וְרָאָה אוֹתוֹ וָחָי", דֶער עוֹנֶשׁ הָאט זִיךְ נִיט אָפְּגֶעטָאן תֵּיכֶף וּמִיַּד.
Why Learn from Moshe? Learn from Avraham
On the surface, it is possible to explain that according to the straightforward reading of the verses, Rashi understands that an explicit request for forgiveness was made specifically in our Torah reading, as the Jews stated, “We have sinned, for we have spoken against G‑d and against you. Pray to G‑d….” By contrast, Avimelech did not request forgiveness. His words to Avraham26 – “What have you done to us? How have I sinned against you, that you have brought upon me and upon my kingdom a great sin? Deeds that are not done, you have done to me.… What did you see, that you did this thing?” – do not indicate a request for forgiveness. On the contrary, it sounds like he is lodging a protest against Avraham.
בלִכְאוֹרָה ווָאלְט מֶען גֶעקֶענְט זָאגְן, אַז לוֹיט פְּשׁוּטוֹ שֶׁל מִקְרָא (לֶערְנְט רַשִׁ"י) אִיז דַוְקָא בְּפַרְשָׁתֵנוּ אַן עִנְיָן פוּן בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה:
דִי אִידְן הָאבְּן גֶעזָאגְט "חָטָאנוּ כִּי דִבַּרְנוּ בַה' וָבָךְ הִתְפַּלֵּל אֶל ה'";
מַה שֶּׁאֵין כֵּן בַּא אֲבִימֶלֶךְ אִיז נִיט גֶעווֶען קֵיין בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה: זַיְין זָאגְןיז "מֶה עָשִׂיתָ לָּנוּ וּמֶה חָטָאתִי לָךְ כִּי הֵבֵאתָ עָלַי וְעַל מַמְלַכְתִּי חֲטָאָה גְדוֹלָה מַעֲשִׂים אֲשֶׁר לֹא יֵעָשׂוּ עָשִׂיתָ עִמָּדִי . . מָה רָאִיתָ כִּי עָשִׂיתָ אֶת הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה" הָאט נִיט דֶעם תּוֹכֶן פוּן בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה, וְאַדְּרַבָּא – נוּסַח שֶׁל תְּבִיעָה מֵאַבְרָהָם,
Indeed, from a straightforward reading of the manner in which the Tosefta27 refers to the incident, it does not appear that Avimelech requested forgiveness.28 The Tosefta states, “When a person injures his fellowman, even though the one who caused the harm did not ask the person who was harmed for forgiveness, the person who was harmed must ask for Divine mercy for [the one who caused him injury], as it is written, ‘Avraham prayed to G‑d…’”
[אוּן אַזוֹי אִיז אוֹיךְ מַשְׁמַע פוּן פַּשְׁטוּת הַלָּשׁוֹן בְּתוֹסֶפְתָּאיח, אַז דָארְט אִיז נִיט גֶעווֶען קֵיין בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָהיט : "הַחוֹבֵל בַּחֲבֵרוֹ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁלֹּא בִקֵּשׁ הַחוֹבֵל מִן הַנֶּחְבָּל הַנֶּחְבָּל צָרִיךְ שֶׁיְּבַקֵּשׁ עָלָיו רַחֲמִים שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים"];
Therefore, Rashi comments on the verse from this Torah reading, that specifically “from here” – i.e., from Moshe’s conduct – “[we learn] that someone who is asked for forgiveness should not be cruel so as not to forgive.”
אוּן דֶערְפַאר זָאגְט רַשִׁ"י אַז דַוְקָא "מִכַּאן (לֶערְנְט מֶען אָפּ) לְמִי שֶׁמְּבַקְשִׁים מִמֶּנּוּ מְחִילָה שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל".
Nevertheless, this resolution is not acceptable, because – according to this explanation – the question becomes even stronger: Why do we not derive from Avraham’s praying for Avimelech that even when the one who caused the injury does not ask for forgiveness, the person who was harmed should not be cruel so as not to forgive him? Needless to say, this applies if the offender has asked for forgiveness.
מֶען קֶען אָבֶּער אַזוֹי נִיט פַארְעֶנְטְפֶערְן, ווָארוּם דֶעמָאלְט ווֶערְט אַדְּרַבָּא שְׁטַארְקֶער דִי תְּמִיָּה: פַארְווָאס לֶערְנְט מֶען נִיט אָפּ פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם", אַז אֲפִילוּ אָן בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה דַארְף מֶען נִיט זַיְין קֵיין אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל – (וּמִכָּל שֶׁכֵּן לְאַחַר בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה).
(Nor can it be said, in light of the above, that Avraham’s praying for Avimelech did not indicate that he forgave him. True, there are grounds to say that Avraham requested Divine mercy for Avimelech – just as he did for the inhabitants of Sodom – even though Avimelech did not ask for forgiveness, nor did Avraham forgive him. Indeed, the Tosefta can be explained in this manner.
[אוֹיךְ קֶען מֶען נִיט אַיְינְלֶערְנֶען לְפִי הַנַּ"ל, אַז פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם" אִיז בִּכְלַל נִיט מוּכָח אַז עֶר הָאט מוֹחֵל גֶעווֶען,
דְּיִתָּכֵן אַז עֶר הָאט גֶעבֶּעטְן רַחֲמִים – אָן דֶער בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה פוּן אֲבִימֶלֶךְ אוּן אָן דֶער מְחִילָה מִצִּדּוֹ, עַל דֶּרֶךְ תְּפִלָּתוֹ עַל סְדוֹם וכו' (אוּן אַזוֹי ווֶעט מֶען לֶערְנֶען אוֹיךְ דֶעם פִּירוּשׁ בְּתוֹסֶפְתָּא)
However, a comparison of the text of the narrative here and the narrative regarding Avraham and Avimelech does not support that hypothesis. Aside from the difficulty in saying29 that Avraham requested Divine mercy for Avimelech even though Avraham did not forgive him, there is a further problem in such an understanding. According to this logic, there is also no definitive way to derive that concept from our Torah reading because, in this narrative, the Torah uses the same wording, “Moshe prayed,” that it used regarding Avraham, “Avraham prayed.”
– ווָארוּם (נוֹסָף אוֹיף דֶעם דוֹחַק לְפָרֵשׁכ אַז עֶר הָאט מְבַקֵּשׁ רַחֲמִים גֶעווֶען אַף עַל פִּי אַז עֶר הָאט אִים נִיט מוֹחֵל גֶעווֶען, אִיז) אוֹיבּ אַזוֹי אִיז דָאךְ אוֹיךְ נִיטָא קֵיין הֶכְרַח אוֹיפְן לִימּוּד מִפַּרְשָׁתֵנוּ, וואוּ עֶס שְׁטֵייט פּוּנְקְט דֶער זֶעלְבֶּער לָשׁוֹן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל מֹשֶׁה" ווִי בַּא אַבְרָהָם ("וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם").
Therefore, we are forced to say that praying for someone is proof that the one who prayed forgave the person who aggrieved him.30 Accordingly, we can derive the above concept from Avraham’s praying for Avimelech, just as it can be derived from Moshe’s prayer. Thus, our original question – why does Rashi say that this concept is derived from Moshe’s prayer and not Avraham’s? – remains in force.)
וְעַל כָּרְחָךְ צָרִיךְ לוֹמַר אַז פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל" אִיז אַ הוֹכָחָה אַז סְ'אִיז דָא גֶעווֶען דֶער עִנְיַן הַמְּחִילָהכא – וּבְמֵילָא קֶען מֶען אָפְּלֶערְנֶען פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם" פּוּנְקְט ווִי פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל מֹשֶׁה", וְהַדְרָא קוּשְׁיָא לְדוּכְתָּא, כַּנַּ"ל].
Did Avimelech Have to Ask for Forgiveness?
On the surface, it could be said that, according to Rashi,31 it is impossible to derive this concept from Avraham’s praying for Avimelech, because in that instance it was not necessary for Avimelech to ask for forgiveness, and for that reason, Avraham did not grant forgiveness.
גלִכְאוֹרָה יֵשׁ לוֹמַר, אַז לוֹיט רַשִׁ"יכב קֶען מֶען נִיט אָפְּלֶערְנֶען פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם", ווַיְיל דָארְט הָאט זִיךְ נִיט גֶעפָאדֶערְט קֵיין בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה (מִצַּד אֲבִימֶלֶךְ) אוּן (בְּמֵילָא) נִיט קֵיין מְחִילָה מִצַּד אַבְרָהָם:
Avimelech claimed, “I did this with innocence of my heart,”32 and G‑d accepted this claim, telling him, “I also know that you acted with the innocence of your heart. [Therefore,] I also prevented you from sinning against Me. Accordingly, I did not allow you to touch her.”33 In other words, Avimelech did not intend to wrong Avraham. Therefore, it could be said that it was not relevant that he ask for forgiveness or that Avraham forgive him.
