A mourner is forbidden to eat at the feasts of either a circumcision, redemption of a firstborn, or completion of a Talmudic tractate, and especially a wedding feast, during the thirty days of mourning for a relative, and during the entire twelve months of mourning for his father or mother. (Even during a leap-year, twelve months are sufficient). However, in his own house, when there is a feast in honor of a mitzvah, he is permitted to participate. However with regard to a wedding feast. he should be strict [and abstain] even though it is celebrated at his own house, unless it is a wedding in which he is giving an orphaned groom or bride to marriage, and his lack of participation may cause the match to break off. In that case, he is permitted to eat even if the feast is held in another house. He may then also wear his Shabbos clothing after thirty days of mourning for his father or mother, or within thirty days of mourning for other relatives.


אָסוּר לֶאֱכוֹל בִּסְעוּדַת בְּרִית מִילָה אוֹ פִּדְיוֹן הַבֵּן וְסִיוּם מַסֶּכְתָּא וְכָל שֶׁכֵּן בִּסְעוּדַת נִשׂוּאִין כָּל שְׁלֹשִׁים עַל שְׁאָר קְרוֹבָיו, וְכָל שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ (וַאֲפִלּוּ בְּשָׁנָה מְעֻבֶּרֶת, סָגֵי בִּשְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ). וּבְתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ, אִם יֵשׁ סְעוּדַת מִצְוָה, מֻתָּר לוֹ לֶאֱכוֹל. אַךְ בִּסְעוּדַת נִשּׂוּאִין, יֵש לְהַחְמִיר אֲפִלּוּ בְּתוֹךְ בֵּיתוֹ, אִם לֹא כְּשֶׁהוּא מַשִּׂיא יָתוֹם אוֹ יְתוֹמָה, שֶׁאִם לֹא יֹאכַל שָׁם, יִתְבַּטֵּל הַמַּעֲשֶׂה, אָז מֻתָּר לוֹ לֶאֱכוֹל אֲפִלּוּ אֵינָהּ בְּבֵיתוֹ. וְגַם לִלְבּוֹשׁ בִּגְדֵי שַׁבָּת לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים וַאֲפִלּוּ עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, וְלִשְׁאָר קְרוֹבִים גַּם תּוֹךְ שְׁלֹשִׁים.


He is not permitted to invite others or to accept invitations from others. He may not send gifts to others, and others should not send gifts to him during the entire thirty days of mourning, or during the twelve months of mourning for his father or mother. Concerning Shabbos, it depends on the custom,1 see Chapter 210:8.


אֵינוֹ רַשַׁאי לְהַזְמִין אֲחֵרִים אוֹ לְהִזָּמֵן עִם אֲחֵרִים. לֹא יִשְׁלַח מָנוֹת לַאֲחֵרִים, וַאֲחֵרִים לֹא יִשְׁלְחוּ לוֹ, כָּל שְׁלֹשִׁים. וְהוּא הַדִּין כָּל שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ. וּבְשַׁבָּת, תַּלְיָא בְמִנְהָג דִּלְעֵיל סִימָן רי סָעִיף ח.


If a mourner has been asked to serve as either a Sandek or a Mohel, after the thirty days of mourning even for his father or mother, he may wear his Shabbos clothing until after the circumcision, and he may even partake of the feast.2


אָבֵל שֶׁהוּא סַנְדָּק אוֹ מוֹהֵל לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים (אֲפִלּוּ עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ), יִלְבַּשׁ בִּגְדֵי שַׁבָּת עַד לְאַחַר הַמִּילָה, וְיָכוֹל לֶאֱכוