Boundary Basics

re abuse by children this comment is addressed to anonymous, poster of the first comment here. what you touch upon is being addressed in various quarters [see hakirah Summer 2008, an article by Rabbi A. H. Fried). it is indeed a very sad atypical phenomenon. i would be interested to know if these youngsters you describe were 'chasidish? is this in a strong chareidi community? Though this forum is not exactly the place for this discussion, it may be worth examining what these children are being taught: is 'extra frum' being presented as the necessary norm? This was never intended to be so but unfortunately has become a prevalent phenomenon of our times, with more and more emphasis placed upon external manifestations of frumkeit etc, with the unfortunate effect that some children are put under unnecessary pressure in certain areas creating a an unbalanced see-saw effect, with the unfortunate result described by yourself. To remedy this, one would need to examine HOW and WHAT is being taught in class Reply

Wonderful What a wonderful combination of perspectives coming from a Rabbi and a Chief. most insightful and enjoyable. I wish we had them in my area. Reply

Boundary Basics Rabbi Horowitz,

I believe just the mention of boundaries which no one should cross is the beginning of a great dialogue and understanding by first acknowledging there are boundaries no human being should cross, ever. Years ago, I relocated to another State and I would walk my son to school every morning. I would encounter a Muslim mom walking her daughter. One morning, my son and I saw the little girl by herself. I kept an eye on her, and remained about a half block from her. She reached the street before we did, and we managed to be in close proximity to her as she crossed. A car had stopped but when the little girl was in front of it, a female jumped out and apprehended the child. I grabbed her from the adult white female and she ran with my son to school to notify the police. When this white female punched me in the jaw, I thought she broke it. It was a male dressed as a female. Get involved! Care for others. This child remained safe! Reply

Thank you Anonymous USA I want to just say this & then bow out so people who might care to comment about the excellent talk by the rabbi may do so unimpeded by my comments.

I feel impelled to thank Anonymous USA for their support , compassion & acting in the name of social justice. You have helped me more than you can know. I am touched & inspired by your righteous actions. And I have learned first hand how truly healing & empowering it is to be reached out to with love & to hear it said that "All abuse is heinous and lacks conscience ". Yes, all abuse is wrong, simply wrong. I can't thank you enough. Reply

Great Job! Thank you so much for making this vital information available to us. Reply

Reply to Nat I am the first commenter & will explain why I wrote that.

I posted my question BEFORE this talk went to air. I had received an email giving me advance notice. I believed that we were then being invited to pose questions TO THE SPEAKER to address at the end of his originally live talk. My motivation, and which you cannot know unless I tell you, was to obtain wise, caring & experienced advice. I needed assistance and sought it from him. At the time I had no ideas my question (you can see I wrote a question?) would be put here in the "comments" section. I did not make a comment as such and had not even heard the talk yet.

Also, the subject of child abuse is complex. Eg,abused children abuse. I do not want to punish children for their bad behaviour & which results from the inadvertant abuse they have suffered. I want to find how?I have seen good people be quite nasty to or about such children, or to adults who were once abused, because they behave badly.

And WE MUST behave ok. Reply

Nat - 3 rivers CA Elder abuse, like child abuse is the other side of the same coin.

For you not to recognize that, is to say that the perpetrators of such abuse are reasonably of sound mind.

If you callously disregard abuse of any and all natures, how can YOU say one is more or less heinous. Wouldn't THAT show a disregard and indeed "lack of sensitivity" that you have personally displayed here in your comment? Abuse is abuse and no less threatening to the elderly than it is to children. No less a reality than the caustic and ausive "comment" you have left. All abuse is heinous and lacks conscience and needs address via media for social justice.

Anonymous happened to need it today, so I empathized with them. Period! If the Moderator did not agree or thought it inappropriate, they would not have posted their comment. Reply

Are you guys for real?! This video is about protecting children from the horrors of abuse. Your comments here are inappropriate and show lack of sensitivity. There is a time and a place for everything, and right here and now when so many adults are waking up to the horrors of child abuse, it is not relevant to be discussing how adults feel abused by children. Reply

Anonymous I found your note troubling. I am not sure exactly how young the children are who are acting out agaInst elders in the neighborhood. A bully will go as far as you let them. There can be wonderful ideas to deal with them depending on their ages.

First I would suggest someone accompany you to speak with their parents. Someone in Authority perhaps an outreach program in your local Police Department. A firm warning is in order.

Whatever you do do not back off. I trained elderly in one of my former areas the art of self defense. One of my students, an 86 year young, had a young thug try to grab her purse and she took him down! She had arthritis and still did an excellent job. Instead he was beaten and ridiculed for being apprehended by someone's great Grandmother. Her attacker went to jail, No one deserves to live in fear and if Police have no such program, ask a Rabbi or someone in Synagogue who is willing. Reply

Abuse BY Children I am sorry to mention but I have been troubled by and abused by children. I suspect the causes may be in their homes but I do not altogether know.

What is the best way to deal with this please? The abuse may be verbal, physical or threats of physical assault.

This is within "respectable" surroundings & these children have had a Torah education. I am somewhat afraid of them & also wonder what they will become. The matter upsets me. It happens in my community.

I am not normally subject to such behavior. It is only from these children. And I am not the only victim. They have tried such things as tripping people down stairs; plotting laughingly to knock away the walking stick of an elderly & incapacitated woman (I prevented this); spilling drinks on people or threatening to; behaving disruptively; making messes; running around loudly & excessively; & shooting spit balls at people. Reply