דִי טַעֲנָה פוּן אֲבִימֶלֶךְ אִיז דָאךְ גֶעווֶעןכג : "בְּתָם לְבָבִי . . עָשִׂיתִי זֹאת" אוּן דֶער אוֹיבֶּערְשְׁטֶער הָאט עֶס אָנְגֶענוּמֶען, "גַּם אָנֹכִי יָדַעְתִּי כִּי בְתָם לְבָבְךָ עָשִׂיתָ זֹּאת וָאֶחְשׂוֹךְ גַּם אָנֹכִי אוֹתְךָ מֵחֲטוֹא לִי עַל כֵּן לֹא נְתַתִּיךָ לִנְגּוֹעַ אֵלֶיהָ"כד, וְהַיְינוּ, אַז עֶר הָאט נִיט גֶעמֵיינְט טָאן אַן עַוְלָה צוּ אַבְרָהָם, אוּן דֶערְפַאר אִיז דָא נִיט שַׁיָּיךְ דִי זַאךְ פוּן בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה (וּמְחִילָה).
This is also implied by G‑d’s words to Avimelech, “Now return the man’s wife because he is a prophet and he will pray for you, and you will live.” All that was necessary for Avimelech to do was return Sarah. That would have been enough for Avraham to pray for him so that he live. As Rashi comments on the phrase, “Return the man’s wife” – “Do not think that perhaps [… he will not accept her,] or that he will hate you and not pray for you…, for he is a prophet and knows that you did not touch her. Therefore, he will pray for you.”
אוּן אַזוֹי אִיז מַשְׁמַע פוּן פָּסוּק בְּדִבְרֵי ה' אֶל אֲבִימֶלֶךְ "וְעַתָּה הָשֵׁב אֵשֶׁת הָאִישׁ כִּי נָבִיא הוּא וְיִתְפַּלֵּל בַּעַדְךָ וֶחְיֵה" – עֶר דַארְף בְּלוֹיז אוּמְקֶערְן שָׂרָה'ן (דָאס אַלֵיין ווֶעט שׁוֹין זַיְין גֶענוּג אַז) "וְיִתְפַּלֵּל בַּעַדְךָ וֶחְיֵה", אוּן ווִי רַשִׁ"י אִיז מְפָרֵשׁ "הָשֵׁב אֵשֶׁת הָאִישׁ – וְאַל תְּהֵא סָבוּר שֶׁמָּא כו' אוֹ יִשְׂנָאֲךָ וְלֹא יִתְפַּלֵּל עָלֶיךָ כו' כִּי נָבִיא הוּא וְיוֹדֵעַ שֶׁלֹּא נָגַעְתָּ בָּהּ לְפִיכָךְ וְיִתְפַּלֵּל בַּעַדְךָ".
Nevertheless, from the verse,34 “Avimelech took sheep, cattle, servants, and maidservants, and gave them to Abraham” – concerning which Rashi comments, “so that he would be appeased and would pray for him” – it is obvious that it was necessary for Avimelech to request forgiveness and that Avraham be appeased.35 This is also evident from the fact that we do not find that Avraham refused to accept the gift Avimelech offered.36
אָבֶּער פוּן פָּסוּקכה "וַיִּקַּח אֲבִימֶלֶךְ צֹאן וּבָקָר וַעֲבָדִים וּשְׁפָחוֹת וַיִּתֵּן לְאַבְרָהָם גו'", ווָאס דֶערוֹיף זָאגְט רַשִׁ"י "כְּדֵי שֶׁיִּתְפַּיֵּס וְיִתְפַּלֵּל עָלָיו", אִיז מוּבָן אַז דָא הָאט זִיךְ יָא גֶעפָאדֶערְט בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה מִצַּד אֲבִימֶלֶךְ אוּן אַ הִתְפַּיְּסוּת מִצַּד אַבְרָהָםכו, וְכִדְמוּכָח אוֹיךְ פוּן דֶעם ווָאס מְ'גֶעפִינְט נִיט אַז אַבְרָהָם הָאט זִיךְ אָפְּגֶעזָאגְט צוּ אָננֶעמֶען אֲבִימֶלֶךְ'ס מַתָּנָהכז.
Indeed, it is obvious why asking for forgiveness and offering appeasement was necessary. Since Avimelech committed a sin – seizing Avraham’s wife, a very severe sin – against Avraham, Avimelech’s intent was of little consequence. Hence, it was necessary for him to ask for forgiveness37 and to appease Avraham.38
אוּן סְ'אִיז מוּבָן בְּפַשְׁטוּת ווָאס מְ'דַארְף (בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה וּ)פִיּוּס: ווִיבַּאלְד אַז סוֹף־סוֹף הָאט דָאךְ אֲבִימֶלֶךְ חוֹטֵא גֶעווֶען (וּבְחֵטְא חָמוּר בְּיוֹתֵר) כְּלַפֵּי אַבְרָהָם (אוּן כַּוָּנַת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ עֶנְדֶערְט עֶס נִיט), וּבְמֵילָא פָאדֶערְט זִיךְ בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָהכז* מִצַּד אֲבִימֶלֶךְ אוּן הִתְפַּיְּסוּת מִצַּד אַבְרָהָםכח.
Thus, the original question remains: Why is the concept that a person should not be cruel and refrain from forgiving not derived from Avraham’s prayers for Avimelech?
– וְהַקּוּשְׁיָא בִּמְקוֹמָהּ עוֹמֶדֶת: פַארְווָאס זָאל מֶען נִיט אָפְּלֶערְנֶען פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם" – "מִכַּאן . . שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל"?
Three Types of Forgiveness
The above matters can be clarified by first focusing on the preciseness of Rashi’s wording, “From here, [we learn] that someone who is asked for forgiveness should not be cruel so as not to forgive.” Midrash Tanchuma39 uses the wording, “For a person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel (to those [who wronged him],)” and others state,40 “The one who grants forgiveness should not be cruel,” or the like. Similar wording is found in the Mishnah.41 Rashi, however, deviates from that wording. Instead of saying, “A person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel,” he says, “Someone who is asked for forgiveness… should not be cruel so as not to forgive.”42 It is possible to say that the unique dimension in Rashi’s wording is found not as much in the fundamental point – that the one who was wronged should grant forgiveness – but rather in the manner in which he should grant forgiveness.
דווֶעט מֶען דָאס פַארְשְׁטֵיין בְּהֶקְדֵּם הַדִּיּוּק אִין לְשׁוֹן רַשִׁ"י "שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל". אִין תַּנְחוּמָאכט אִיז דֶער לָשׁוֹן כַּנַּ"ל "שֶׁאֵין הַמּוֹחֵל נַעֲשֶׂה (לָהֶם) אַכְזָרִי", "שֶׁלֹּא יִהְיֶה הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי"ל וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָזֶה, אוּן עַל דֶּרֶךְ זֶה אִין מִשְׁנָהלא ; רַשִׁ"י אִיז אָבֶּער מְשַׁנֶּה אוּן זָאגְט (נִיט "שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי", נָאר) "שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל"לב.
וְיֵשׁ לוֹמַר, אַז דֶער חִידּוּשׁ בְּזֶה אִיז (נִיט אַזוֹי אִין דֶער עֶצֶם מְחִילָה, נָאר) אִין דֶעם אוֹפֶן הַמְּחִילָה.
To explain: There are several ways in which forgiveness can be granted. Among them:
a) The person who was wronged forgives the other person for wronging him so that that other person not be punished.
b) He forgives him not only to prevent him from being punished, but also because he does not harbor any ill feelings in his heart.
c) He forgives him whole-heartedly in a manner that shows he was appeased entirely; the person who is forgiven is “desirable and cherished by him as he was before he wronged [him].”43
דִי הַסְבָּרָה בְּזֶה: מְחִילָה קֶען זַיְין אוֹיף כַּמָּה אוֹפַנִּים, וּמֵהֶם: א) אֵיינֶער אִיז מוֹחֵל דֶעם צְווֵייטְן דֶעם חֵטְא ווָאס עֶר אִיז בַּאגַאנְגֶען קֶעגְן אִים בִּכְדֵי דֶער צְווֵייטֶער זָאל נִיט נֶעֱנָשׁ ווֶערְן; ב) עֶר אִיז אִים מוֹחֵל נִיט נָאר ווַיְיל עֶר ווִיל אִים פַארְהִיטְן פוּן אַן עוֹנֶשׁ, נָאר עֶר הָאט קֵיין טִינָא נִיט בְּלִבּוֹ; ג) סְ'אִיז אַ מְחִילָה בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם בְּאוֹפֶן אַז עֶר אִיז אִינְגַאנְצְן נִתְפַּיֵּס גֶעווָארְן – דֶער נִמְחָל אִיז "מְרֻצֶּה וְחָבִיב לְפָנָיו כְּקוֹדֶם הַחֵטְא"לג.
