After I graduated from high school, things didn’t go the way I planned. As a perfectionist, I had a strong vision of how my life would turn out, and it disappointed and frequently frustrated me that so many things didn’t pan out the way I intended.

I started dating for marriage when I was pretty young. I dated “Yaakov,” someone I really liked. “This is it!” I thought. I already had my future mapped out as I was envisioning the exciting things coming next. This was the happy ending, almost like compensation for everything that hadn’t gone my way in the past year. But ultimately, that didn’t pan out either. My life once again turned, and it was not where I wanted it to go—or so it seemed. I was deeply disappointed; it was so hard.

Over the next few years, a string of challenges came my way. I was suddenly forced to face myself in many areas. See, as a perfectionist, I thought that I had life down pat. Work hard, get good grades, and you’ll do well. But in real life, it was different. As much as I tried, it wasn’t always up to me. The circumstances I faced weren’t things I could control. Like the fact that my college program was canceled or that I couldn’t find the job I wanted. You get the picture.

Looking back, I see that G‑d had a different plan, and it was all perfectly designed.

Over the course of those years, I was dating as well. Most of the men I went out with were clearly not for me. It was frustrating. “All I need is one,” I’d tell people. But in the back of my mind, it was hard to believe that would happen.

A few years later, “Yaakov” (the first guy I had dated) had an idea for me. “Yaakov says you know him,” I was told. “Who do I know?” I asked. But of course I knew Avigdor Schiffman! See, Avigdor was a childhood friend of mine; our moms were good friends, we grew up together, we climbed trees together! We had first met when we were a few months old.

When I was 8, we lost touch, as my family moved to Israel while Avigdor remained in the United States and grew up there. Years later, he ultimately made aliyah.

While studying in yeshivah, Avigdor met Yaakov, who worked there as a student mentor. Without knowing we had known each other years ago, Yaakov thought it would be a great idea for me and Avigdor to meet.

Right away, I knew I had to go out with Avigdor, if only to meet him again. It was too fascinating.

A few weeks later, Avigdor and I were engaged. It was a surprisingly smooth process—something that almost didn’t make sense to me since I was so used to things being more difficult. But nothing was random: me dating the first guy years ago, everything else that did or did not work out … G‑d clearly had this planned out.

Interestingly, the last Purim I spent in the United States as a young child, I “happened” to dress up as a bride. That same year, Avigdor dressed up as a gentleman. Someone snapped the shot of the “bride and groom.” Years later, the picture took on a whole new meaning.

It’s All About Timing

Why did no one else think of (re)introducing us? People kept on asking me that. Here’s the thing though: It wouldn’t have worked out a few years back. The many obstacles and challenges that I had to go through shaped me into who I am today. The person I was then is not the person I am now. Guess what? Avigdor changed as well! If we had met a few years (or even a few months) earlier, it would not have resulted in our marriage. G‑d has our storyline planned to perfection.

My father passed away a few months before I met Avigdor. Aside from the grief of losing a parent, I had been disappointed that my father would never meet my future husband.

But a few years ago, my father was at Yaakov’s wedding, who was part of our community. Avigdor was there as well, and they recognized each other from years before. They schmoozed for quite a while. My father came back home and told my mother how he had met Avigdor and spoken to him at length. He said he was very impressed with him. To me, this now means the world. My father met Avigdor as an adult and approved of him—something I had thought would be impossible now that my father is no longer with us. Avigdor got to meet my father as well, and they connected. I can’t describe how special my father was, but now Avigdor knows.

See, G‑d arranged that as well. It is all part of a bigger plan. We don’t always see how it will work out in the moment, and sometimes, even years later, we still don’t know. But given this, whenever I now feel that something isn’t going my way or is challenging, I try to anchor into this to restore my faith. Nothing is random; G‑d has a plan for us all.