For compassion to be fully realized, it needs bonding. It requires creating a channel between giver and receiver. A mutuality that extends beyond the moment of need. A bond that continues to live on. That is the most gratifying result of true compassion. Do you bond with the one you have compassion for, or do you remain apart? Does your interaction achieve anything beyond a single act of sympathy?
Exercise for the day: Ensure that something eternal is built as a result of your compassion.
I appreciate your focus on making the compassion and connection ongoing. Often people talk without the walk; they just give lip service and not committed action. The result is negligible. What you are suggesting has the capability of making a permanent change for the better in a person's world. Bond with one person; (its as if) you changed the world. That is what happened to me when I was paired with a partner from Partners in Torah in 2001. We are still going strong in learning and in friendship. Reply
thank you for the omer reminder, it really helps me keep my focus Reply
Bonding in harmony When love is the intention, bonding in harmony is just natural. Reply
to terrie
Praying certainly works to sustain the compassion when actions can't.
Telling them that you're praying might be a bad idea, though. Just do it. I even heard about one study saying people who are ill who know someone is praying for them statistically fare worse.
(Visiting the sick is not the same thing as telling them you're praying for them...to actually walk in, connect with them, help them, shows the truth of someone doing what he can.
But no individual person can always be there, and to be honest the visitee probably don't always want him there...so we can pray with words too, to fill the gaps. :D )
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Thank you for your perspective Reply
My wuestion too Praying for them daily? Telling them you are bringing them before the Heavenly Father in prayer is one way I bond with people I've met and will never meet. Shalom. Reply
Thank you for such wondrous insight . What would be eternal and how? Reply
Would you please give an example of bonding with a person and not their circumstances?
Hello,
Thank you for your insightful post, and the response from the anonymous person about bonding with the person and not the circumstances. Would you give an example of bonding with a person and not their circumstances?
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Very Important Insight
Striving for the eternal in our compassion for and with the other is foundational to Jewish living.
This is a lovely way to express the Yesod of Tiferet. Thank you!
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still - how? How do you bond with the person? what about the person should you focus on in order to help you bond with them? Reply
Sometime you can bond if you have experienced the same type of suffering. Then you can say, I got through this, so can you and I am here for you when you need to talk because I understand how you feel. Other times you can say, I haven't been through what you are going through but I am here to listen. If this person doesn't like to talk about what they're going through, then maybe something practical like a meal or other supportive function you can do for them. But mostly, it's being a positive support person who is open to see what is needed to help. The bonding comes from you being there when everyone else is too busy. Reply
How!
Dear NJ friend,
You stated the answer in your question.
Bond with the human being not their circumstances.
If you can't relate to or bond with the suffering, that's fine. Hopefully the pain will pass . Keep your focus on the person, not the pain.
May G-d quickly heal the wounds of all His children. Amen!
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how? Sometimes, it's too hard to really bond with a person that you're helping because the person is in so much pain that if you would really focus on their pain, it would be too unbearable. Any suggestions? Reply
spiritual guide to the OMER rivka michelle kahn from toronto writing. I have owned this magnificent book/tool for many years and have found it an invaluable companion for my family, friends and myself. thank you dear rav jacobson for sharing your incredible wisdom. G-d bless, Reply
How do you “ensure that something eternal is built.” I am a compassionate, kind and understanding person, typically. I do find that bonding with my older son nowadays is a challenge. How do I navigate the teenage years and maintain/improve our bond? I feel disconnected from him.
As our children grow and develop their own lives, in their own generation, we can often feel separated from them. Let your compassion inspire you to find ways to BE THEIR FRIEND, BEING WITH THEM in their new and emerging world. Explore what they are interested in. Let them know that whatever their choices, and whatever their ways in the world, you are always there for them as a friend. You may find them again now, or it may be a while away, but if they know you are their friend, then one day, they will be there with you, as you have been with them.
While each situation is unique and requires wisdom and patience, the following article shares some helpful strategies.