To use slightly different wording: In the first instance, the person who grants forgiveness pardons the wrong that the other person committed against him. In the second instance, he forgives the person who wronged him. In the third instance, he also uproots the wrong from its very roots; no trace of it remains at all.44
בְּסִגְנוֹן אַחֵר קְצַת: אִין דֶעם עֶרְשְׁטְן אוֹפֶן אִיז עֶר מוֹחֵל יֶענֶעמְס חֵטְא, ווָאס הָאט פּוֹגֵעַ גֶעווֶען דֶעם מוֹחֵל; אִין דֶעם צְווֵייטְן אוֹפֶן אִיז עֶר מוֹחֵל דֶעם מֶענְטשְׁן ווָאס הָאט זִיךְ פַארְזִינְדִיקְט; אִין דֶעם דְרִיטְן אוֹפֶן – אוֹיךְ עוֹקֵר הַחֵטְא מֵעִיקָרוֹ, סְ'בְּלַיְיבְּט נִיט קֵיין רוֹשֶׁם כְּלַללד.
The difference in actual practice between these three approaches is that when the wronged party is concerned only that the person who wronged him not be punished for his actions, then when granting him forgiveness, he seeks only to do what is necessary to prevent the other person from being punished for the specific wrong he committed.
In the second approach – and particularly in the third approach – when he grants forgiveness with a full heart, he is concerned with the welfare of the other person, and he invests himself in granting forgiveness with more intensity so that he can enable the other person to reach a totally desirable state, to the extent that the person who committed the wrong will be as he was before doing so.
אוּן דִי נַפְקָא־מִינָּה בְּפּוֹעֵל צְווִישְׁן זֵיי אִיז: בְּשַׁעַת עֶר אִיז אוֹיסְן בְּלוֹיז אַז יֶענֶער זָאל נִיט נֶעֳנָשׁ ווֶערְן צוּלִיבּ דֶעם בַּאגַאנְגֶענֶעם חֵטְא, אִיז עֶר בִּמְחִילָתוֹ זִיךְ מִשְׁתַּדֵּל נָאר אוֹיף ווִיפְל דָאס אִיז נוֹגֵעַ דֶעם עוֹנֶשׁ אוֹיף'ן צְווֵייטְן דוּרְךְ דֶעם חֵטְא פְּרָטִי; אָבֶּער בְּאוֹפֶן הַב' וּבִפְרַט ווֶען דִי מְחִילָה אִיז בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם אִיז אִים נוֹגֵעַ דִי טוֹבָה פוּן דֶעם צְווֵייטְן, אִיז דִי מְחִילָה בְּאוֹפֶן אַז עֶר לֵייגְט זִיךְ אִין דֶעם אַרַיְין בְּיֶתֶר שְׂאֵת, בִּיז צוּ פּוֹעֵל זַיְין אַז דֶער צְווֵייטֶער זָאל זַיְין (ווֶערְן) אִינְגַאנְצְן כִּדְבָעֵי. בִּיז אַזוֹי ווִי אֵיידֶער עֶר אִיז בַּאגַאנְגֶען דִי עַוְלָה (כְּלַפֵּי אִים), "כְּקוֹדֶם הַחֵטְא".
The Extent of Moshe’s Concern
This is the difference between the forgiveness granted by Avraham when praying for Avimelech and the forgiveness spoken about in this week’s Torah portion. With regard to Avraham, the verse states, “Avraham prayed to G‑d and G‑d healed Avimelech… and they were relieved.” Avraham’s prayer and request focused specifically on healing Avimelech – that G‑d remove the punishment that had been visited upon Avimelech and his household.
האוּן דָאס אִיז דֶער חִילּוּק צְווִישְׁן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם", דִי מְחִילָה פוּן אַבְרָהָם, אוּן דִי מְחִילָה שֶׁבְּפַרְשָׁתֵנוּ:
בַּא אַבְרָהָם שְׁטֵייט "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים וַיִּרְפָּא אֱלֹקִים אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ גו' וַיֵּלֵדוּ" – דִי תְּפִלָּה וּבַקָּשַׁת אַבְרָהָם אִיז גֶעווֶען בַּנּוֹגֵעַ רְפוּאָתוֹ שֶׁל אֲבִימֶלֶךְ כו', אַז עֶס זָאל אַרָאפְּגֶענוּמֶען ווֶערְן דֶער עוֹנֶשׁ ווָאס אִיז גֶעקוּמֶען אוֹיף אֲבִימֶלֶךְ וּבְנֵי בֵיתוֹ.
Our Torah reading, by contrast, does not only state that “Moshe prayed to G‑d,” as it states regarding Avraham’s prayer, rather it adds – and emphasizes – that “Moshe prayed on behalf of the people.”45 He was concerned about the situation of the people, not only to nullify the punishment of the snakes sent against them, but that their spiritual status be rectified.
בְּפַרְשָׁתֵנוּ שְׁטֵייט (נִיט נָאר סְתַּם "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל מֹשֶׁה אֶל ה'" (ווִי בַּיי תְּפִלַּת אַבְרָהָם: וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים), נָאר דֶער פָּסוּק אִיז מוֹסִיף וּמַדְגִּישׁ) "(וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל מֹשֶׁה) בְּעַד הָעָם"לה – אִים אִיז גֶעווֶען נוֹגֵעַ דֶער מַצָּב פוּן דֶעם עַם – עֶר אִיז גֶעווֶען אוֹיסְן נִיט בְּלוֹיז עֶס זָאל בָּטֵל ווֶערְן דֶער עוֹנֶשׁ (פוּן דִי נְחָשִׁים כו'), נָאר אַז עֶס זָאל נִתְתַּקֵּן ווֶערְן דֶער מַצָּב פוּן דֶעם עַם.
Therefore, the verse continues that G‑d answered Moshe’s prayer, telling him, “Make a serpent for yourself….” According to a straightforward understanding of Scripture, the word lecha, “for yourself,” implies “from your own resources,”46 as Rashi comments on the command,47 “Make for yourself two silver trumpets….” On the surface, since making the serpent was for the sake of saving the Jewish people who “spoke against G‑d and Moshe,” it would have been more appropriate to use communal funds for that purpose. However, by telling Moshe that he was to use his own resources for this purpose, G‑d was showing him that it had to be evident from his actions that the forgiveness granted them was personally relevant to him; he has to invest himself when acting on their behalf.
אוּן דֶערְפַאר אִיז דֶער פָּסוּק מַמְשִׁיךְ, אַז אוֹיף דֶעם אִיז גֶעקוּמֶען דֶער עֶנְטְפֶער פוּן דֶעם אוֹיבֶּערְשְׁטְן "עֲשֵׂה לְךָ שָׂרָף": "לְךָ" לוֹיט פְּשׁוּטוֹ שֶׁל מִקְרָא מֵיינְט "מִשֶּׁלְּךָ"לו (עַל דֶּרֶךְ ווִי רַשִׁ"ילז טַיְיטשְׁט בַּא "עֲשֵׂה לְךָ שְׁתֵּי חֲצוֹצְרוֹת כֶּסֶף") – וְלִכְאוֹרָה, ווִיבַּאלְד אַז דָאס אִיז נוֹגֵעַ צוּ אִידְן, ווָאס "דִּבְּרוּ בַּה' וּבְמֹשֶׁה", ווָאלְט דָאךְ מֶער מַתְאִים גֶעווֶען אַז דֶער שָׂרָף זָאל זַיְין דַוְקָא מִשֶּׁלָּהֶם, מִשֶּׁל צִיבּוּר,
נָאר דֶערְמִיט הָאט דֶער אוֹיבֶּערְשְׁטֶער אָנְגֶעווִיזְן מֹשֶׁה'ן אַז עֶר זָאל טָאן אִין אַן אוֹפֶן ("לְךָ – מִשֶּׁלְּךָ") אַז סְ'זָאל זַיְין נִיכָּר אַז סְ'אִיז אִים נוֹגֵעַ דִי זַאךְ,
ווָאס בַּאווַיְיזְט אַז עֶר אִיז אִין דֶעם מִצִּדָּם.
