The Questions You Need to Ask Yourself Before Criticizing Another Person

No truer words were spoken about judging others, Chana. Sometimes we jump to conclusions before even thinking about a situation just for a moment, and our minds start labeling everything about a person or situation before we gather further information. I'm guilty of this and I try to go back and even to explain to the person, who I wrongly criticized in my mind what I've done. This is not an easy task, but most people who I've encountered were quite surprised to think I would take the time to explain the criticism that was churning inside of me. And most time, both of us end up laughing and speaking about the strange ways our minds sometimes turn over information about another. Reply

When doing voluntary policing we encountered squatters. My partner berated them for their unpleasant odour and I reminded him that if you are homeless and starving, where would one wash. This was many years ago. Now in South Africa, the country has insufficient water and electricity also for the rich. I reside in a flat above ground level. Water tanks were installed as there ise no water in the area; but during loadshedding (no electricity) there is also no water., because pumps cannot function Remember that one cannot flush toilets - health hazard if one is suffering Crohn's disease of acute diarrhoea. A 5 litre water container is insufficient for one flush - and the expense! In addition how can an elderly, incapacitated/ mobility impaired/ frail/ ill person carry these bottles up flights of stairs when elevators do not function, Yet the affluent parliamentary ministers are provided with FREE WATER, ELECTRICITY AND GENERATORS, South Africans constantly have no access to bathing. Reply

The Rebbe teachers us about being positive.
So we should turn the angry words around. Tell him we know how he feels. Living with a child that needs so much help, needs so much love.
This Torah portion on Noah we see the mirror that HaShem puts in front of us. TREAT EVERYONE WITH KINDNESS. Help them to put them in a better place. Chana Reply

Everybody’s needs in the family need to be considered not just the one parent. If the actions are inappropriate then they need to be dealt with not ignored or enabled if they are disturbing to the family system. They can be handled with care and understanding. Ignoring the behavior is not helpful Reply

Good vs Bad Jeanne, what you did is very commendable, and I applaud you for recognizing that it was circumstances that were preventing that individual from succeeding rather than his inability or attitude.
We should always help those less fortunate than us, for their sake, and for the good feeling it gives us.
However, we must never help to the extent where that person becomes dependent upon us thus preventing that person from achieving things on his own, and living life to the fullest.
Becoming an enabler is a selfish act satisfying the needs of the giver, rather than helping the recipient.
One has to be careful and draw the line where helping others may become harmful. Reply

I was teaching a young boy, who never completed homework and was ignored by the staff. When questioned, he told me that he had no stationery. During winter he attended school in a short sleeve shirt and explained that he had left his jacket in the car. He was a neglected child. I gave him a jersey and jacket from unclaimed, lost property and supplied him with stationery. As he was ostracised by his class, I would appoint him as chairman in our debates. I also gave him the main parts in the plays. I was told that he is living in England where he has joined an acting company and is achieving well. My point is that one should not judge others as the same as one's position. I am always aware of those from disadvantaged backgrounds so as to assist the unfortunates. Reply

Often what bothers us in other people is something we need to look at in ourselves. When one finger is pointing at someone else, three fingers are pointing back at you. Sometimes we need to ask, what about this person's behavior is troubling to me, and why? Reply

Reality If we would be as quick to compliment as we are to criticize, the world would be a better place.
If we would do unto others as we would want others to do unto us, the world would be a better place.
If we would put ourselves into someone else’s shoes, and try to understand what motivates them to do the things they do or not do, the world would be a better place.
If we understood ourselves, and took the responsibility of improving who we are, the world would be a better place.
If we gave of ourselves to strengthen others, the world would be a better place.
If we would leave our comfort zone to really understand other viewpoints, and then accept or reject them, the world would be a better place.

All the above “ifs” are so obtainable if one would not only do what’s in their best interests, but take on the responsibility of making the world a better place in which to live.
However, our first priority is survival, because without it none of the “ifs” could possibly come to fruition. Reply

Thank you Chana, thank you very much for reminding us who we are, and who is ABOVE all. Thank you for your wisdom to push us through our daily habits, our trespasses, our weakness.
And I would like to Thank you G-d who created you! Reply

Thank you for your (and Rashi's) wisdom. As someone who works with abused/neglected youth and foster parents who care for some of our neediest/problemmed children, it was good to read your insight regarding appreciation of those who care for disabled children. You remind me of my mother, z'l who never started our Friday night Shabbat meal until my father z'l and I brought home a homeless or otherwise needy person to celebrate the (of course kosher) Shabbat meal with us, after shul regardless of religion, race or ethnicity. (We lived in a very low socioeconomic neighborhood in Chicago, where we were the only Jewish people on the block but being an observant Jewish family was of importance regardless and finding needy people to be with our family didn't take much looking as Abba z'l and I walked home from the small orthodox synagogue Friday Mincha and Maarev service (thank G-d or there wouldn't have been a minyan!) Anyhow, you remind me of her... "Ayshet Chayeel". Thanks, Leon Reply

if one focuses on the golden Rule of universal Ethics and of all original Religions, it is the Light who is G.d who therefore and thereafter enlightens, protects, sustains, and guides one's existence and, that of the other; Shalom Reply

What a beautiful post! Thank you for being transparent and uplifting. I will be posting these questions in my home for myself and my family to refer to regularly. Reply

I have learned that listening IS more important than talking at times. I am not a patient person usually, but have learned that empathy and understanding, basic comparison, really comes when we "know" the whole story. It is not my place to judge, but I myself have been in positions where someone's understanding of my situation is much more helpful and appreciated than being simply "judged" by them. Reply

This is a reminder I need regularly. It is so easy to criticize and so hard to be discerning and compassionate and hold your tongue. Nicely done, Chana. Reply