Examine the endurance aspect of endurance, its expression and intensity. Everyone has willpower and determination. We have the capacity to endure much more than we can imagine, and to prevail under the most trying of circumstances.
Ask yourself: Is my behavior erratic? Am I inconsistent and unreliable? Since I have will and determination, why am I so mercurial? Am I afraid of accessing my endurance and committing? Do I fear being trapped by my commitment? If yes, why? Is it a reaction to some past trauma? Instead of cultivating endurance in healthy areas, have I developed a capacity for endurance of unhealthy experiences? Do I endure more pain than pleasure? Do I underestimate my capacity to endure?
Exercise for the day: Commit yourself to developing a new good habit.
This is dreadfully difficult for me. On one level, I feel hopeful there is a way through this to a place where my integrity and strength are as visible as my actual limitations, and realistic path forward. That said, I see I am trapped in specific painful past traumas that were never worked through, resulting in the belief or fear that it is all too much…yes, I suppose, having learning to get through with unhealthy endurance.
It doesn’t make sense, objectively, it looks easy… simple, reasonable, just the way it is, it is a part of who I am…but I suffered so terribly… I start crying… I have got to get past that…
maybe new habits…