The above helps us to understand the purpose of making the copper serpent – not only to bring about the healing of the Jewish people, but also to arouse them to “look upward and subjugate their hearts to their Father in Heaven.”48 G‑d’s intent extended beyond His concern that they repent for their undesirable words and everything connected to them. He wanted them to “subjugate their hearts to… Heaven.”49 For that reason, G‑d commanded that the serpent be “place[d] on a pole” so that “if a serpent would bite a person, he would gaze [upwards] at the copper serpent and live,”50 as Rashi explains in his interpretation of the verses in this passage.51
ווָאס דָאס אִיז גֶעווֶען דִי מַטָּרָה פוּן עֲשִׂיַּת נְחַשׁ הַנְּחוֹשֶׁת, נִיט (נָאר) אוֹיף פּוֹעֵל'ן דִי רְפוּאָה פוּן אִידְן, נָאר אוֹיף מְעוֹרֵר זַיְין אִידְן אַז סְ'זָאל זַיְין "יִשְׂרָאֵל מִסְתַּכְּלִין כְּלַפֵּי מַעְלָה וּמְשַׁעְבְּדִין אֶת לִבָּם לַאֲבִיהֶם שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם"לח – זֵיי זָאלְן תְּשׁוּבָה טָאן נִיט נָאר בַּנּוֹגֵעַ הַדִּיבּוּר וְהַשַּׁיָּיךְ אֶל זֶה – נָארלט שִׁעְבּוּד הַלֵּב לַשָּׁמַיִם (ווָאס דֶערְפַאר אִיז גֶעווֶען דֶער צִוּוּילט* "וְשִׂים אוֹתוֹ עַל נֵס" אוּן "וְהָיָה אִם נָשַׁךְ הַנָּחָשׁ אֶת אִישׁ וְהִבִּיט אֶל נְחַשׁ הַנְּחֹשֶׁת וָחָי", ווִי רַשִׁ"י אִיז מְבַאֵר דִי פְּסוּקִים בְּהֶמְשֵׁךְ הַפַּרְשָׁהמ ).
This is the reason why the healing of the Jewish people did not come immediately after Moshe’s prayer – in contrast to G‑d’s healing of Avimelech which came directly after Avraham’s prayer. Instead, Moshe had to make a copper serpent and place it on a pole so that the people would gaze at it. That was necessary because G‑d’s – and Moshe’s – intent was not only that punishment of the Jews be averted, but that they be aroused to teshuvah,52 “to subjugate their hearts to their Father in Heaven,” and, in that way, bring about a complete metamorphosis of their characters.
אוּן דָאס אִיז דֶער טַעַם פַארְווָאס דִי רְפוּאָה אִיז נִיט גֶעקוּמֶען גְלַיְיךְ נָאךְ תְּפִלַּת מֹשֶׁה ווִי בַּא "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם אֶל הָאֱלֹקִים (אוּן גְלַיְיךְ) וַיִּרְפָּא אֱלֹקִים אֶת אֲבִימֶלֶךְ גו'" – נָאר דוּרְךְ "וַיַּעַשׂ מֹשֶׁה גו' וַיְשִׂימֵהוּ עַל הַנֵּס גו' וְהִבִּיט", ווָארוּם דִי כַּוָּנָה אִיז נִיט נָאר הֶעְדֵּר הָעוֹנֶשׁ, נָאר (אוֹיךְ) בְּרֵיינְגֶען דִי אִידְן צוּ תְּשׁוּבָהמא – "מְשַׁעְבְּדִין אֶת לִבָּם לַאֲבִיהֶם שֶׁבַּשָּׁמַיִם".
Can One Be Cruel in Forgiving?
This is also the implication of Rashi’s precise wording, “From here, [we learn] that someone who is asked for forgiveness should not be cruel so as not to forgive,” and not “the one who forgives should not be cruel.”
ואוּן דָאס אִיז דֶער דִיּוּק לְשׁוֹן רַשִׁ"י "מִכַּאן לְמִי שֶׁמְּבַקְשִׁים מִמֶּנּוּ מְחִילָה שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל", נִיט "שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי" (סְתַּם):
The wording, “The one who forgives should not be cruel,” places the emphasis on the person himself – in general, he should not be cruel. Were he not to forgive the person who wronged him and, therefore, that person would be punished, it would be an act of cruelty. This concept – that the person who forgives should not be cruel – is actually derived53 from Avraham’s prayer for Avimelech.54
דֶער לָשׁוֹן "שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי" רֶעדט ווֶעגְן דֶעם גַבְרָא עַצְמוֹ – אַז עֶר זָאל נִיט זַיְין קֵיין אַכְזָר (בִּכְלַל), דְּהַיְינוּ, בְּשַׁעַת מְ'אִיז נִיט מוֹחֵל דֶעם צְווֵייטְן אוּן צוּלִיבּ דֶעם בַּאקוּמְט עֶר אַן עוֹנֶשׁ אִיז דָאס אַן אַכְזָרִיּוּת, אוּן דָאס – אַז דֶער מוֹחֵל זָאל נִיט זַיְין קֵיין "אַכְזָרִי" – ווֵייס מֶען טַאקֶעמב פוּן "וַיִּתְפַּלֵּל אַבְרָהָם"מג ;
The new and unique concept derived from our Torah reading is that “from here”55 it can be learned that “someone who is asked for forgiveness should not be cruel so as not to forgive.” The wording Rashi uses, mei’limchol, “so as not to forgive,” does not speak about the person who caused the harm at all. The emphasis is not that the one who forgives should not be cruel and, therefore, he should grant forgiveness – for were he not to do so, the other person would be punished – but rather the emphasis is on the act of granting forgiveness. With regard to granting forgiveness, he should not be cruel, i.e., his manner of granting forgiveness should be free of cruelty.
אוּן דֶער חִידּוּשׁ אִין דֶעם עִנְיָן שֶׁבְּפַרְשָׁתֵנוּ אִיז, ווָאס "מִכַּאן"מד לֶערְנְט מֶען אָפּ "שֶׁלֹּא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי מִלִּמְחוֹל": דֶער לָשׁוֹן רֶעדט נִיט ווֶעגְן דֶעם גַבְרָא (בִּכְלַל) [אַז דֶער מוֹחֵל זָאל נִיט זַיְין קֵיין "אַכְזָרִי" וּבְמֵילָא אִיז עֶר עֶם מוֹחֵל, (ווַיְיל אוֹיבּ עֶר ווֶעט אִים נִיט מוֹחֵל זַיְין ווֶעט עֶר הָאבְּן אַן עוֹנֶשׁ)], נָאר בְּשַׁיְיכוּת צוּ פְּעוּלַּת הַמְּחִילָה, אַז אִין דֶעם עִנְיַן הַמְּחִילָה "לֹא יְהֵא אַכְזָרִי (מִלִּמְחוֹל)", אַז דִי מְחִילָה גוּפָא זָאל נִיט זַיְין בְּאוֹפֶן אַז עֶר אִיז "אַכְזָרִי":
When forgiveness is granted only to prevent punishment being visited upon the person who committed the wrong, it is not genuine forgiveness; it is a cruel type of forgiveness, because the person granting forgiveness still has negative feelings in his heart against the person whom he is forgiving. When, however, he forgives him with a full heart,56 his forgiveness is pure, without a trace of cruelty.57
ווֶען דִי מְחִילָה אִיז נָאר צוּלִיבּ אַרָאפְּנֶעמֶען דֶעם עוֹנֶשׁ אִיז דָאס נִיט קֵיין אֱמֶת'עֶ מְחִילָה, סְ'אִיז אַן אַכְזָרִיּוּת'דִיקֶע מְחִילָה, ווַיְיל דֶער מוֹחֵל הָאט אַ טִינָא בְּלֵב, קְפֵידָא וְכַיּוֹצֵא בְזֶה אוֹיף'ן נִמְחָל; בְּשַׁעַת אָבֶּער עֶר אִיז אִים מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵםמה, דֶעמָאלְט אִיז דָאס אַ מְחִילָה ווֶעלְכֶע אִיז רֵיין פוּן "אַכְזָרִיּוּת"מו.
