How Do I Choose a Rabbi?
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Question:
I've got a few choices here in town of different styles and flavors of rabbis
and congregations. How do I choose? Is there a simple test to determine who is fit to be
my rabbi?
--Choosing Jew
Answer:
Dear Choosing,
Here are two litmus tests you can administer to any rabbi. You'll need a
stopwatch:
Test #1:
- Ask the rabbi, "Rabbi, do you believe in G-d?"
- Start the stopwatch.
- When you hear the word, "yes", stop the watch and record the time.
Test #2:
- Ask the rabbi, "Okay, let's say they tie you to a post on a pile of kerosene-soaked wood and these guys in black hoods standing around with torches who look like they've done this before tell you, "Just say that this Judaism stuff is a bunch of nonsense and we'll let you go." Your answer is...?
- Start the stopwatch.
- When you hear the words Shma Yisrael... ("Hear O Israel, G-d is our G-d, G-d is one") or some other convincing show of absolute commitment, stop the watch and record the time.
Results:
- 0-2 seconds: That's why we are still here today.
- 3-10 seconds: Okay, maybe he was just shocked by the question.
- 11 seconds to never: If he doesn't really believe in it, why should we?
Sources: Test #1 is the invention of Dr. Judah Landes, a psychologist who used it to determine his rabbi when he was a senior researcher at Stanford. Test #2 was also used many times, but for less honorable purposes and not by psychologists.
Send in your results!
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Latest Comments:
Tzvi Freeman did not not limit his comment to Orthodox Rabbis. Many respondents assumed he was referring to Orthodox Rabbis. Why is that ?
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I don't judge a book by its cover! It took G_d more then 1 day to create the world. Only time will tell the right Rabbi for me!
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I guess that at least proves that he's Jewish.
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I love this article.
But what do you do if the response to question #1 is "Why?"
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Not obvious unless she knows the laws of modesty etc
Many? What are the others?
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Dear Suzanne,
It seems from your comment that you're may be unfamiliar with Chabad. Although a Rabbi won't come to your house to study with you alone (for many obvious reasons), he may visit your home with his Rebbetzin (wife), invite you to a class with others or invite you to their own home! Also, you can approach the Rabbi's wife to study. Typically Chabad Rebbetzins are as knowledgeable as their husbands and since they see the world from a feminine perspective they may be more sensitive and understanding.
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Yes, when I teach a class, I encourage questions, but only because most students are shy and fear looking foolish. I do not allow one person to monopolize the session. But if I am tutoring only one individual, in person, s/he can ask questions constantly, as many as s/he needs.
Do you think a Hasidic rabbi will come to my home to learn with me even if I have questions about every single line we learn? And can we learn Talmud? That is difficult material and evokes many many questions. When I learned Talmud in a class, I had to restrict the number of questions I could ask or we would never have gotten through even one paragraph!!! That is the nature of learning in groups of more than three.
Thank you, Mindy. But what do I do to receive this one-on-one tutoring where I can ask all of my questions?
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In the classes I have attended, people were free to ask questions, and encouraged to do so. Have you talked with Orthodox Jewish rabbis personally and asked about one-to-one mentoring and studying? Chabad.org has an "Ask the Rabbi" site, which can help answer your question, in addition to talking with rabbis. Let us know the results of your quest. Good luck!
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But the man said he was getting private lessons, not just study sessions. There is a difference between studying with one other person and getting his full attention and being free to ask questions, and being in a class where one hesitates to disrupt the group. And he had really good attention from the rabbi, who was like a mentor to him.
And his lessons were from the rabbi, not from the rabbi's wife. We are talking about choosing a rabbi, not choosing a rabbi's wife.
It still sounds to me as if I cannot have a rabbi to be my mentor.
Thanks anyway.
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I have attended many study sessions in private homes, some were women only classes, others were mixed men and women. These were Orthodox rabbis from Chabad, and other types of Orthodox Jewish rabbis. I have also attended classes by the wives of rabbis, either in their homes, or other homes. I have attended classes by women scholars, in homes. I think the issue is that a man and woman who are not closely related should not be in a private room. Otherwise there are many opportunities for women to study and have private and public lessons. Happy learning!
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