From some we learn what to do, while from others we learn what not to do.

Mentch is a Yiddish term that is difficult to define. It’s similar to descriptions such as “refined” or “well-mannered,” but a mentch is a mentch! We must always strive to behave like a mentch in all circumstances, even when we get cut in line at Starbucks. Failing to behave like one is degrading, to ourselves and to all of humanity.

Esau and Jacob were twin brothers. Esau spent his time hunting in the fields, and Jacob spent his time learning. One day Esau proves to be ois mentch (“opposite of a mentch”; crass) as he returns from a long day in the field. He barges into the house, walks up to the huge pot that Jacob is standing over, and demands, “Pour some of that red stuff down my throat, I’m exhausted!”1

Yes, he had a long, hard day at work, and all he could think about was a hot meal, certainly; the concept of manners would not occur to him at a time like this. But the Torah teaches us just the opposite: no matter what our day has been like, or what mood we’re in, we must act like a mentch; we must speak in a refined and respectful manner. From Esau we learn what not to do, while from our forefathers we can learn how to conduct our daily lives.

  • What are common situations you find yourself in that cause you to feel like acting crass?
  • What are some helpful tips on restraining from behaving in a crass manner, and instead behaving like a mentch?
  • Mentch literally means “man.” Why is this term appropriate for the definition it implies?
  • As a bar/bat mitzvah, you are beginning to become a real mentch. What are you going to do about that?