I go to a fantastic Big Book Study here in Michigan. We are in the middle of the chapter called, “We Agnostics.” Coming from an Orthodox Jewish background, certain beliefs were ground into me at a young age. Even when I was using drugs, feeling angry, rebelling, and turning away from G‑d — I still had a hard time denying that G‑d exists. The relationship with Him was questionable, and the connection was doubtful; but knowledge that He exists in some way, shape or form was usually there.

One of the basics of AA is that we are not looking for a religion; we are working towards a spiritual lifestyle. That being said, the Big Book tells us that if we talk to a rabbi or priest, few of these clergymen will disagree with what we are doing. They probably have some valuable insights for us.

Something was said at the Big Book Study last week that put my Judaism in perspective: No religion, spirituality, creed, or tao started with proof. They were all experienced. G‑d did not prove to Moses, Elijah and my grandfather or anyone else that He was G‑d. They all experienced something that brought them to believe. Abraham had his conversations and experiences with G‑d. As did Moses, as did the Jews who crossed the Red Sea. My grandfather told me of his experiences with G‑d and why he believed.

Living in the 21st century, it can be hard to “find” miracles or experiences that make me believe in G‑d. When I work the 12 Steps, and I receive the promises in the book, it’s easy for me to experience spirituality. These things are a gift: Things like the compulsion to drink being lifted, the peculiar mental twist being kept in check, my character defects (start to) be removed. Just doing a 9th step and having someone I thought would never talk to me again reach out to me is another gift. All these things are miracles, and recognizing that is part of a spiritual lifestyle that makes it easy to believe.

But it’s an upward spiral that can sometimes feel like trying to kick start a rusty engine. How do you start to experience the spiritual lifestyle if you don’t believe or if you are agnostic? And how do I start to believe without experiencing anything spiritual to believe in? Well, here’s another of my favorite AA quotes: “If you are having trouble with the whole G‑d thing… work the 12 Steps and you will be contacted shortly.”