Need a babysitter?

Before hiring one, there are a few halachic considerations to keep in mind.

From making sure we pay fairly and on time, to keeping our kosher kitchens intact, to following the laws of yichud (gender-based seclusion), these halachic guidelines create a clear framework that protects both families and babysitters while upholding Jewish law.

What Happens If I Cancel?

Halachically, you can’t back out of any commitment that someone else is relying on, even if it’s just a verbal commitment (with no contract signed)—unless the other person clearly didn’t expect the commitment to be fulfilled. This includes hiring someone to do a job for you. So once you hire a babysitter, you shouldn’t back out unless unforeseen circumstances force you to do so.1

If you cancel at the last minute (not due to unforeseen circumstances), you need to pay the babysitter the minimum wage2 for that time if they can prove that they declined other job offers to be available for you.3

If you canceled and they then managed to fill the slot with another job, they can’t compel you to pay, but you were wrong since you inconvenienced them by forcing them to look for another job.4

If they had no other offers and wouldn’t have earned anything during that time, you don’t owe them anything since there was no financial loss.5

All of the above applies only if there are no local customs regarding compensation for canceled babysitters (or other services). If there are local norms, then you should follow them.

How to Avoid Yichud

Perhaps one of the more challenging aspects of having a babysitter, especially when the children are slightly older, is yichud, the prohibition of having people of the opposite gender secluded together. So a female babysitter watching a boy over age nine or a male babysitter watching a girl over age three would be problematic. This generally applies to relatives (except siblings and parents and grandparents) as well, so an aunt watching a nephew or an uncle watching a niece would need to follow the age guidelines above.

To avoid violating the laws of yichud when employing a babysitter to look after children of the opposite gender, several solutions are available:

  1. Age Considerations: The laws of yichud apply only if the boy is nine or older or if the girl is three or older. So there is no problem with a male sitter watching a two year old or a female sitter with an eight year old.
  2. Presence of a “Shomer” (Guard): If other children between the ages of 6 and 9 are present, they can serve as "guards." During the day, one guard is sufficient, but at night, two are required. For example, a babysitter caring for a 10-year-old boy along with two children aged 6 to 9 does not pose a yichud issue, even at night.
  3. Visibility: If the babysitter is visible to passersby through windows facing a busy street, this also removes the yichud concern, as there is constant potential for observation.
  4. Neighbors or Husband: Having neighbors with keys check in periodically can mitigate concerns of yichud. Additionally, if the babysitter is married and her husband is in town, she can babysit without violating yichud.

If you need to drive the babysitter home very late at night, avoid any potential yichud situations by having someone of the same gender (e.g., the wife) drive the babysitter home.

Another potentially problematic scenario is having a babysitter while a parent of the opposite gender works from home since the parent and the babysitter may not be secluded together.

For more on the laws of yichud, see What You Need to Know About the Laws of “Yichud”.

How to Keep the Kitchen Kosher

If the babysitter isn’t Jewish, there are a few things to keep in mind to maintain your home's kosher status:

  • Non-Jews can’t cook for Jews unless a Jew lights the fire (bishul akum), as food cooked solely by a non-Jew can render both the food and cookware non-kosher.
  • Uncooked (non-mevushal) wine must also be inaccessible to non-Jews to prevent it from being handled and becoming non-kosher.
  • Non-Jewish helpers left unsupervised in the home could inadvertently cause kashrut violations, such as using non-kosher food or utensils, or mixing meat and milk.

There are several options to prevent kashrut concerns when a non-Jewish babysitter or helper is left alone at home:

  1. Simply limit or lock access to the kitchen.
  2. Implement a yotzei v'nichnas system, where you explicitly instruct the sitter not to use kitchen items and arrange for Jewish household members to make unannounced check-ins.
  3. Install monitored security cameras in the kitchen and inform the sitter of the surveillance.

Any of these systems work because the possibility of being caught prevents the sitter from mishandling kosher items.

If supervision is insufficient, restrict access to kosher-sensitive items like meat, dairy, bread or non-mevushal wine to prevent substitution with non-kosher food. Pots, pans, and ovens should also be secured to avoid their use for non-kosher food or mixing meat and dairy. You don’t have to lock everything; taping cabinets or disabling appliances (e.g., shutting off the oven) is good enough.

If you do need the caregiver to prepare hot food, speak to a rabbi since the halachah would depend on the type of food and other factors.

When Do We Need to Pay?

It’s a biblical mitzvah to pay our workers on time, so employers need to pay day workers by sunset of the day they finish their work and night workers by dawn following their shift.6

Although some people tend to be more relaxed about paying minors promptly, this mitzvah applies equally to paying minors.7 So make sure to pay your babysitters as soon as they complete their job.

There are, however, several exceptions to this rule:

  • If the babysitter is hired by the week, month, year, or for regular periods like "every Monday afternoon," the payment deadline becomes the end of the day or night of the agreed-upon pay period.8
  • If you lack funds to pay, you’re exempt from the mitzvah until you get the money.9 Once you have funds, you need to use them to pay your employee.10 While not required, it’s considered praiseworthy to borrow money to fulfill this mitzvah.11 Additionally, if you have only part of the owed amount, you should pay that portion immediately.12
  • If you agree before work begins that you’ll pay at a later time, you may delay payment until the agreed-up time.13

Ordinarily, you would only transgress this mitzvah if the employee specifically requests payment at the due time and you don’t pay. Additionally, if they agree at that time to be paid later, you wouldn’t transgress. However, many authorities note that when dealing with minors, their silence may stem from embarrassment and should not be interpreted as consent to postponed payment.14 Furthermore, according to many, a minor (defined as under bar or bat mitzvah) does not have the halachic capacity to waive their right to timely payment after the fact. So if you anticipate being unable to pay on time, the best course of action is to inform the babysitter before they start working.15

Can We Pay For Shabbat Babysitting?

It is forbidden for a Jew to be paid for work performed exclusively on Shabbat. So how do you compensate someone who watches your kids on Shabbat?

Combine with Weekday Work: Arrange for the babysitter to do additional work during the week, and pay them for both Shabbat and weekday tasks as one combined payment.16 Some hold that this extra work must not just be a perfunctory task but should be significant enough to warrant payment on its own.17

Inflated Fee for Preparations: Alternatively, some allow paying an inflated fee for preparations done before Shabbat, such as travel or setup, which includes the Shababat work.18

Give a Gift: Instead of payment, give the babysitter a gift.19 This may be in cash, so long as the rate of pay was not pre-negotiated,20 and both parties must understand it as a genuine gift.21