Voices of Recovery

The message of Passover and the message of recovery are intrinsically intertwined.

Recovery gave me, and continues to give me, the courage to look in the mirror, change the parts of myself I am able to change and accept the parts I can’t.

I believe that my Higher Power is arranging the difficulties of my day in order to help me grow from them.

On the back, it looks like a mess, with knots and clumps. But on the front, there may be a masterpiece - a magnificent picture. That's what our lives are like.

Like it or not, there's frequently a lag between intellectually knowing a truth -- until it becomes part of how we view the world.

There is no "bad" when I can recognize that my Higher Power put it there for me; for some reason, some purpose.

G-d,You are the source of my serenity; You are my anchor; You create everything perfectly just for me; You won’t let me down; You will help me find peace; You keep me in Your picture; You sustain the light that is my soul.

I do love the small miracles. G-d helped me with both the question and the answer one more time. I am excited to see what else G-d has in store for me.

Although it doesn't always seem that way to me at the time, life eventually works out much better when it goes according to G-d's plan rather than mine.

Our recovery proves two things: G-d's power and G-d's love. His power: That He performed the miraculous, saving us from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. And his Love: That He did it for us, His children.

The guilt, remorse, and shame devoured me on a daily basis… My only solution – or so I believed – was to kill the pain with more alcohol. Soon thereafter, I abandoned my wife and children...

It doesn’t matter how old we are, how lost we’ve been or where we are holding in our lives today. We beg Him to give us a second chance, and He obliges.

On Passover, G-d reveals a glimpse of the awe-inspiring reality hidden in everyday living. On Shavuot, through His caring love for us, He bestows upon us an invaluable present – the Torah.

Today I am no longer in need of something exterior to make me realize that I am okay. Knowing that G-d is with me is Dayenu! It is enough!

In the dark places of my own truth, The Twelve Steps of Recovery are my candle, illuminating the path to self awareness and self actualization.

Just as He placed the sun exactly where it needs to be-a little closer and our world would burn, a little further and we would freeze, so, too, He created each of us perfectly. Acceptance of our own essence is a hallmark of recovery.

It's not my way, but clearly, my way wasn't the best course for life to take right now -- since that's not the way it turned out.

Recovery involves shedding the mask, sometimes layers and layers of masks. Purim allows us to play out this process with festivities, friends, and fun.

On Shavuot, G-d chose us. On Purim, we chose Him. We have tasted the joy of unburdening ourselves and embracing G-d’s guidance and providence in our lives. It is limitless.

That is what we Jewish women need to emulate of Esther: the sacrifice, the endurance and the true commitment. We need to stay in touch with the feelings that lie under the costume.

These days, I don't believe that I am bothering G-d when I approach Him any time of day or night for my requests or needs. No big stuff or small stuff differentiation.

Instead of feeling upset that I must approach the King every day for my every need, I can realize instead that I am truly blessed that He lets me into His chambers every day and patiently listens to my requests.

When we work our programs, we build lighthouses. When we nurture our faith, we build orchards.

Repeated experience has made it abundantly clear that I can either have everything I ever wanted out of life OR I can have alcohol. I can't have both.

It's my choice to pick a little discomfort now, in order to heal, recover, and live a happy, healthy, sane and useful life. Hands down, the choice seems much easier when put that way. It even feels quite good to make the right choices now.

Rebuild my walls of hope, restore my resolution, lead me, step by step, into Your Holy Place...

The Festival of Lights was so dark during my childhood that I barely remember it. Today, I experience Chanukah as the Holiday of Recovery.

In the last few days a number of things have happened in my life which have brought me back to this reality. I have been reminded of what my place is in this puzzle.

It's too easy to go to meetings, hear other people's stories, and say that mine is so different. I like this idea of looking for the similarities, rather than the differences. It proves to me that I'm in the right place.

As addicts, we have done whatever possible not to feel pain. As codependents, we have immersed ourselves in the pain of others, perhaps attempting to mask our own.

Do I do it because I need or want a pat on the back? Or do I do it because it's the right thing to do? Would I be willing to do it if I could tell absolutely no one about it? Would it be enough for me to know that I simply did the right thing?

Inside, I was like a soft-boiled egg, hiding under a hard shell. And what was all that bluster and bravado? It was this fear that someone might try to crack that shell, and all the goo would trickle out, exposing me to the world.

After years of trying to quit drinking on my own, I'm convinced that there is no easy or soft way to recover from the disease of alcoholism.

I hope to be able to keep G-d close to me. But how should I do this? How can I remember to connect with Him daily with the same fervent devotion and connection? How do I "remember to remember"?

G-d did not prove to Moses,Elijah and my grandfather or anyone else that he was G-d. They all experienced something that brought them to believe.

Each of us has our own "handicaps," those things that prevent us from freely "swimming" through life. We are bound in so many ways, yet there is a part of us that wishes, that dreams to be free, and boundlessly cavort, without fear.

I find one side of my brain trying to convince the other side of my brain that I am not an addict. Just a kid who partied too hard and needed a little brake. Then I remember what a mess I made when I was using. A mess of myself, my life, and the people around me.

The perceived unpleasant experiences of today may be the stepping stones to the character traits I need to build for tomorrow. I have to ask G-d to remove my fear of the unknown and replace it with how he would have me be.

If my own life becomes overwhelming, the best thing for me to do is work with another alcoholic or addict. When I am able to put aside my issues by reaching out to help someone else in the program, I am free of the “bondage of self".

In the car I got to talk with the guy who had relapsed and asked him what had happened, but I knew the answer already… He stopped working the program. There were 100 reasons why, each more colorful than the next.

Change is not comfortable because it is different. Different, whether I perceive it as "good" or "bad" is still different and this leads to discomfort.

So I diverted from "expectations of others and self" to expectations of love and nurturance and acceptance from our HP. No matter, I'm still in the club. Are you?

My thoughts were that the only way out of my misery was to die. I prayed to G-d for him to take me out of my misery. I’m forever grateful that He answered me by giving me the courage to get help.

“You didn’t know the real Josh,” his father told me when I came to his house during the shivah. “You knew him only after he became a user.”