Journeying With Our Daughter

Anonymous

This column is written in the hope that my experiences will shine a light on the growing epidemic of mental health and substance abuse, worldwide and in the Jewish community. My hope is that chronicling our journey, as we watch our daughter’s journey, is to inspire others as we strive to inspire ourselves. Join us as we dig into our faith, traditions and teachings to find solace, if not answers. Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks said, “The answer to ‘why,’ is ‘what.’” This series is part of the “what” that I hope, one day, will answer the “why.”

Into the Psych Ward How we fell off planet Earth, right into G‑d’s embrace The image of my daughter in her red jumpsuit is indelibly seared into my mind. 32 Comments		Finding Purpose in Our Daughter's Addiction Today I want to focus on one very simple element: how it can serve us. 12 Comments
The Gift of a Child in Addiction & Mental Health Recovery These gifts, although they may not seem so at first, are better than any we could’ve asked for. 3 Comments		Learning to Co-Parent With G-d Thoughts While on the Plane to Partial Hospitalization There are those seriously difficult moments—terrifying in fact—when you, if you are honest, you might ask yourself: Is it worth the effor? 4 Comments
Have I Hit Rock Bottom Yet? What if I am only partially crushed? Is that enough for the healing and recovery to begin? 15 Comments		My First Al-Anon Meeting I am trying not to let my built-in judgmentalism take over … 13 Comments
Learning to Soften the Knots in My Stomach Apparently, I still need to achieve a deeper awareness of exactly Who is in charge. 13 Comments		Nothing More Upright Than a Crooked Ladder The goal is a month or so at this center, then sober living, and then home. 3 Comments
The Sobering Reality of Sober Living What price will our long-term relationship pay for us not allowing her home? 2 Comments		Learning to Sing and Weep at the Same Time Our dream of spending the holidays together as a family has been essentially dashed. 2 Comments
The Search for a Sober Living Home 7 Comments		Watching Your Teen Sober Up Is Painful! When the law was laid down clearly and unequivocally, she even started appreciating it. 2 Comments
5 Lessons From Our Journey We are not perfect, but except for G‑d, no one is. Many old wounds are healing, others need more time. But overall, we are in a much better place. 4 Comments

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Joseph Feig Hallandale September 20, 2021

I am a Jewish recovering addict and alcoholic. I went from a Bar Mitzvah boy to being homeless in over town in Miami. Allot of confusion and trying to find my way through a life full of hard ache and trauma because of my decisions and sometimes not. After 14 treatment centers, multiple outpatient centers, jail, multiple psych wards, multiple meetings to no avail. The only thing that held steady was my faith in HaShem. He saved my life during my addiction multiple times in life threatening situations. I’m coming up on 3 years of sobriety in March. People ask how did you do it? You were a helpless case somebody mentioned to me and I said I was never helpless I chose not to connect with HaShem but he never abandoned me. One day I started a new medication Naltrexone which I never wanted to take and haven’t looked back since. I also just had enough. I personally believe in my case it just took time. I just said one day that’s it, I made a decision simple as that. Just the right decision Reply

Anonymous July 29, 2021

I really appreciate this evolving column of yours. I’m a young adult in a very similar scenario to your daughter.

One of the most painful elements of my past is the way it impacted my parents. I put them through so much yet they were there for me (even if I didn’t see it at the time) each step of the way, and I can tell you’re doing the same for your daughter. L’chayim

As she begins to transition towards less intensive treatment, the next goal will have to become finding real fulfillment in life. Without that, in my experience at least, relapse becomes the easy if not somewhat understandable option. If you can’t find real fulfillment, and you have a history of turning to drugs to cope, it’s just a habitual decision, no matter how much treatment precedes it.

That’s just my two cents since much of my initial treatment was only thru the lens of abstinence, and not holistic development, and hence I haven’t yet reached a place of peace. No longer fully gone, but not back yet either Reply

Katherine Houston July 30, 2021

in response to Anonymous:

I find that oftentimes the more traditional forms of religion are an impediment to mental illness recovery. I always felt that what religion asked of me, I was not capable of doing. There didn't seem to be any acknowledgement of people's limitations...That was my experience. Reply

Brian Abraham NY June 1, 2021

We went through this with our son. It was a living nightmare. We tried everything, to no avail. One morning I woke up at 3 am and noticed the light on in his room. He wasn’t there. I went downstairs and found him unconscious, barely breathing. I started CPR. An ambulance and the police came quickly and were able to save him. I knew “someone “ was watching over us. Eventually he moved in with a girlfriend who had zero tolerance for drugs. We weren’t very happy with the situation and hardly saw him, but he seemed to do better, and eventually started to work as a chef. Fast forward five years and he just recently returned home. We were so happy but so nervous. But he’s more mature and recognizes his mistakes and his weaknesses. He’s 23. He immediately applied for jobs; with a recommendation he got a job two blocks from home at a kosher restaurant. Go figure. So far so good. All I can say is never give up on love and hope and faith. Reply

Lisa Roman NY June 27, 2021

in response to Brian Abraham :

May Hashem bless you and your family and all of Klol Yisrael struggling with similar situations, that all should go well. Reply

Kathy S. Philadelphia June 1, 2021

Thank you for your beautiful writing which so clearly expresses what so many of us have coped with as parents of children, teens and young adults coping with behavioral health issues. Another aphorism is “you’re never alone”. Connecting with others who are going through something similar can help so much, in my experience. Letting G-d in, asking for - or praying for or yelling for - HELP can be healing; knowing so so much is beyond our control. Praying for healing for your family. B’shalom. Reply

Sandra F New York June 1, 2021

I also want to thank the anonymous writer for writing his story, and I want to thank Chabad for publishing it on a Jewish forum. We, as a community, need to open our arms to the many other families out there who may be suffering under similar circumstances. It's hard enough to go through such an ordeal, but it's even harder when you feel that your community has turned a deaf ear to your struggle, or worse. It's so important to share these kinds of stories. Reply

Katherine Edmiston Houston May 7, 2021

Thank you so much for including this eloquent and piercing personal journey. Often a person who struggles with mental illness and addiction doesn't just suffer from the condition itself, they also struggle with feeling guilty, ashamed, and like they are bad people. In recovery i learned that i am not a bad person needing to be good but a sick person needing to heal...Only with love and acceptance is healing possible. Reply