Dear Rachel,

I really dislike my job and find it very draining. I come home exhausted and in a bad mood every day. I feel like I can’t leave because my husband and I need the money. I’d love to find something else to do, but I’m not sure I could make the same salary. What should I do?

Burned Out


Dear Awesome Woman,

I’m so sorry to hear that you dislike your job so much. And being drained is not a recipe for good health—not for our physical, spiritual, emotional or relationship health! Take to heart these words from the wise Torah sage, Rabbeinu Bachya ibn Pekuda:

Every person has a preference for a particular occupation or business over any other, as G‑d has implanted within his nature love and affection for it. The same is the case with other living creatures. He has implanted within the cat the instinct to catch mice, within the hawk the instinct to hunt the birds that are fit for it; similarly, you will find among human beings that different personalities and physiques are predisposed toward certain trades and occupations. Whoever discovers within his personality and nature an attraction to a particular trade, and his body is fit for it and can endure its difficulty, should pursue it and make it his means of earning a livelihood, accepting its sweetness and its bitterness. Let him not be discouraged if his income is denied him on occasion; rather, let him trust in G‑d, that He will provide him with his livelihood all his life.1

As you can see, G‑d does not want us to be miserable earning an income. In particular, G‑d has instilled in us, as our Creator, a certain attraction to a particular trade. Each job may have parts that we don’t enjoy—and accepting the sweetness and bitterness is part of our journey—however, having an affinity for the profession you’re in is extremely important.

Being in a job that we don’t enjoy affects our nervous system, and that, in turn, affects our health. It is a mitzvah to take care of our bodies because the body is a vessel for our soul. A sick and drained body is a poor vessel for the soul.

Judaism teaches that it is important to work to earn money, but also teaches that G‑d is the true source of our income. If G‑d is the one telling us to take care of our health and have a job that is attractive to our personality and nature, who are we to argue?

To create a new reality for yourself where you have a job that you love and one that energizes you rather than drains you, here are a few steps you can take:

Notice What Lights You Up

What situations, people and activities uplift your spirit, and fill you with a sense of energy and purpose? What kind of jobs do you feel attracted to? Right now, we’re not taking the big step of deciding what new profession or job to move into. With this “noticing,” you’re taking little steps to just explore what affects your body in a positive way. What learning style do you have? Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Tap into your body’s wisdom by becoming aware over the next few weeks of what brings a sense of expansion and lightness as opposed to what brings heaviness and dread.

  1. Jot this awareness down in a journal.
  2. What tiny steps can you take to explore the possibility of a new opportunity? Are there people to reach out to? Is part-time an option? What is the reality of working in that position? Perhaps throw out some questions on a group chat. Women are usually willing to give their opinions, and you may get some great information this way.
  3. Have a heart-to-heart with your husband by starting with your desire: “I’d love to find a new job. I can’t keep working at one that depletes my energy and one that I dislike so much. I’m exploring first by gathering information and seeing what opportunities there are in positions that may be healthier for me. And I’m aware of the money concern so I will do my best in keeping that in mind, also knowing that G‑d is involved in this process.”
  4. All big steps start with little ones. Have patience, trust in G‑d (eyes wide open for synchronicities and possibilities) and kindness towards yourself.

Put Your Trust in G‑d

Everything starts from within and radiates outward. Saying these affirmations (even if you don’t feel that they are true at the moment) will help you create positive movement in the direction you’d like to go, which is to find a new job that you enjoy: “G‑d is the One who provides. G‑d can give me a job that I love.”

Money is given to us directly from G‑d, just like manna was given directly to the Jews in the desert after they escaped Egypt. Our sustenance comes from Above and is connected to our faith. In fact, the Lubavitcher Rebbe recommends learning Shaar Habitachon (“Gate of Trust”) from Rabbeinu Bachya ibn Pekuda in order to solidify our faith, which in turn opens the channels for our livelihood.

The Jews in the desert had to trust that G‑d would provide for them every day. Leftover manna had to be discarded, or it would become wormy. And yet, they also had to go out of their tents to collect it; they had to put in some effort. What a balancing act—taking action yet having faith that G‑d will provide! G‑d expects us to walk this spiritual tightrope. In fact, for those who believed, their portion would fall right by their tents, while those who didn’t have such faith had to travel farther to collect theirs.

Words have a powerful effect on our emotions; they can even create our emotions. As you walk this tightrope, play in your head the mantra of empowering words. You will feel that effect in your body, and it will help you feel strong and brave as you explore new territory.

Recognize That Challenges Are Tests to Make us Stronger

In a letter to someone having financial challenges, the Rebbe explains:

When G‑d said to Abraham lech lecha, ordering him to leave his land, his birthplace and father’s house, it was very difficult for him to do so. Even to separate himself from one of the three attachments was difficult, not to mention all three together! Then Abraham was told to go to an unknown (to him) land (Canaan, later to become the Land of Israel), where, he was promised, he would become great, and a source of blessing for all. Yet, no sooner did he arrive there, a famine broke out with such severity that he had to leave at once and go to Egypt, which undoubtedly was with G‑d’s approval. Under these circumstances, one might have expected that Abraham could very seriously question Divine Providence, which seemed so inconsistent and contradictory. All the more so in view of what is written in Pirkei d’Rabbi Elazar that the famine affected only the land of Canaan and did not extend to any other land, which was clearly intended to test him. Yet not only did Abraham not complain, he did everything with joy and gladness of heart. Of course, it all turned out only as a test of his bitachon (‘trust’) in G‑d, for soon afterward, he was richly rewarded, and he returned to Canaan richly laden with cattle, silver and gold, as the Torah tells us. In reference to this experience of Abraham, the Midrash states that everything experienced by Abraham also happened to his children.

Look how confusing it must have been for Abraham! And yet, it was only a test of Abraham’s trust in G‑d, and he soon returned back with riches.

Tests don’t make sense to us because there is a spiritual realm from which these tests emerge, a world completely beyond the rational. We do, however, have the Torah’s wisdom to guide us.

The test in earning money is to make us stronger—to test our faith. When we earn money or get a stable paycheck every week, do we recognize that it is truly G‑d giving us that income? Or do we believe that it is our employee, a client or just our own efforts providing for us? It can certainly look so.

Right now, you are being tested. You have a job that earns you a good income and yet your body is affected. You are drained. How will you move forward? Can you rise to the challenge of leaning into G‑d by saying, “G‑d, I know you provide my family with money. I am miserable in the job I have now and would like to make a change. I am scared. Please guide me to a new job that I love—one that is healthier for me and one that earns a good income at the same time. Thank you.” Trust and faith, plus action, is a powerful formula.

I wish you much success in finding a job that fills you with energy. These steps of tapping into your creative potential and knowing that the same G‑d who provides the finances is the same G‑d desiring you to do something you love with the personality and talents you have will give you the strength to forge a new path.