Question:

We were so excited about our wedding. We had picked a date that seemed perfect, but before we could plan any further, this coronavirus pandemic hit. Now we have a tough choice: to hold a small gathering of just very close family sooner, or postpone for who knows when and have the whole celebration. To me, both seem like second-best. How can I look at this positively when I won’t have the wedding I planned on the date I chose and with the guests I wanted?

Answer:

I have news for you. You never chose the date of your wedding. Nobody does.

A wedding is too holy for mere mortals to plan. It is already decreed in heaven whom you marry. It is also decreed in heaven when your wedding will take place and who will be there to share it with you.

We may think that we picked a date because it has some sentimental significance or because the hall was available that day. But that’s not so. It was the day you had to get married. That’s why the hall became available or why that day took on meaning. It was your day all along, picked for you by G‑d Himself.

Each day has its own personality, its singular energy and particular blessings. There is one day that is for you. You will always be led to choose it as your wedding day because it is. Sometimes, it takes a pandemic to move your wedding to the date it was meant to be.

The guest list is also Divinely ordained. Every person at your chuppah adds their soul energy—their particular aura and presence to the occasion. And only those who should be there will be there. We can never know why some people make it and some don’t. The right balance is created by having the perfect combination of souls for your chuppah. Sometimes, that’s a smaller crowd, sometimes bigger. But always right.

Getting married means believing that you have met the one G‑d made and who was meant for you. It also means believing that the date and the guest list are exactly right for you, too. Whether you do it smaller sooner or bigger later, it will be perfect.

But more than that, the wedding itself, while holy and beautiful, is just a day. Like any simcha, it is attached with great happiness and communal joy. Yet it is the day after the wedding that counts. And the day after that. And all the years that follow. That’s what really matters, and what all weddings, big or small, elaborate or homespun, have in common.

Mazal tov!