Life goes on

I feel better, physically

Emotionally, I am extremely wobbly and vulnerable

I am moving on

Away from this brutal physical experience

Away from this traumatic emotional experience

I do feel lonely

I just wish someone would turn the clock back in time

I wish someone would make it all better for me

I just wish I would adjust to this new situation

As quickly as I got used to being pregnant

But it won’t happen

So . . .

I am going to pick up my boys from school today

For the first time in three weeks

I am going to put makeup on

For the first time in three weeks

I am getting dressed nicely

Ready to act normal, look good


Ready to put on an act for the world

Ready to project a healthy and happy picture of myself

Ready to embrace the world as I left it three weeks ago

A world which is so oblivious to my open wound

My inner longing

My inner pain

Every step toward normality is taking me away from my loss

Every step into this world is dragging me away from my reality

I don’t want to let go

I want to stay here

I want to stay connected to that Time

Because that time means my unborn child

That time means my shattered dream

But I need to move forward

I need to take baby steps

And take with me my feelings, still raw, still sad

So real, so palpable

I will be the only one aware of them

I will be the only one in touch with them

I will take them with me

They will accompany me for a while

They will be my friends

I will feel their presence

Sometimes more than others

I will welcome them like a good host welcomes the guests

I will look after them

I will let them be

I will let them go with the flow

I will respect them

I won’t allow anyone to hurt them

I will acknowledge them

Till the day . . . when they will become smoother



Replaced with others . . .

Because life goes on