This is even more clearly emphasized by the wording,58 “He should not be cruel in forgiving (limchol).” According to that version, it is understandable why the copyist of Rashi’s manuscript changed the wording to “so as not to forgive.” He did not understand how one could be cruel and simultaneously forgiving and, therefore, he added a mem, which changed the meaning to “so as not to forgive.” By contrast, were the opposite to be true – that Rashi wrote “so as not to forgive (mi’limchol)” – why would the copyist change the wording and, by mistake, write “in forgiving”?
נָאכְמֶער אִיז דָאס גְלַאטִיק לוֹיט דֶער גִירְסָאמז "אַכְזָרִי לִמְחוֹל" – אַכְזָרִי אִין דֶער מְחִילָה.
לוֹיט דֶער גִירְסָא אִיז אוֹיךְ מוּבָן – ווִי אַזוֹי קוּמְט דֶער מַעְתִּיק פִּירוּשׁ רַשִׁ"י עֶנְדֶערְן צוּ "מִלִּמְחוֹל" – ווַיְיל עֶר הָאט נִיט פַארְשְׁטַאנֶען ווִי קֶען זַיְין צוּזַאמֶען "אַכְזָרִי" אוּן "לִמְחוֹל" – הָאט עֶר צוּגֶעשְׁרִיבְּן אַ מֵ"ם – "מִלִּמְחוֹל".
מַה שֶּׁאֵין כֵּן אִם תִּמְצֵי לוֹמַר לְהֵיפֶּךְ, אוֹיבּ רַשִׁ"י הָאט גֶעשְׁרִיבְּן "מִלִּמְחוֹל" – ווִי קוּמְט דֶער שִׁינּוּי (– טָעוּת) "לִמְחוֹל"?!
To give an example and a parallel to “being cruel in forgiving” – “One who gives a poor person charity with a sour countenance … forfeits his merit even if he gives him 1000 gold pieces.”59
וְדוּגְמָא וּמֵעֵין אַכְזָרִי בִּמְחִילָה – הַנּוֹתֵן צְדָקָה לֶעָנִי בְּסֵבֶר פָּנִים רָעוֹת – שֶׁאִיבֵּד זְכוּתוֹ אֲפִילוּ נָתַן לוֹ אֶלֶף זְהוּבִיםמח.
Comparing the Wording Rambam Uses in These Sources
Based on the above, it is also possible to explain several differences in the wording used by Rambam regarding the concept that a person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel and should grant forgiveness. Rambam quotes this concept at least three times:60
זעַל פִּי כָּל הַנַּ"ל קֶען מֶען אוֹיךְ מְבַאֵר זַיְין כַּמָּה שִׁינּוּיִים בִּלְשׁוֹן הָרַמְבַּ"ם – בַּנּוֹגֵעַ צוּם עִנְיָן הַנַּ"ל, אַז דֶער מוֹחֵל זָאל נִיט זַיְין קֵיין אַכְזָרִי אוּן מוֹחֵל זַיְין – ווֶעלְכְן עֶר בְּרֶענְגְט (לְכָל הַפָּחוֹת) דְרַיי מָאלמט :
In Hilchos Deos,61 Rambam writes, “When one person wrongs another, [the latter] should not remain silent and despise him. Instead, it is a mitzvah for him to tell [the other….]” He concludes, “If [the person who committed the wrong] shows regret and asks [his fellowman] to forgive him, he must do so. The person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel….”62
אִין הִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹתנ : "כְּשֶׁיֶּחְטָא אִישׁ לְאִישׁ לֹא יִשְׂטְמֶנּוּ וְיִשְׁתּוֹק כו' אֶלָּא מִצְוָה עָלָיו לְהוֹדִיעַ כו'", אוּן פִירְט אוֹיס "וְאִם חָזַר וּבִקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לִמְחוֹל לוֹ צָרִיךְ לִמְחוֹל וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי שֶׁנֶּאֱמַרנא כו'".
In Hilchos Teshuvah,63 Rambam writes, “It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to be appeased. Rather, he should be easily pacified and hard to anger. When the person who wronged him asks for forgiveness, he should forgive [him] with a full heart and a willing spirit.”
אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָהנב : אָסוּר לְאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס אֶלָּא יְהֵא נוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת וְקָשֶׁה לִכְעוֹס וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֵא לִמְחוֹל מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה.
And in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik,64 Rambam writes:
It is forbidden for the person who suffered the injury to be cruel and not to forgive (the one [who caused the injury]).65 This is not the path of a descendant of Israel. Instead, since the person who caused the injury asks and pleads of [the injured person] for forgiveness once or twice, and [that person] knows that [the offender] has repented from his sin and regrets his evil deeds, he should forgive him. Whoever hastens to grant forgiveness is praiseworthy and is regarded favorably by the Sages.
אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיקנג : וְאָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִמְחוֹל (לוֹנד ) אֵין זוֹ דֶּרֶךְ זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל אֶלָּא כֵּיוָן שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹבֵל וְנִתְחַנֵּן לוֹ פַּעַם רִאשׁוֹנָה וּשְׁנִיָּה וְיָדַע שֶׁהוּא שָׁב מֵחֶטְאוֹ וְנִחָם עַל רָעָתוֹ יִמְחוֹל לוֹ וְכָל הַמְמַהֵר לִמְחוֹל הֲרֵי הוּא מְשֻׁבָּח וְרוּחַ חֲכָמִים נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ.
It is necessary to understand the differences between the wording used and the details mentioned in these three sources:
דַארְף מֶען פַארְשְׁטֵיין דֶעם טַעַם פוּן דִי שִׁינּוּיֵי הַלְּשׁוֹנוֹת וְהַפְּרָטִים אִין דִי דְרַיי עֶרְטֶער:
a) In Hilchos Deos, Rambam writes, “If [the person who committed the wrong] shows regret and asks [his fellowman] to forgive him, he must do so. The person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel….” By contrast, in Hilchos Teshuvah and in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, Rambam states this as a prohibition, writing, “It is forbidden66 for a person to be cruel,” and “It is forbidden for the person who suffered the injury to be cruel.”
א) אִין הִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹת שְׁטֵייט "וְאִם חָזַר וּבִקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לִמְחוֹל לוֹ צָרִיךְ לִמְחוֹל וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי כו'", מַה שֶּׁאֵין כֵּן אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה אוּן אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק ווֶערְט עֶס גֶעזָאגְט בִּלְשׁוֹן אָסוּר – "אָסוּרנה לְאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי", "אָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי"?
b) In Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, Rambam mentions details when and how one should grant forgiveness, “Since the person who caused the injury asks and pleads of [the injured person] for forgiveness once or twice, and [that person] knows that [the offender] has repented from his sin and regrets his evil deeds, he should forgive him.” However, in Hilchos Teshuvah and, similarly, in Hilchos Deos, Rambam does not state these conditions and particulars regarding the one who grants forgiveness – that he should grant forgiveness after being asked twice…. (However, he does make a similar statement in the preceding halachah in Hilchos Teshuvah regarding the person who asks for forgiveness,67 “If the person [who was the wronged party] does not desire to forgive him, [the offender] should bring a group of three…. If [the wronged party] is not appeased by them, he should [repeat the process] a second and third time.”68 )
Furthermore, in Hilchos Teshuvah, Rambam adds other details:
He should be easily pacified and hard to anger. When the person who wronged him asks for forgiveness, he should forgive [him] with a complete heart and a willing spirit. Even if he aggravated and wronged him severely, he should not seek revenge or bear a grudge. This is the path of the seed of Israel and their upright spirit.
ב) אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם אַרוּם דִי פְּרָטִים ווֶען אוּן ווִי אַזוֹי עֶר זָאל מוֹחֵל זַיְין: "כֵּיוָן שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹבֵל וְנִתְחַנֵּן לוֹ פַּעַם רִאשׁוֹנָה וּשְׁנִיָּה וְיָדַע שֶׁהוּא שָׁב מֵחֶטְאוֹ וְנִחָם עַל רָעָתוֹ יִמְחוֹל לוֹ", אָבֶּער אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה (וְעַל דֶּרֶךְ זֶה בְּהִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹת) בְּרֶענְגְט עֶר נִיט דִי תְּנָאִים וּפְרָטִים לְגַבֵּי דֶעם מוֹחֵל, אַז עֶר זָאל מוֹחֵל זַיְין נָאךְ בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה ב' פְּעָמִים כו' (מֵעֵין זֶה זָאגְט עֶר אִין דֶער פְרִיעֶרְדִיקֶער הֲלָכָהנו לְגַבֵּי דֶעם מְבַקֵּשׁ מְחִילָה, "לֹא רָצָה חֲבֵרוֹ לִמְחוֹל לוֹ מֵבִיא לוֹ שׁוּרָה שֶׁל שְׁלֹשָׁה בְּנֵי אָדָם כו' לֹא נִתְרַצָּה לָהֶן מֵבִיא לוֹ שְׁנִיָּה וּשְׁלִישִׁית כו'")נז – אוּן עֶר זָאגְט דָא אַנְדֶערֶע פְּרָטִים: "אֶלָּא יְהֵא נוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת וְקָשֶׁה לִכְעוֹס וּבְשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֵא לִמְחוֹל מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה וַאֲפִילוּ הֵצֵר לוֹ וְחָטָא לוֹ הַרְבֵּה לֹא יִקּוֹם וְלֹא יִטּוֹר וְזֶהוּ דַּרְכָּם שֶׁל זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל וְלִבָּם הַנָּכוֹן כו'".
c) The precise wording Rambam uses in the three sources differs: In Hilchos Deos, he writes, “The person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel.” In Hilchos Teshuvah, he uses different wording, “It is forbidden for a person to be cruel,” and in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, he states, “It is forbidden for the person who suffered the injury to be cruel.”
