Loved Ones Share

This series of articles was written by a rabbi in North America chronicling his daughter’s ongoing struggle with addiction and mental illness.

I claimed that I wanted my husband to heal for his sake. But the truth was that I was terrified.

Only G‑d knows how precious those moments of one’s inner work are.

As I watch you come back to life, I am scared. Why should I live a normal life just for the next wave of depression and anxiety to hijack our home all over again?

There is so much resistance here, so I know there must be something true.

A year ago I started working with young women who have Eating Disorders. It is not an easy job. I have moments where I want to quit. I tell myself, "I'm not qualified for this. I'm not strong enough for this. I just can't do it." My boss tells me, "If you don't, who will?"

All that was left of Matt's beautiful bride was a medicated shell of a human being whose brain had short circuited and whose soul had somehow disconnected...

I can't blame my mother, whose illness and family history prevented her from being able to mother, nor can I blame my grandmother for raising a daughter unable to mother...

On an overcast morning one Fourth of July, sullen clouds hinting to the imminent fall of rain, I came to a Forensic Psychiatric Ward in Northern Connecticut.

We went back to the psychiatrist and she saw right away what it really was. My beautiful, brilliant, funny, compassionate son was literally climbing her bookcases, screaming like a wild animal...

About an hour or so before Shabbat arrives, there’s a set of loud, repetitive knocks on my door. On the other side stands a mostly toothless woman, often carrying the overwhelming scent of the unbathed.

Following a suicide, everyone is looking for a reason, an excuse. Everyone wants to find something or someone to blame. Because when we have a label, it makes it so much easier to separate it from our lives or our responsibility...

You see, she is fat and ugly. She has hair that sometimes frizzes, legs that are too long, and what tops it off is the most horrendous skin between her thumb and forefinger. Is this true? Any of it? Yes, all of it. Why? Because that is how she sees herself. And that, ultimately, is all that matters...

In order to connect, in order to give, in order to attach, you have to be connected to the ground. If a woman doesn’t get any sleep, if she has no physical or emotional strength, if she doesn’t eat properly, then she can’t be a source of blessing.