I had the opportunity yesterday to pick someone up who had a relapse and take him to the hospital to detox. I went together with a friend in the program and we were on this journey together. I called my sponsor on the way there, I prayed that things would go well, and that we would be safe, and that we should be able to fulfill G‑d’s will. In the car I got to talk with the guy who had relapsed and asked him what had happened, but I knew the answer already… He stopped working the program. There were 100 reasons why, each more colorful than the next. But the bottom line was, he was detoxing in my back seat.

When I got home I kept thinking about this guy, and how going away from what he was supposed to do little by little had caused this relapse. He hadn’t gone to a meeting in the morning, then done a 4th and 5th with his sponsor, then gone to use. It was a progression of not doing those things.

Where am I lacking in my program? What am I doing half-assed that could lead to a relapse? I think that one of the reasons that the Big Book tells us to work with other people is because it makes us think about these things. G‑d helps us become stronger when we give to others selflessly. So I was self evaluating last night and I thought about the 3rd step, and how the Big Book (and everyone at meetings) says to pray on our knees.

It is a “Christian” thing to do when praying (I use quotes b/c it’s a half way BS excuse) and I was taught as a child that “Jews don’t do that” (that’s the other half of the excuse).

I had heard that it’s not a Christian thing; it’s that it is humbling to get on your knees. I am not sure. Bottom line I don’t pray on my knees. Is my accepting these variations in the program, me not being “vigorous” in my action? This morning I put on Tefilin and thought “maybe this is the Jewish version of getting on ones knees”. I am not sure, but I know that unless I am vigorous when I do my work I am at risk of ending up like my friend. That’s not where I want to be.