ג) דִי דִיּוּקֵי הַלְּשׁוֹנוֹת: אִין הִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹת זָאגְט עֶר "וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי", אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה "אָסוּר לְאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי", אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק "וְאָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי".
d) The continuation of the wording Rambam uses in the sources also differs: In Hilchos Teshuvah, he states, “It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and not be appeased,” while in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, he states, “It is forbidden for the person who suffered the injury to be cruel and not to forgive (the one [who caused the injury]).” And in Hilchos Deos, he does not make any additions reflecting this point.
ד) וְעַל דֶּרֶךְ זֶה אִין הֶמְשֵׁךְ הַלָּשׁוֹן: אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה "אָסוּר לְאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס", אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק "אָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִמְחוֹל (לוֹ)", אוּן אִין הִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹת קוּמְט בִּכְלַל נִיט קֵיין הוֹסָפָה.
Seeing the Context Where Forgiveness is Granted
Based on the concepts mentioned previously, it is possible to explain the above. With regard to the need for forgiveness, there are three general approaches:
חוְיֵשׁ לוֹמַר הַבִּיאוּר בְּזֶה עַל פִּי הַנַּ"ל:
אִין צוֹרֶךְ הַמְּחִילָה זַיְינֶען פַארַאן דְרַיי אוֹפַנִּים וַחֲלוּקּוֹת:
a) In Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, Rambam speaks about the need for forgiveness from the standpoint of damages, i.e., since there were injuries and damages, there is a need for atonement for the sin committed by the person who caused the damages, so that he will be freed from the onus of punishment.
א) אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם דֶעם גֶדֶר אִין מְחִילָה ווִי סְ'אִיז אַ דִין אִין "חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק", פַארְבּוּנְדְן מִיט דֶער חַבָּלָה וְהֶיזֵּק – כְּדֵי עֶס זָאל נִתְכַּפֵּר ווֶערְן דִי עֲבֵירָה פוּנֶעם צְווֵייטְן אִידְן אוּן עֶר ווֶעט דוּרְכְדֶעם בַּאפְרַיְיט ווֶערְן פוּן דֶעם עוֹנֶשׁ.
b) In Hilchos Teshuvah, Rambam underscores the definition of forgiveness as it relates to the repentance of the person who wronged his fellow, without placing such an emphasis on the particular sin and the punishment for which he is liable. Instead, the focus is that the teshuvah of the person who is being granted forgiveness be accomplished in the desired manner. As a result of the complete and total forgiveness that the wronged party grants the one who harmed him,69 the offender will be able – through his teshuvah – to become “beloved and cherished… as he was before the sin,”36 i.e., he will again be entirely pure and desirable.70
ב) אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם דֶעם גֶדֶר אִין מְחִילָה ווִי סְ'אִיז נוֹגֵעַ (נִיט אַזוֹי צוּ דֶעם חֵטְא וְעוֹנֶשׁ פְּרָטִי, נָאר) צוּ דֶער תְּשׁוּבָה פוּן דֶעם אָדָם הַחוֹטֵא, כְּדֵי דִי תְּשׁוּבָה פוּנֶעם נִמְחָל זָאל זַיְין כִּדְבָעֵי: דוּרְכְדֶעםנח ווָאס דֶער מוֹחֵל אִיז דֶעם צְווֵייטְן מוֹחֵל (בִּמְחִילָה גְמוּרָה), ווֶעט דֶער צְווֵייטֶער – עַל יְדֵי הַתְּשׁוּבָה שֶׁלּוֹ – זַיְין "מְרֻצֶּהלג וְחָבִיב . . כְּקוֹדֶם הַחֵטְא", נָקִי וְרָצוּי לְגַמְרֵינט.
c) In Hilchos Deos, Rambam’s focus is on a person’s character71 development, how granting forgiveness affects the character of the person who forgives. This is reflected in the manner in which Rambam begins the halachah in Hilchos Deos, “When one person wrongs another, [the latter] should not remain silent and despise him…. Instead, it is a mitzvah for him to make [his grievance] known to him.” The obligations not to despise the person who committed the wrong and to make his grievance known to him are not so much for the sake of the person who committed the wrong, but rather for the sake of the person who was wronged – that he not harbor hatred against the other in his heart. On the contrary, it is a mitzvah for him to make his grievance “known to him and tell him…,” so that the matter can be resolved.
ג) אִין הִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹת רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם ווִי סְ'אִיז אַ פְּרַט אִין דֵּעוֹת – מִדּוֹת שֶׁל הָאָדָםס, דִי מְחִילָה ווִי סְ'אִיז נוֹגֵעַ צוּ דִי מִדּוֹת פוּן דֶעם אָדָם הַמּוֹחֵל עַצְמוֹ.
ווָאס דָאס אִיז ווָאס דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם פַאנְגְט אָן דִי הֲלָכָה אִין הִלְכוֹת דֵּעוֹת "כְּשֶׁיֶּחְטָא אִישׁ לְאִישׁ לֹא יִשְׂטְמֶנּוּ וְיִשְׁתּוֹק כו' אֶלָּא מִצְוָה עָלָיו לְהוֹדִיעוֹ כו'": דֶער "לֹא יִשְׂטְמֶנּוּ" אוּן דִי מִצְוָה "לְהוֹדִיעוֹ" אִיז נִיט (אַזוֹי) מִצַּד דֶעם חוֹטֵא נָאר מִצַּד דֶעם אִישׁ הַנִּפְגָּע גּוּפָא, אַז עֶר זָאל אוֹיף דֶעם צְווֵייטְן נִיט הַאלְטְן קֵיין שִׂנְאָה בְּלִבּוֹ, נָאר (אַדְּרַבָּה) "מִצְוָה לְהוֹדִיעוֹ וְלוֹמַר לוֹ כו'".
Developing this theme – i.e., what the wronged party should do so as a reflection of his own character development – Rambam proceeds to state, “If, afterwards, [the person who committed the wrong] asks [his fellowman] to forgive him, he must do so. The person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel.” He does not mention the prohibition involved or that he must grant forgiveness after being asked two or three times. The reason is that, here, Rambam is focusing primarily on the benefit and advantage to the one who grants forgiveness and to the virtues of his character. From the standpoint of the character and emotional development of the one granting forgiveness, “If, afterwards, [the person who committed the wrong] asks [his fellowman] to forgive him, he must do so. The person who grants forgiveness should not be cruel.” Immediately, when the person who wronged him asks for forgiveness, he should not harbor any cruelty in his heart and he should forgive him.72
וּבְהֶמְשֵׁךְ לְזֶה זָאגְט עֶר "וְאִם חָזַר וּבִקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לִמְחוֹל לוֹ צָרִיךְ לִמְחוֹל וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי", נִיט דֶערְמָאנֶענְדִיק דֶערְבַּיי דֶעם אִיסּוּר בְּדָבָר אָדֶער אַז עֶר זָאל אִים מוֹחֵל זַיְין נָאךְ בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה ב' אוֹ ג' פְּעָמִים, ווַיְיל דָא רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם (בְּעִיקָר) ווֶעגְן דֶער טוֹבָה וְתוֹעֶלֶת פַאר דֶעם מוֹחֵל וְ"דֵעוֹת" שֶׁלּוֹ; מִצַּד דֵּעוֹת וּמִדּוֹת הַמּוֹחֵל אִיז "אִם חָזַר וּבִקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ לִמְחוֹל לוֹ צָרִיךְ לִמְחוֹל וְלֹא יְהֵא הַמּוֹחֵל אַכְזָרִי", אַז גְלַיְיךְ ווֶען עֶר בֶּעט אִים דֶעם עֶרְשְׁטְן מָאל זָאל עֶר נִיט הָאבְּן קֵיין אַכְזָרִיּוּת בְּלִבּוֹ אוּן מוֹחֵל זַיְיןסא.
