Naming a baby seems pretty basic—I mean, all parents do it, right? But if you think about it, it’s an awesome responsibility, since the name you choose will be attached to your child for the rest of their life.

This is especially true in the Jewish tradition, which teaches that the Hebrew name is a conduit through which G‑d provides the individual's vitality, energy and sustenance. The mystics go so far as to explain that the parents are granted a slight glimmer of Divine inspiration when selecting their children's names.1

Here are some of the basic laws and customs to keep in mind when choosing and giving a name.

When is the baby named?

Boys: Boys are usually named during the circumcision ceremony.2 If the child is unwell and can’t be circumcised on the eighth day, some may name the baby earlier, so consult your rabbi.

Girls: Girls are usually named during a brief prayer said when the Torah is read.3 If possible, the father is called up to the Torah, and after his aliyah is finished, the gabbai (officiant) recites a prayer for the welfare of the mother, followed by a prayer that includes the brand new name of the newborn girl.

The Torah is read several times a week (Monday, Thursday and twice on Shabbat) and on special days, such as Rosh Chodesh (the “new moon”). Some specifically wait until the Shabbat morning Torah reading, with others waiting even longer.4 Conversely, the Chabad custom is to name the baby at the earliest opportunity. The Rebbe explains that naming a Jewish child hastens the ultimate Redemption, so we try to do it at the earliest opportunity.5

Read: Why the Rush to Name Our Girl?

Who chooses the name?

A baby’s name is the exclusive domain of the parents, and no one (not even grandparents) should interfere.6

If your parents never gave you a Jewish name and you are now an adult, your Jewish name is your personal choice.

Read: I Was Never Given a Jewish Name

What if the parents can’t agree on a name?

In some communities the parents to alternate choosing names, and the custom varies as to whether the mother or the father goes first. If you do not have a tradition regarding this, the Rebbe writes that the default would be for the father to go first.7

The main thing, however, is not to fight over the matter. Some even say that discord between the parents can place the baby in spiritual danger.8 Thus it is important that the name be agreed upon by both (“who goes first” should be seen more as “suggestions”).9

Still at odds with each other? Consult your rabbi and commit that you’ll both follow whatever he advises.10

Do the parents need to be present?

There is no actual requirement that the parents be present when the name is given. It’s quite common for the mother, who is still recuperating, not to attend synagogue. The father may also not be able to get to services so soon after the birth. If that is the case, the parents should delegate the naming of their baby to someone who will attend services and will have the baby named on their behalf.

What are some examples of Jewish names?

See our extensive list of Jewish boys' names and Jewish girls' names. Be sure to also check out the right column, which includes many variations of each name. Of course, this list isn’t exhaustive. If you’re unsure whether a specific name is considered Jewish or is appropriate, run it by a competent rabbi.

Should we name after deceased relatives?

The Midrash recounts that although in earlier generations names would sometimes be given based on what was happening at the time of birth, nowadays the custom is to name children after their ancestors so that they remember their lineage.11 And when you name your child after your parent, you’re doing the mitzvah of honoring your father or mother.12

Read: When Did We Start Naming After Ancestors?

Can we name after someone who is still alive?

Among Sephardic Jews, it’s a great honor to have a grandchild named after you during your lifetime.13

Conversely, Ashkenazim avoid naming their children after living individuals, and if a close living relative already has the name of a deceased relative, they won't give that name to their child.14

Read: Can a Child Be Named After a Living Person?

Naming after the child’s own deceased parent

If the father or mother passed away before the baby was named, many have the custom of naming the baby after them.15

One caveat is that the baby should not be named after someone who has passed away but hasn’t yet been buried.16

Nameing after the righteous

The Midrash tells us to “name one’s child after a righteous person, for sometimes the name influences the person’s behavior and destiny.”17 The mystics also explain that a righteous person’s deeds affect all who are given their name. Thus, many have the custom of naming after upstanding deceased relatives and righteous Torah scholars.

Conversely, do not name your child after someone who was wicked, as the verse18 states, “The name of the wicked should rot [and not be remembered].”19 Additionally, since bearing someone's name can affect one’s character, take care to only name your child after fine, upstanding people.20 This includes not naming after less-than-stellar biblical characters.

Read: Why Were Famous Rabbis Named Ishmael?

Naming based on the calendar

Some people may choose names for their child based on the weekly Torah reading. For example, if the child is born during the weeks when we read the portion of Shemot, they may name their child Moshe, Aharon, Miriam, Yocheved, etc., reflecting the Parshah's subject.

Additionally, if a boy is born on Shabbat, some would choose the name "Shabtai."

For more on this, see Naming a Child According to the Calendar

Naming after one who died young

The custom is not to name a child after someone who died tragically at a young age.21 If you want to do so, consider altering the name slightly or incorporating an additional name as the child's first name.22 Alternatively, since the person who died young was presumably named after an earlier person with that name, you can call the child that name, having in mind the earlier person with that name (e.g. if the name was Abraham, you can have in mind that you are naming after our Patriarch Abraham).23

If, however, the person was martyred and killed while sanctifying G‑d’s name, which includes victims of the Holocaust or a terrorist attack, then it’s a great merit to name the child after that person.24

Can I change my name? And if yes, should I?

Technically, you can change or add to your name. But since your life energy is connected to your name, the Rebbe only advised to do so in the most extenuating circumstances (for example, if someone is gravely ill) and even then, only with the guidance of an expert rabbi.25

Read: Can a Change of Name Bring a Change of Destiny?

What if a mistake was made when giving the name?

Yes, things like this do happen. If you messed up, consult a rabbi ASAP.