Bereshit, the first portion in the Torah, often doesn’t get its fair share of airtime. While all other Torah portions are allotted a complete week, Bereshit, which is always begun on Simchat Torah, can have anywhere from one to six days, depending on the year’s calendar layout. Nevertheless, Bereshit contains tremendous lessons, and I want to share some of them, dwelling on five essential teachings for our day-to-day lives.

1. Avoiding Perfectionism

When the six days of creation were complete, G‑d stepped back and looked at His work: “And G‑d saw all that He had made, and behold it was very good…”1

Our sages teach that tov – “good” – refers to life, and tov me’od – “very good” – refers to the Angel of Death.2 But how can we possibly say that tov me’od refers to the Angel of Death? If “good” is good, then surely “very good” must be better?

I heard an interesting interpretation from a colleague, Rabbi Levi Wineberg, a Chabad rabbi in Johannesburg, South Africa:

There’s a state of mind called perfectionism, where everything must be perfect. While it’s commendable to want to do everything in the best way possible, becoming obsessed with perfection ultimately harms us. We reach the point where, if it’s not perfect, we’d rather not do it at all. We all know people who stopped trying because they could not reach their level of desired perfection.

So “tov,” aspiring to do things well, that’s life; “tov me’od,” however, where everything must be perfect or bust, that’s the Angel of Death, because very often the mark of perfection is beyond our reach.

While this is true in general, it is especially true regarding marriage. If we look at our spouse expecting perfection, it will be the death of our marriage.

A young man searching for a wife wrote to the Rebbe: “I cannot find that perfect girl. No one meets the criteria of what I’m expecting to have in a wife.” The Rebbe responded to his letter, saying, “There is no such thing as perfect. Don’t seek perfection. You’re not perfect, either. No one is.”

We are setting ourselves up for the Angel of Death by expecting perfection either from ourselves or our spouse. We have to strive to do the best we can in life, but we must never allow ourselves to get bogged down by perfectionism.

2. The Key to a Happy Marriage

In chapter two, G‑d announces that it’s not good for man to be alone and that He will give him a partner. G‑d then forms Eve from Adam’s side, and the verse instructs, “Therefore, a man shall leave his father and his mother and cleave to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”3

The Torah gives us the prescription for a happy marriage: We must not, G‑d forbid, abandon our parents; we must continue to honor them even once we are married. However, for a married person, the marriage becomes the priority; my spouse comes before my parents.4 That is not only important but also the halachah. If we cannot “forsake” our parents for the sake of our marriage, then the marriage is not going to work.

Taking the idea of “forsaking” one’s parents a step deeper, we encounter a very interesting teaching in Parshat Lech Lecha when G‑d instructs Abraham, “Go forth from your land and from your birthplace and from your father’s house to the land that I will show you.”5

If a person is going to leave home, the order would be the opposite of what the verse describes: First he’ll leave his father’s household, then he’ll leave his birthplace, and then he’ll leave the land. Why does the verse say the opposite?

Chassidism explains: “Your father’s household” refers to the character traits and habits one acquires. “Leave your father’s household” means stop living according to your habits and inclinations.

To make a marriage work, we must be able to move away from our habits. It can’t be, “My way or the highway—do it my way or don't do it at all.” You must “forsake your father,” i.e., abandon the strong dynamics of your own personality for the marriage to succeed. Only then can there be the fusion of two people.

3. Take Responsibility

We have the makings of a beautiful story here: G‑d is pleased with how Creation went. He has made the first humans and placed them in the beautiful Garden of Eden. “This whole place is yours,” He tells Adam and Eve. “You can eat from the fruit of any tree in the garden; just don’t eat from the Tree of Knowledge. OK?”

Not much time goes by, and already we have tsuris – problems. The serpent convinces Eve to eat the forbidden fruit. She says, “If I’m going to eat, my husband’s going to eat too,” and convinces Adam to eat as well.

This is where taking responsibility comes into the picture.

G‑d is less than pleased that His only command has been violated, so He calls out to Adam,6 “Have you eaten from the tree which I specifically told you not to?” And Adam’s response? “The woman you placed with me – she made me do it!” So G‑d turns to the woman, “What have you done?” And the woman says, “I’m not to blame either – the serpent made me do it!”

This is the idea of always blaming everyone else and being unable to take responsibility for our own actions.

There is a very beautiful story found in the Talmud7 and mentioned by the founder of Chabad, Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, known as the Alter Rebbe, in Tanya:

Elazar ben Durdaya was a hedonist. There was not one pleasure in the world in which he did not indulge. There was not one woman of ill repute in the world with whom he was not intimate. One day, while consorting with a woman he’d had to cross seven rivers to reach, she told him, “You will never redeem yourself. You’re a lost soul.”

