The Latin word parente, the origin of the English word parent, means to bring forth, to give birth, or to produce, highlighting the physical role parents play in the creation of a child. The Hebrew word for parents, horim, on the other hand, means teachers, emphasizing the fact that Jewish tradition sees parents not only as progenitors and guardians but also as educators tasked with empowering their child with the knowledge and tools they need to live healthy, wholesome, and independent lives.
Being a parent is thus not merely defined by bringing a child into the world, but equally, if not more importantly, by preparing them for a successful future. Towards this end, the Talmud1 teaches that a parent is obligated to instruct their child in the following three areas of life: 1) A belief and value system to help them navigate the complexities of life; 2) a trade, to ensure their financial independence; and 3) basic survival skills—an example of which is swimming.
Reflecting this point, Abraham is considered to be the father of the Jewish people, and to this day is called avinu, our father. A verse in Genesis2 provides insight into why Abraham was chosen for this historic role. As G‑d says: I have chosen him because he commands his sons and his household after him that they should keep the way of the L‑rd to perform righteousness and justice. Abraham merited to father the Jewish people because of his exemplary focus on education in general and moral instruction in particular.
This idea is enshrined in the Shema, the central Jewish prayer, which instructs parents: And you shall impress these words upon your children.3
According to Jewish tradition, education is primarily considered the role and responsibility of a parent, not a teacher. In fact, in the entire Five Books of Moses, there is no word to describe a formal “teacher,” because from the Biblical point of view, the ideal teacher is the parent!
Therefore, even if, as is most common today, parents send their children to school or other educational institutions, it is important to recognize the centrality of their influence in their child’s education.
Indeed, this pedagogical paradigm of parental engagement, which has been a cornerstone of Jewish tradition for millennia, is now echoed in current educational research and even public policy. According to Waterford.org,4 a national organization developing and providing free online early education for low-income families:
“What’s the most accurate predictor of academic achievement? It’s not socioeconomic status, nor how prestigious the school is that a child attends. The best predictor of student success is the extent to which families encourage learning at home and involve themselves in their child’s education.”5
Developing this idea even further in the Shema, parents are encouraged to, teach these words to your children, and you shall speak of them when you sit in your house...when you lie down, and when you rise...and write these words upon your doorposts.”
These words convey the fact that, according to the Torah, not only is the parent considered a child’s primary teacher, but the home is the primary classroom. From this perspective, ritual items placed and used within one’s house can be functionally understood as educational materials, as well. Like an informative poster in a classroom, a mezuzah, for example, becomes a reflection point or inquiry prompt.
Ultimately, as parents, there are two endowments we can hope to bequeath to our children.
One is wings, the other is roots. Wings represent the academic and social opportunities that allow children to soar beyond their current station in life. Roots, on the other hand, represent one’s deeper values and sense of belonging to a particular culture, tradition, history, and community.
Like a tree with large and far-reaching branches, a person can achieve great success and their impact can be vast. However, if their roots are shallow, their equilibrium is easily uprooted when the storms of life come their way.
Therefore, in addition to the upward mobility offered by powerful and expansive wings, providing children with the deep stability of sturdy roots is what supports them in offering up their highest fruits.
As Franklin D. Roosevelt famously put it: “We cannot always build the future for our youth, but we can build our youth for the future.”
In the Jewish tradition, parents are the ideal teachers, the home is the optimal classroom, and moral instruction and character development are the ultimate goals of education.
A young girl’s parents allowed her to choose between two schools they had selected.
One school was academically superior, while the other placed greater emphasis on good character than on good marks.
She decided to consult the Lubavitcher Rebbe about her choice.
“First and foremost,” the Rebbe replied, “you must look at which school will help you best develop as a human being and as a Jew.”
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