By contrast, in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, Rambam is speaking about the manner in which forgiveness is granted and about its definition as it applies to the atonement for the sin that the person who caused the injury committed. As Rambam states in the preceding halachah,73 “He cannot generate atonement, nor is his sin forgiven until he asks the person who was injured [for forgiveness] and he forgives him.”
מַה שֶּׁאֵין כֵּן אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק – דָארְט רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם ווֶעגְן דֶעם (אוֹפֶן וְ)גֶדֶר אִין מְחִילָה ווָאס אִיז נוֹגֵעַ צוּ דֶער כַּפָּרַת הַחוֹבֵל אוֹיף דֶעם חֵטְא, אוּן ווִי עֶר זָאגְט דָארְט אִין דֶער פְרִיעֶרְדִיקֶער הֲלָכָהסב "אֵין מִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ וְלֹא נִמְחָל עֲוֹנוֹ עַד שֶׁיְּבַקֵּשׁ מִן הַנֶּחְבָּל וְיִמְחוֹל לוֹ".
Therefore, here, it is important to state, “Since the person who caused the injury asks and pleads of [the injured person] for forgiveness once or twice, and [that person] knows that [the offender] has repented from his sin and regrets his evil deeds, he should forgive him.” It is specifically when one sees from the effort that the other person invests and the manner in which he humbles himself that he “has repented from his sin and regrets his evil deeds,” that it is appropriate for forgiveness to be granted, so that the offender receives atonement for his sin and will not be punished for it.
אוּן דֶערְפַאר אִיז דָא נוֹגֵעַ "כֵּיוָן שֶׁבִּקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹבֵל וְנִתְחַנֵּן לוֹ פַּעַם רִאשׁוֹנָה וּשְׁנִיָּה וְיָדַע שֶׁהוּא שָׁב מֵחֶטְאוֹ וְנִחָם עַל רָעָתוֹ יִמְחוֹל לוֹ", אַז דַוְקָא ווֶען עֶר זֶעט דוּרְךְ יֶענֶעמְס הִשְׁתַּדְּלוּת וְהַכְנָעָה אַז "שָׁב מֵחֶטְאוֹ וְנִחָם עַל רָעָתוֹ" – דֶעמָאלְט אִיז מַתְאִים עֶר זָאל אִים מוֹחֵל זַיְין בִּכְדֵי סְ'זָאל יֶענֶעם נִתְכַּפֵּר ווֶערְן דֶער חֵטְא אוּן עֶר זָאל נִיט נֶעֱנָשׁ ווֶערְן פַאר דֶעם.
In Hilchos Teshuvah, Rambam speaks about forgiveness as it relates to the entire process of repentance that a person who wrongs his fellowman must undergo, as he states in the preceding halachah:74
Teshuvah and Yom Kippur only atone for sins between man and G‑d.… However, sins between man and man [also require the wronged party] to be appeased; for example, someone who injures another person… or steals from him, or the like will never be forgiven until he gives [the person he wronged] what he owes him and appeases him.
אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה אָבֶּער רֶעדט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם ווֶעגְן מְחִילָה ווָאס אִיז נוֹגֵעַ צוּ כְּלָלוּת וּשְׁלֵימוּת הַתְּשׁוּבָה פוּן דֶעם חוֹבֵל וכו' – ווָאס ווֶעגְן דֶעם זָאגְט עֶר אִין דֶער פְרִיעֶרְדִיקֶער הֲלָכָהסג "אֵין הַתְּשׁוּבָה וְלֹא יוֹם הַכִּפּוּרִים מְכַפְּרִין אֶלָּא כו' אֲבָל עֲבֵרוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵרוֹ כְּגוֹן הַחוֹבֵל אֶת חֲבֵרוֹ . . אוֹ גוֹזְלוֹ וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָזֶה אֵינוֹ נִמְחָל לוֹ לְעוֹלָם עַד שֶׁיִּתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ וִירַצֵּהוּ אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהֶחֱזִיר לוֹ מָמוֹן שֶׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ צָרִיךְ לְרַצּוֹתוֹ וְלִשְׁאוֹל מִמֶּנּוּ שֶׁיִּמְחוֹל לוֹ כו'"
Even if a person restores the money that he owes [the person he wronged], he must appease him and ask him to forgive him.
For this reason, Rambam proceeds to state, “It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and refuse to be appeased. Rather, he should be easily pacified....” True, seemingly, this instruction is more relevant to the laws regarding character development. However, it is included here because the manner in which the person grants forgiveness – with “a full heart and a willing spirit” – are also relevant to the complete repentance of the person who caused the injury. The forgiveness must be granted not only to remove the punishment for the specific wrong, but must be complete to the extent that the person who caused the injury is “beloved and cherished by” the one who was wronged.
– דֶערְפַאר אִיז עֶר מַמְשִׁיךְ אַז "אָסוּר לְאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס אֶלָּא יְהֵא נוֹחַ לִרְצוֹת כו'" (הֲגַם אַז לִכְאוֹרָה אִיז דָאס גָאר שַׁיָּיךְ צוּ דִי הֲלָכוֹת פוּן מִדּוֹת וְדֵעוֹת), ווַיְיל דִי דַרְכֵי וְאוֹפַנֵּי הַמְּחִילָה, אִין אַן אוֹפֶן פוּן "מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה כו'" זַיְינֶען נוֹגֵעַ (אוֹיךְ) צוּ שְׁלֵימוּת הַתְּשׁוּבָה פוּן חוֹבֵל; דָאס הֵייסְט אַז דִי מְחִילָה דַארְף זַיְין נִיט בְּלוֹיז צוּלִיבּ הֲסָרַת הָעוֹנֶשׁ פַארְן חֵטְא פְּרָטִי, נָאר אַ מְחִילָה שְׁלֵימָה בִּיז אַז עֶר ווֶערְט מְרֻצֶּה וְחָבִיב לְפָנָיו.
Therefore, here, there is no emphasis on the request for forgiveness being made three times – instead, “When the person who wronged him asks for forgiveness, he should forgive him with a full heart and a willing spirit.” This indicates that not only did the person wronged forgive the misdeed, but that the person who committed that misdeed is entirely desirable in his eyes.
אוּן דֶערִיבֶּער אִיז דָא נִיטָא דִי הַדְגָּשָׁה אוֹיף בַּקָּשַׁת הַמְּחִילָה ג' פְּעָמִים, נָאר "בְּשָׁעָה שֶׁמְּבַקֵּשׁ מִמֶּנּוּ הַחוֹטֵא לִמְחוֹל מוֹחֵל בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה" ווָאס דָאס ווַיְיזְט אַז נִיט נָאר הָאט עֶר אִים מוֹחֵל גֶעווֶען זַיְין חֵטְא, נָאר עֶר אִיז אִינְגַאנְצְן מְרֻצֶּה לְפָנָיו.
When Money Is Not All That Is Important
The above explanations also clarify the reasons for the other differences in the wording found in the various sources: In Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, Rambam states, “It is forbidden for the person who suffered the injury to be cruel and not to forgive (the one [who caused the injury]),” while in Hilchos Teshuvah, he states, “It is forbidden for a person to be cruel and not be appeased.”
טאוּן דָאס אִיז אוֹיךְ דֶער טַעַם פוּן דִי אַנְדֶערֶע שִׁינּוּיֵי הַלְּשׁוֹנוֹת: אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק זָאגְט עֶר "אָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִמְחוֹל לוֹ" אוּן אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה – "אָסוּר לְאָדָם לִהְיוֹת אַכְזָרִי וְלֹא יִתְפַּיֵּס":
The reason for the above difference is that in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, the dimension of forgiveness that is necessary is primarily that which is connected with the act of the injury so as to remove the punishment. Therefore, Rambam states, “It is forbidden for the person who suffered the injury… not to forgive the one [who caused the injury]. Instead, since... he knows that [the offender] has repented from his sin and regrets his evil deeds, he should forgive him.”
אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק פָאדֶערְט זִיךְ בְּעִיקָר דֶער עִנְיַן הַמְּחִילָה ווָאס אִיז פַארְבּוּנְדְן מִיט דֶער פְּעוּלַּת הַחַבָּלָה בִּכְדֵי לְסַלֵּק הָעוֹנֶשׁ, דֶערְפַאר אִיז דֶער לָשׁוֹן "אָסוּר לַנֶּחְבָּל . . יִמְחוֹל לוֹ"סד ;
In Hilchos Teshuvah, however, the granting of forgiveness is not limited to removing punishment for the harm caused by an injury, a curse, a theft, or taunt, as Rambam mentioned beforehand. Instead, a person – how much more so, a Jew – who is concerned with the welfare of his fellowman should be appeased; not merely should he forgive the offender so that he will not be punished, but also to enable him to reach a complete state of teshuvah.
אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה אָבֶּער אִיז זַיְין מוֹחֵל זַיְין, כַּנַּ"ל, נִיט מוּגְבָּל צוּ מְסַלֵּק זַיְין בְּלוֹיז דֶעם עוֹנֶשׁ פַאר דֶער פְּגִיעָה (צִי דוּרְךְ חַבָּלָה, מְקַלֵּל אוּן גּוֹזֵל אָדֶער הִקְנִיט, ווִי דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם רֶעכְנְט דָארְט פְרִיעֶר), נָאר עֶר אַלְס אָדָם – אַלְס אִיד ווָאס אִיז אוֹיסְן טוֹבָתוֹ שֶׁל חֲבֵרוֹ, דַארְף "נִתְפַּיֵּס" ווֶערְן (נִיט בְּלוֹיז לִמְחוֹל לוֹ עַד כְּדֵי סִילּוּק הָעוֹנֶשׁ, נָאר) כְּדֵי (אוֹיךְ) דֶער צְווֵייטֶער זָאל צוּקוּמֶען צוּ שְׁלֵימוּת הַתְּשׁוּבָה.
On this basis, it is possible to resolve an apparent contradiction in Rambam’s words raised by Lechem Mishneh:75
In Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik, Rambam states, “When a person who damages another person’s property pays him what he is obligated to pay him, he receives atonement” – the implication is that he need not ask the person whose property was damaged for forgiveness. However, in Hilchos Teshuvah, Rambam includes one who steals from his fellowman or the like among those who “will never be forgiven until he gives his colleague what he owes him and appeases him.”
[וְעַל פִּי זֶה יֵשׁ לְתָרֵץ דִי סְתִּירָה וְקוּשְׁיָא אִין דִבְרֵי הָרַמְבַּ"ם (ווִי דֶער לֶחֶם מִשְׁנֶה פְרֶעגְטסה ): אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק זָאגְט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם "שֶׁהַמַּזִּיק מָמוֹן חֲבֵרוֹ כֵּיוָן שֶׁשִּׁלֵּם מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לְשַׁלֵּם נִתְכַּפֵּר לוֹ" – אוּן עֶר דַארְף בַּיי יֶענֶעם נִיט בֶּעטְן קֵיין מְחִילָה; אוּן אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה רֶעכְנְט דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם צְווִישְׁן דִי עֲבֵירוֹת שֶׁבֵּין אָדָם לַחֲבֵירוֹ ווָאס "אֵינוֹ נִמְחָל לוֹ לְעוֹלָם עַד שֶׁיִּתֵּן לַחֲבֵרוֹ מַה שֶּׁהוּא חַיָּב לוֹ וִירַצֵּהוּ", "אוֹ גוֹזְלוֹ וְכַיּוֹצֵא בָהֶן"?
There is no contradiction Rambam’s two statements because they focus on different dimensions of atonement.76 With regard to the dimension of atonement for the sin of merely damaging another person’s property – the subject matter in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik – requesting forgiveness is not necessary. However, for the person who harmed his fellowman to wipe away his inner blemish entirely and become “desirable” – the subject of Hilchos Teshuvah – it can be said that it is necessary to “appease [the injured party] and ask him for forgiveness” whenever one damages another person’s possessions regardless of the nature of those damages.77
ווָארוּםסו בַּיי דֶעם סוּג כַּפָּרַת הַחֵטְא פַאר מַזִּיק זַיְין (בְּלוֹיז) מָמוֹן חֲבֵירוֹ, ווֶעגְן ווֶעלְכְן סְ'רֶעדט זִיךְ אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק, אִיז נִיט נוֹיטִיק קֵיין בַּקָּשַׁת מְחִילָה;
אָבֶּער לְגַבֵּי שְׁלֵימוּת רִיצּוּי הָאָדָם, ווִי דָאס רֶעדט זִיךְ אִין הִלְכוֹת תְּשׁוּבָה, אִיז יֵשׁ לוֹמַר אַז אוֹיף דֶעם פָאדֶערְט זִיךְ "לְרַצּוֹתוֹ וְלִשְׁאוֹל מִמֶּנּוּ שֶׁיִּמְחוֹל לוֹ" אוֹיךְ בַּנּוֹגֵעַ הֶיזֵּק מָמוֹן חֲבֵירוֹ בְּאֵיזֶה אוֹפֶן שֶׁהוּאסז ].
For G‑d to Forgive
On the verse,78 “He tells His words to Yaakov, His statutes and His ordinances to Yisrael,” the Midrash comments,79 “What G‑d fulfills Himself, He commands to others.” Just as regarding the Jews, it is “the path of the seed of Israel and their upright spirit” to forgive “with a full heart and a willing spirit,”80 and to do so immediately, to the extent that even regarding granting forgiveness for a particular wrong, Rambam writes in Hilchos Choveil U’Mazik,57 “Whoever hastens to grant forgiveness is praiseworthy and is regarded favorably by the Sages.” It is self-understood that how much more so does the above apply regarding the attributes of G‑d. “Forgiveness is [an expression of] the attribute of mercy and His holy attributes have no limit or end.”81 Certainly, He will hurry to grant Jews forgiveness for all their undesirable actions in a manner characterized by grace, kindness, and mercy expressed in overt and apparent good. This itself will arouse and help the Jews to do teshuvah immediately. And when the Jews do teshuvah, they will immediately be redeemed,82 in the true and Ultimate Redemption.
יסְ'אִיז דָאךְ מַגִּיד דְּבָרָיו לְיַעֲקֹב חֻקָּיו וּמִשְׁפָּטָיו לְיִשְׂרָאֵלסח. כְּשֵׁם ווִי דָאס אִיז בַּנּוֹגֵעַ צוּ אִידְן אַז "דַּרְכָּם שֶׁל זֶרַע יִשְׂרָאֵל וְלִבָּם הַנָּכוֹן" אִיז צוּ מוֹחֵל זַיְין "בְּלֵב שָׁלֵם וּבְנֶפֶשׁ חֲפֵצָה"סט אוּן מוֹחֵל זַיְין מִיַּד, בִּיז אַז אוֹיךְ לְגַבֵּי דֶער מְחִילָה אוֹיפְן חֵטְא פְּרָטִי פִירְט אוֹיס דֶער רַמְבַּ"ם אִין הִלְכוֹת חוֹבֵל וּמַזִּיק "וְכָל הַמְמַהֵר לִמְחוֹל הֲרֵי הוּא מְשֻׁבָּח וְרוּחַ חֲכָמִים נוֹחָה הֵימֶנּוּ",
אִיז דָאךְ דֶערְפוּן פַארְשְׁטַאנְדִיק "עַל אַחַת כַּמָּה וְכַמָּה" בְּמִדָּתוֹ שֶׁל הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא ווָאס דִי "מְחִילָה הִיא מִמִּדַּת הָרַחֲמִים וּמִדּוֹתָיו הַקְּדוֹשׁוֹת אֵינָן בִּבְחִינַת גְּבוּל וְתַכְלִית"ע, אַז עֶר אִיז מְמַהֵר לִמְחוֹל אִידְן אוֹיף אַלֶע דְבָרִים בִּלְתִּי רְצוּיִים, וּבְאוֹפֶן שֶׁל חֵן וְחֶסֶד וְרַחֲמִים בְּטוֹב הַנִּרְאֶה וְהַנִּגְלֶה, ווָאס דָאס גוּפָא אִיז מְעוֹרֵר אוּן הֶעלְפְט דִי אִידְן אַז יִשְׂרָאֵל עוֹשִׂין תְּשׁוּבָה מִיַּד, וּמִיַּד הֵן נִגְאָלִיןעא, בִּגְאוּלָּה הָאֲמִיתִּית וְהַשְּׁלֵימָה.
Adapted from a sichah delivered on Shabbos Parshas Chukas, 5744 (1984) Likkutei Sichos, Volume 28, P. 138ff.
(משיחת ש"פ חוקת תשד"מ)
לקוטי שיחות חלק כח חקת בא

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