In a wildly successful New York Times column, readers were taken along for the ride on the author’s quest to prove that it was possible to fall in love with literally anyone. The premise is quite simple: with a predetermined list of 36 pointed questions to ask a partner based on research from Arthur Aron, a psychologist at Stony Brook University, coupled with other exercises such as looking into each other’s eyes for four minutes straight, you could manipulate love for pretty much anyone.
Long story short for that columnist: it worked. Whether or not you should try it is your call.
Which got me thinking: If her premise really is true, it could probably work a second, third, and fourth time. If a couple are together and decide to “re-love” each other, it should work just as well, right?
Now, let’s say that’s also true. The real question is, what would make you want to do so? If you technically possess this magical power to fall in love and then re-fall again, what would motivate you to actually utilize it? Why bother to go through the trouble?
One word: commitment.
Passing Through the Treaty
In the Torah portion of Nitzavim, Moses’s farewell address is nearing its end. He’s about to pass the baton as the people stand poised to finally enter the Land. In this context, our parshah opens with these stirring words:
You are all standing this day before the L‑rd, your G‑d. The leaders of your tribes, your elders and your officers, every man of Israel… that you may enter the covenant of the L‑rd, your G‑d, and His oath, which the L‑rd, your G‑d, is making with you this day.1
Which day is Moshe referring to? The verse is silent, leaving it open to interpretation.
According to many classic commentaries,2 “this day” is an allusion to “the day of great judgement,”3 namely Rosh Hashanah, transforming this verse from a one-time message to our ancestors in the desert to an eternal one for all Jews. It’s obviously no coincidence that this parshah is always read just prior to Rosh Hashanah, further making the case that these words are not historical relics, but living instructions for how I, you, and everyone else ought to ready themselves for the great day just ahead.
So let’s take a closer look and see what the verse has in store for us. What should we know as we prepare for Rosh Hashanah?
The verse is very straightforward: We ought to all stand together and enter the covenant with G‑d.
But what is this “covenant with G‑d?” When was it made, who was it with, and what are its contents? And what does it mean to enter it prior to Rosh Hashanah? Why should entering this covenant be our focus now?
The Commitment of Two Lovers
When our people stood before G‑d at Sinai and accepted the Torah, G‑d made a covenant, a pact with us: You will be My nation. I will now and forever have a relationship with you.
From that moment on, we have been acting on that commitment. Every day, when we engage with our Judaism, learning Torah and doing mitzvot, we express our part of the relationship, and G‑d, in turn, connects with us.
Now, you might be wondering, why is this “covenant” so important? Why didn’t G‑d just give us the goods, tell us all, “I love you,” and that’s it? Our relationship with G‑d is rich, expansive, and deep. Why the treaty?
It is here that the mystics explain a remarkably insightful thing about love and relationships.
Sure, there’s so much in the Torah and its laws, teachings, morals, and values to keep our relationship with G‑d going. Yet, the reality is that sometimes, the relationship breaks down. You’re not interested, you’re tempted by other things foreign to your Judaism, and pretty soon, the once-beautiful relationship has been tarnished, or worse yet, entirely suffocated.
What then? Scream, “I love you G‑d,” even though you don’t? Maybe He’s not really loving you right now, either? After all, you’ve been neglecting Him for a while, so who says the relationship is still on?
Here’s where the treaty, the covenant comes in. Two lovers who really want their love and relationship to last, make sure to build in an insurance policy. At the onset of their relationship, when they’re dancing under the stars and staring into each other’s eyes, giddy with love, they maturely take the time to commit.
They tell each other, “No matter what, I will always love you. I will do whatever it takes to stay together. Nothing will get in between us. Even when I’m not feeling it, even when whatever it is that makes me swoon right now has vanished, I will remain committed to you. Why? Because I committed to do so. Because of our solemn, unbreakable treaty.”
G‑d did that with us. He took us under His Divine wings at Sinai and told us, “I will always love you. You are My cherished people, and no matter what happens, we remain deeply connected.”
Renewed Year, Renewed Commitment
It’s a New Year right up ahead. It’s a spiritually charged time. It’s time to recall our relationship with G‑d and remind ourselves, and—if it’s possible to even say—to remind G‑d, “We’re in this together.”
We’re in a committed relationship with G‑d whether we act on it or not. Right about now is a good time to start the “acting on it” part. You want a good Rosh Hashanah? A good new year ahead? Focus on your relationship with G‑d. It’s there, it’s alive, and it’s a loving one. So lean into that.
And remember that this trick applies to any relationship in life. You will love, you may even love deeply, and it will be enriching. It will fill your heart, expand your soul, and make you feel as if you can conquer the world together. And you can.
Together with that, be smart: underneath that rush of emotion and passion, plant a concrete bed of commitment, an ironclad treaty that anchors the feelings before they sway.4
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