Teshuvah means to regret some mess-up you made, and resolve never to do it again.
We can’t tell you how to feel regret or resolve; it’s just something that happens inside. But we can give you a few tips on how to clean up the mess a mess-up leaves in its trail. You see, that teshuvah feeling inside actually empowers you to clean up the mess. Here’s how:
Step One: Say it out loud.
How: At night, or sometime when you are alone, say out loud, “Dear G‑d, I am sorry for the sin I did in Your presence by [your sin goes here].” There’s a specific prayer for this in your prayerbook, called vidui, which we say on Yom Kippur. You can say vidui and add this line at any point.
Step Two: Fix up what you did
How: Apologize and compensate to whoever may have been affected by your mess-up. If at first they don’t forgive, keep trying until they get unreasonable.
Why: If your mess-up was something between you and somebody else, then it wouldn’t be fair for G‑d to forgive you without involving that somebody.
Step Three: Charity
How: Just give a lot more than you’re used to giving.
Why: A mess-up diminishes life; charity means to give life. Charity heals the world, and your soul as well.
Step Four: Move up in life
How: Compensate for whatever happened. Do better, act nicer, learn more.
Why: The mess-up event acts like inertia to drag you down. It has to be turned around into an incentive to pull you higher.
Teshuvah is powerful. Of course, we don't sin to do Teshuvah, but according to our sages, a sin can take you higher than all the mitzvahs could ever reach—if you do teshuvah out of love. Love for G‑d, for His Torah and for your precious soul.
I have hurt the person I love and she has broken up with me, it is very difficult for me to bring witnesses to apologize to her. I have apologized multiple times in person and recently wrote a letter via email to her apologizing again and wanting to make it up to her with my actions. She has not responded. I have also apologized to her parents for hurting them indirectly in this process as I have hurt their daughter. We live in different states and she has requested that I respect her space. Do I continue to try to send more apologies to her to complete Teshuvah? I will continue to work on myself, this is the second time she has broken up with me because I hurt her in the past and altough I did many things to make it up to her, it was a few things that hurt her again and she decided to end things. Right now I believe the best thing is to give her space, and I am learning Biblical Hebrew to get closer to G’d and repent for other sins. I want to become my best but also reconcile with her
can i just say - it seems she was not your wife or even engaged - already this is a problem unless you were both planning to get married.
This is why marriage is so important as this then comes into The good G-d's Love and things are better.
I would say if this has been a relationship without commitment to G-d then its a natural process of things that this has happened -
Only The good G-d can guide you now and it seems He has and is as you are studying Torah - but if the lady is not then its time to let go unless G-d has plans for this.
relationships are what they are in todays world as people don't include The good G-d and so anything without G-d will have problems.
But do remember - if you Believe in The good G-d and ask Him to resolve this and Trust Him then it will be good whatever might be the outcome
Shalom
We were not married or engaged, but were in the process of planning to do so. G'd was in our relationship, although there were religious differences, her being raised Christian and me being born Jewish. So we each had a different perspective and a relationship with G'd, but the commitment to G'd was there. We were both into studing G'ds word and wanting to live a life to glorify Him in our home. Our religious perspectives and some other items were creating tension & distrust. She has broken up with me twice, but now it seems like she truly does not think it will work out as she has completely ignored my apology letter and we are without contact. I have been asking G'd for repentance of my Sins, and everyday ask that he help resolve this situation. I just want to do my part, and not just sit around crying all day and victimizing myself. I want to do more than just pray if that makes sense. I want to become better. Thank you for your response and sharing your love with me. Shalom!
please understand any reply i give is from experience -
I was in similar situation sadly many times - each time The good G-d was the focus for both - but they were usually kristian with Jewish background and they simply cannot come to terms with the fact that their beliefs began in Judaism - and will lead them back there -
But can i tell you something that the answer to this is simple
If what was between you and her was from The good G-d and or G-d ordained then nothing and absolutely nothing could break that - If there was real Love there then you would be with her - Love cannot be broken and or separated against itself - FACT
It takes time but you will need to ask G-d to heal your wounds - learn and move on closer to Him.
Remember - circumstances don't make a person they reveal them
you have apologised and G-d does forgive all we have to do is ask.
This was a step in your journey and yes we hear this many times but this how this is
Shalom
i was married and hurt my wife - i asked for her to forgive but she would not - this had a hold on me - she used her unforgiveness as a tool to make me feel bad -
but then i was told by a prominent leader and genuine representative of The good G-d - and He said to me - why are you wanting her forgiveness - only The good G-d can Forgive - if you have His Forgiveness then that's all you need.
This set me free as i always see any hurt i do hurts The good G-d and so if He Forgives me then thats all i need.
Shalom