Let’s talk about Moshiach.

No. Don’t walk the other way. Trust me, OK?

I’m here to talk about what we are all secretly afraid to say out loud.

Because the way you get over fears is byThe way you get over fears is by talking about them talking about them. You have to put them on the table, turn on the light, look at them when they’re not in the dark and then, and only then, can you dispose of them.

So I’m going to say it: I’m afraid of Moshiach.

I have always, and seemingly will always, hate change.

I like to get used to something and then really soak into it. I’ve never liked living outside of my comfort zone. Everyone says that’s how you grow; that’s the only way to progress. It’s definitely true, and I’ve seen the beautiful results in my own life. But I’m still not a fan of it.

Because it’s uncomfortable. Growth hurts. Every time you try something new, there are going to be moments in which you regret it. There will be moments you’re going to be holding back tears, trying to do something that seems beyond your capabilities. There will be awkward moments, accidental mistakes, unexpected frustrations—all things I traditionally like to avoid.

I like to know what’s coming. I know that I am at the top of my game when I can plan two to three steps in advance. Life is full of surprises already, and the more I can prepare and plan for, the happier I am.

Living in a world that hasn’t yet met Moshiach is all I know.

Is this life scary? Um, yes. Is our world often so full of pain that I can hardly bear it? Yes, so often. Do I spend my every morning praying for all that we still lack in this world? Yes, and the list only gets longer with time.

But despite all that, this life still feels safe. I know what to expect from myself and the world around me. It’s my comfort zone. I have dreams and aspirations that I don’t want to let go of, and at the end of the day, that’s the scariest thing; sometimes, I’m afraid that Moshiach will take that away from me.

Because what if, in this era of Moshiach, all we do is study Torah and are kind to each other? While that seems beautiful in theory, doesn’t it seem ... terrifying? What about all the things I haven’t yet had a chance to work on—like falling in love with the other half of my soul, or graduating from school and starting my career, or watching my baby grow up after working so hard to bring that child into the world? If all of these things come easily in the era of Moshiach, will I even notice it? Will I appreciate it?

I’ve learned in my lifetime that the harder you work for something, the sweeter the reward. I’ve experienced that in the most wonderful ways. The basic blueprint of our life here in exile is that struggle is where beauty is found.

What I’ve learned about Moshiach is that everything will be so much easier. We won’t make the wrong choices; we won’t suffer pain; we won’t struggle.

I want that life free of pain—filled with only beauty and the chasing of higher pursuits. But I’m also afraid. I can’t envision a life without struggle that is still a life with beauty.

Whenever something goes horribly wrong, that is when I most often hear people discussing Moshiach. Suddenly, when my world makes so little sense, I look for this supposed safe zone where nothing can ever hurt me.

Why don’t I search when I am happy? When I am in a space of contentment and joy?

Moshiach is an era that G‑d has been promising for all of time.

But the better question for me is where is my faith? Do I not trust that G‑d understands me in a way that is far more intense than the way I know myself? Do I trust that He knows what is best?

Isn’t that the only question I really need to answer to allow this fear to fall away?

I don’t want to not want Moshiach. I wantI don’t want to not want Moshiach to want Moshiach from the depths of my heart at every single moment—not just when things are going wrong.

Moshiach is not only a solution for our pain in this life. If that’s what I believe, then why would I risk upheaval for the sake of something that doesn’t affect me in this moment?

The key, I believe, is this: That’s not what Moshiach is.

That aspect of Moshiach coming is a side effect. Our world will have reached a place of such perfection that evil, hatred and pain will have no place in it.

But Moshiach is an era. An era that will last forever. An era when all of reality will find fulfillment in their purpose.

An era of purity, of goodness. An era in which everything we have ever worked on—piled upon centuries of work towards this moment—will overwhelm us in the feeling of victory.

I don’t know what it will feel like, and I’m still not sure what will happen to everything I dream about in this life, but I’m going to give this fear to G‑d, and wholeheartedly trust that Moshiach is the epitome of what our world needs and wants. And then, well, it will be good.