First of all, congratulations! You are about to receive a new title, “mother-in-law,” and that honorific brings many joys in its wake, even if it includes a few minor (OK, major) adjustments.

Here are a few tools to help you over the bumpy bits of the new road you’ll be traveling!

1. Don’t buy into the stereotype.

There are many mothers and daughters-in-law who get along wonderfully. Expect to be one of them. Remember Ruth whose devotion to Naomi was unparalleled, and Moses who had a great relationship with his father-in-law. While it’s true that men are supposed to cleave to their wives, they are still not exempt from the mitzvah of honoring parents. Your new daughter-in-law is also obligated to honor her in-laws though not to the same extent as she must honor her own parents. Nevertheless, believe that you brought your son up right, and he will do right by you and make sure to include you in his new life.

2. Give altruistically.

When you were a new parent, your role was to give endlessly to your new baby. As the years went by, your son grew up and learned how to reciprocate your love and giving. Spend the first few years giving what you can to the new couple—emotionally or materially—without demanding anything in return, and they will learn to reciprocate your love, as long as you don’t make them feel beholden.

Read: What is Love?

3. Take things one day at a time.

As your relationship becomes better defined—and as your son and daughter-in-law become comfortable in their new relationship—boundaries will shift and dynamics will change as you all grow into your new roles. How the relationship is today doesn’t determine how it's going to be tomorrow.

4. Be grateful.

Life is dynamic and expecting things to stay the same is not realistic. This is a normal stage in your son’s life the same as learning to walk, talk and read. All of those made him more independent of you and were stepping stones to becoming his own person. (Believe me, you’d be more devastated if he weren’t taking this step!) Be grateful that you have lived to see this day and anticipate the changes to follow. When we know what to expect, it’s easier to accept.

Related article: Is Gratitude Different for the Faithful?

5. Be realistic.

While we all want our sons to marry someone kind, beautiful, rich and gracious, no one is perfect (not even your precious son). Everyone comes to marriage with flaws and baggage. Focus on the virtues of your new daughter-in-law and treat her as if she were a princess. Because she is a daughter of the King.

6. Expand your horizons.

I’m sure that before your son was born, you had other interests. This would be a good time to return to them or find new ones. Sign up for a Torah class that you always wanted to take, go on vacation, devote more time to your relationships with friends or to your other children.

7. Encourage your son to be a good husband.

Urge him to devote as much time as possible making his wife happy. It’s a general rule that a home is only as happy as the wife is. That’s why when the Mishnah (Yoma 1:1) talks about a wife, it calls her a home.

8. Strengthen your character.

Being a mother-in-law is a great way to work on your middot (character traits). Make an effort to keep your relationship with your daughter-in-law positive, without being pushy. Use this opportunity to strengthen your patience, restraint and goodwill.

9. Positive speech.

Never speak ill of your daughter-in-law or her family to your son (or to anyone else). Besides being forbidden speech, it causes discord between the couple. When there is harmony in marriage, the Shechina, G‑d’s female presence, rests between them, and there is blessing. (Sota 17a)

10. Pray.

Pray very hard, all the time. G‑d loves our prayers and uses them as a conduit for blessing and peace.

Wishing you much nachas in the years to come!