That challenge touched Elazar ben Durdaya profoundly and set him on a quest for repentance. He cried out to the mountains and hills, saying, “Save me! Pray for me!” And they refused. He called out to heaven and earth. They refused. He called out to the sun and the moon. They refused as well. Finally, Elazar ben Durdaya said, “Clearly, the matter depends on nothing other than me.” He sat with his head between his knees and cried loudly until his soul left his body. A Divine voice emerged and said, “Rabbi Elazar ben Durdaya is destined for life in the World to Come.”

Some explain that Elazar ben Durdaya cried out to the mountains and hills, heaven and earth, sun and moon—he was blaming creation for his sins! “This is the way I was created. I can’t help it. This is what I am. I can’t change.” He blamed his environment; he blamed his DNA; he blamed his parents and his upbringing; he blamed everything and everybody but himself.

Finally, when he took responsibility and said, “I have to come to terms with who I am,” he began to return and repent.

The Talmud relates that the great Rabbi Yehuda Hanasi, hearing of the passing of Elazar ben Durdaya, wept and said, “Yesh koneh olamo besha’ah achat, a person can acquire the world to come in one moment.”

In Elazar ben Durdaya we see a man who transgressed an entire lifetime. Still, when he finally took responsibility, he achieved a state of teshuvah and ultimately reached the highest celestial chambers.

This is the importance of that one word—responsibility. And it’s taught at the very beginning of Creation.

4. The Education Dichotomy

After the sin of the Tree of Knowledge, Adam and Eve were evicted from the Garden of Eden, and G‑d blocked the entrance, not allowing anyone to enter.

And He drove the man out, and He stationed from the east of the Garden of Eden the cherubim and the blade of the revolving sword, to guard the way to the Tree of Life.8

We know about the angelic cherubim on top of the Holy Ark in the Tabernacle and Temples, so when we read of cherubim here in Genesis and discover that they are destructive angels guarding the entryway to the Garden of Eden, we are perplexed! Are cherubim destructive angels or are they holy angels with the face of a pure child?

And the answer is that it all depends on how you educate the child.

If a child is raised correctly and properly educated—if they are placed on the Torah, and the Torah is placed upon them—then they can become one of holy cherubim like the angelic figures on the Holy Ark in the Holy Temple.

But if a child is not brought up on the path of kindness, goodness, Torah, and mitzvot, if the child runs wild, then the child can become a destructive cherub.

What type of cherub the child becomes is in our hands. “Chanoch lana’ar al pi darko – educate the child according to his way.”9 We have the ultimate responsibility of guiding and inspiring our children. This is the mandate of ensuring a proper Jewish education.

5. The Choice is Ours  

Our final life lesson comes from the story of Cain and Abel, who both offered gifts to G‑d: Cain offered inexpensive junk, while Abel offered the best of the best. G‑d turned to Abel and accepted his gift, while Cain’s offering was rejected. When Cain consequently became depressed and angry, G‑d said to him, “Why are you annoyed? Is it not so, that if you improve, it will be forgiven? If you do not improve, however, at the entrance, sin is lying, and to you is its longing, but you can rule over it.”10

Parenthetically, I remember that my father, Rabbi Sholom Gordon, of blessed memory, would not be pleased with the people who, when the donation truck came collecting, would go up to their attics and dig up their old clothes to give away for charity. Now, donating old clothes to a worthy cause is certainly a big mitzvah. But my father saw that as a missed opportunity. He said, “What do the children see? The children see you donating the junk from the attic to charity. The children need to see you writing a check. Take the child into your office and say, “Ziskeit (sweety), my son, my daughter – this is how we give charity. We give away the best!”

Abel gave away the best. Cain gave away the junk from his attic.

So when Cain became depressed that his offering was rejected, G‑d said, “Why are you so upset? The choice was yours!” And G‑d lays down the law of free choice in life—for Cain and us all: Stop blaming everyone and start acting. It’s not anybody’s responsibility but your own. “If you improve, then it’ll all be good.” G‑d will accept you; He will not reject you, and it’s all wonderful. “But if you don’t improve your ways” – if you continue to be greedy and refuse to share – “your sin, your transgression, will wait for you at the door of your grave.” Your desire for sin will never be quelled if you’re selfish and greedy. That’s the human condition. We always want to engage with that which is enjoyable. We’ll always be attracted to sin.

However, you can control it. You can rule over your negative energy simply by waking up one morning and saying, “I want to change. I want to transform my life. There’s no reason I should be a slave to my passions. There’s no reason I should be a victim. There’s no reason I should blame everybody. I need only to make a commitment.”

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. Today we can transform ourselves; we can liberate ourselves and become different people.

May we internalize these profound lessons from the portion of Bereshit, and may we all have a liberated year!