At the Seder table we are told to do as many different and unusual things as possible, in order to raise the curiosity of our children and get them to ask questions. This allows us to engage in a dialogue with them, as it is only through listening to the questions of our children that we can know their inner feelings and design our discussions with them accordingly.

If you have more than one child, you'll probably notice that your children are different. Some children are very talkative and you can find it hard to stop them from telling you everything that happened to them. Some children are not talkative at all, and it's very hard for the parent to know what's really going on in the child's life and mind. As a parent of such a child, we need to explore the reasons for the child's withdrawal from offering information about him or herself.

With some children it may be related to a previous negative experience. Perhaps we had previously listened to them and when they shared what had happened to them we judged them and said, "You shouldn't have done that."

Or they may have felt that we were not really listening or not really interested in what they had to say.

Or they may have experienced a lack of confidentiality regarding what they shared with us.

As a parent, we should aim to build up the confidence in our children so that they should want to share their inner experiences with us. Because if they do not feel comfortable sharing it with us, they will look to share it with others.

With a non-talkative child it is a good idea to allocate private time when we will sit and listen to them. Ask the child open-ended questions like: How was your day in school? Who are your best friends? Why do you like them more than others? What was the best thing that happened to you today? What was the worst thing that happened to you today? Ask for the child's opinions about family or personal matters.

By listening long enough, making eye contact with the child and continuing to ask questions, we will learn more about the child's inner feelings and experiences. And once they share them with us, we have to be very careful not to judge or criticize them.

I know some parents who utilize the going to sleep time as a listening and bonding experience. They lie down on the child's bed with their arm around him or her. They spend time listening and talking to the child about what's going on in his or her life. These are moments our children will cherish forever.

By the time the children become teenagers, they will be very comfortable talking to us rather than to strangers.

Some children may be uncomfortable at first to sit down at an official time to talk to us. We have to be very aware not to hassle and nudge them to talk, so it will not become a negative experience for them. Just ask casual questions like, "How was your test today? What did you play at recess?" We could also ask them, "If you could have anything you want in life, what would be the three most important things that you would want?" That will tell us what things are important in our child's life. Slowly but surely we will build up a rapport with our children so they will become comfortable to sit down to an "official" talking time.

We need to make sure that the talkative child does not take over the show and thereby allow the quiet one to withdraw into his or her own thoughts.