“What is bothering you?” You ask your child and wait for response. Or, “It seems like you are struggling with something,” you gently say to a friend.

She begins to expound on her issue and all the obstacles that stand in her way.

Or she begins to describe the bumps in her marriage, mixing in her parenting issues as well.

Maybe it is work-related, and she is feeling burnt out by an unsupportive boss.

And you have just the solution. You know theYour role isn’t to swoop in and save your mentee formula—the exact steps she could take to overcome her difficulties and reach her goal.

Resist the temptation to offer it. As a mentor, your role isn’t to swoop in and save your mentee, but to guide her to take responsibility for herself.

Rabbi Moshe Hecht, a Chabad emissary to Connecticut, once found himself facing mounting debt and community challenges. In desperation, he wrote a letter to the Rebbe, crying out Hatzileini, “Save me!”

The Rebbe responded: “Before you called to me, I already answered you.” I have already sent someone by the name of Rabbi Moshe Hecht. Get to know him, and he will save you.

The Rebbe believed that Rabbi Hecht was resourceful and had all the answers within him to come up with a solution.

Your mentee needs a mentor that believes in her. In her ability to come up with solutions, while having someone to be accountable to. (This is different than consulting when a client is specifically looking for a consultation on an area of expertise, such as marketing.)

Your child or friend knows herself best, and when pressed can come up with what she needs to succeed. Give her the space by asking her, “Well, what do you think you can do to improve things? When was there a time where this wasn’t a challenge for you?

At some point, you may brainstorm together and add some ideas of your own.

But give your child or friend a chance to think, to introspect and to try to analyze what she needs in order to reach her goals.

Let her save herself.

Self-Reflection: How much do you believe in your mentee?