Day Two: Gevurah of Chesed - 2nd Day of the Omer

Healthy love must always include an element of discipline. A degree of distance and respect for the other. An assessment of the persons capacity to contain your love. Love must be tempered and directed properly. Ask a parent who in the name of love has spoiled his child; or someone who suffocates their spouse with love and doesn't allow her any space of her own. Love with discretion is necessary to avoid giving to those that don't deserve it.

Is my love disciplined enough? Do others take advantage of my giving nature? Am I hurting anyone by becoming their crutch in the name of love? Am I hurting my children by forcing upon them my value system because I love them so? Do I respect the one I love or is it a selfish love? Am I sensitive to his feelings and attitudes? Do I see my beloved as an extension of myself and my needs? In my love is there as much emphasis on the one I love and his ability to contain my love as there is on me and my giving? Rain is a blessing only because it falls in drops that don't flood the fields.

Exercise for the day: Help someone on their terms not on yours. Apply yourself to their specific needs even if it takes effort.

From A Spiritual Guide to the Omer by Simon Jacobson
Republished with the permission of MeaningfulLife.com. If you wish to republish this article in a periodical, book, or website, please email [email protected]

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13 Comments

Anonymous U.S.A. April 2, 2018

I really appreciate the daily individual encouragements that come with counting the Omer.

However, there seems to be a conflict between day two - ‘Gevurah of Chesed’ which states the need to be ‘discretionary’ so as not to extend love to the ‘undeserving’ - ‘Love with discretion is necessary to avoid giving to those that ‘don't deserve it.’

And day three - ‘Tiferet of Chesed’ which states the value of love extended when not deserved - ‘Real love is expressed even when one gets nothing in return; even when the other ‘doesn't deserve love.’ Reply

Karen Stewart Houston April 3, 2018

in response to Anonymous:

This is an interesting thought you pointed out. Thank you for mentioning it. I guess at the end of the day, everyone deserves love. However, we can love from a distant because loving some individuals is just too painful. Reply

Rachel May 21, 2023

in response to Anonymous:

Another translation of “Chesed”
Is “Kindness “. Which I prefer rather than the English word “love” because “love” is abused in English.
But “kindness “ gives a perspective that can be given to people outside of a family. And “love” needs boundaries. But HaShem is kind to all His creations. And in Hebrew giving kindnesses can be plural. Chasadim. One can do little kindnesses and many of them ••• Reply

Karen Kozakiewicz USA April 4, 2018

in response to Karen Stewart:

Hello Karen Stewart From Houston -

My name also is Karen! The reply you shared to Anonymous was actually me.

Loving from a distance - when determined to be wise, and or, needful - is often subjective and a very sad reality created when needful relationship balances are consistently absent. Humility before the L-rd, growing in and practicing His terms for relationships with others is a journey for sure.

The L-rd, imho, doesn't ask or require we engage to the point of consistent harm be it emotional, spiritual, or otherwise when in the end result unhealthy and negative en-ablements are expected - albeit it blindly, and or, prevail. Reply

Anonymous April 2, 2020

in response to Karen Kozakiewicz:

I understand it as - gevurah =strength and discipline. So the way it would work is, give love to all, but have gevurah. do not keep giving untill your cup is empty. Leave some for you. You need you too. Ultimately love for all, but within that love we must have boundaries. Love everything with tiferet, but also gevurah. Like the tree of life. They work together to create reality and harmony. Reply

BA Kress Austin April 14, 2014

Strength in One's Love I would add the notion that one's love for another must also be geared to what is good for the other, even when the other might not understand what the "good" actually is. In other words, the other sometimes thinks love amounts simply to being "supportive," more or less, acquiesing to what he or she wants or feels in the moment.

The gevurah of chesed often drives us to love in a way that helps those we love even when the expression of our love may feel uncomfortable or when something softer or less demanding or different may be either expected or wanted in the moment.

I say all of this, while fully agreeing with the comment that we must be careful not to allow our love to mask our own interest rather than the real need of the loved one. Reply

Karen Stewart Houston April 4, 2018

in response to BA Kress:

TX I want to thank you for these much needed words. I did not know the significance of the need until I read the post over and over again. We have to always be mindful to love others where their capacity allows; not ours. Sometimes, we can be over bearing and this can drive loved ones away. Reply

Rachel Cleveland, OH April 10, 2012

Love with discretion Good quote: "Love with discretion is necessary to avoid giving to those that don't deserve it."
I wish I had known this concept fully many years ago. My life could have taken a better direction. So much to learn still. Reply

Karen Stewart Houston April 3, 2018

in response to Rachel:

I agree wholeheartedly Rachel.... Reply

Chesed Yocheved Avraham Seattle, WA/USA April 9, 2012

kindness with empathy is blind love to you from me I am so greatfull to be called Chesed, and when come together with Gevurah, and the others element that compose my self being in the serving for humanity and specially for my fellow jew, I feel complete.
Thanks for this great lessons that increase my good being inside of me, for the sake of our Creator and our holy nation of Israel. Reply

Gayle Birmingham, AL/USA September 21, 2009

thanks for this site like the two previous posters, I have been questioning what are the main lessons I need to learn in this life...and yes, I have come to strongly believe that gevurah is where my lessons are to be found...

Great site, thank you! :) Reply

Chaya Bluma April 21, 2009

Recovering Enabler This day's task is a daily, sometimes hourly, one for me! As an enabler in recovery :-), I am learning to focus on my own feelings/needs/goals instead of busily attempting to fix others. I humbly ask G-d to help me constantly remember that I need to be responsible for myself. I demonstrate love for others the most when I support them in becoming responsible for themselves. Reply

Anonymous new city, NY/USA May 3, 2006

internet learning Thank you so much for making it easy to learn and grow. My life's journey is to refine my self. For a long time, I did not know what my personal journey was - the more I began to learn, the more I knew I needed to learn.
Thank you for making part of learning as easy as daily readings on the computer. Reply

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