We can all think of a few people that we would describe as being "impossible." These are individuals who push the wrong buttons, irritate us to no end and annoy us whenever we talk to them. These are the people that we find arrogant, critical, and negative or possess some other character deficit. How do we handle impossible people?
The interesting thing is that we don't all find the same people hard to take. The guy that annoys me, doesn't bother my wife and the neighbor that she dreads talking to, I can communicate with easily. Why do these difficult people clash with some but not with others?
The Baal Shem Tov explained this with the "mirror theory."
None of us are perfect. We all have our deficiencies and areas of personality that are underdeveloped and need work. But we are often unaware of these deficits. Self love often causes us to be in denial, preventing us from resolving and correcting these weaknesses.
When we observe character defects in other people and criticize them, it is really the undeveloped parts of our personality that are showing up. We are only so irritated by these blemishes because the very same issues are unresolved within ourselves. My spouse might not have the same area of weakness, and therefore does not notice it in others.
When we see faults in others it can be used as an opportunity for self reflection. If we think someone is arrogant we can examine our own egos. If we describe someone as being unkind we can examine on our level of kindness, compassion and empathy. If our friend's judgmental nature bothers us we should think about how we view other people.
We should always endeavor to look at people in a positive light. But when it becomes difficult, it is an opportunity to look inwards.
The mirroring I was referring to are those that reenact an episode of my household that entails a day, few days, or week of conducting in a certain manner or belief. Then a week passes by and now the neighbor or relative or friend of my fiancé are going through the same exact details “ we organically endured “ and are mimicking them. It’s like they’re trying to teach me a lesson of some sort and they’re always older people . I think this ageism today has part but, this condescending passive aggressive reverse psychology makes me feel like everyone associated to them is b.s...period. Nothing is natural and is all played out via gossip . I can’t get rid of it nor ignore it because it’s at my door everyday or in my house, and thwarting their judgmental actions only builds their hunger to keep doing it. Neighbors shouting our business whenever we step out. I thought when I grew up people were smarter and more mature using love, kindness and logic.
Some don't grow up enough to be mature. That takes time and patience because we are all human. We fail and we succeed. We triumph and fall down. It's ok, we gotta have 'em all to make the world go round.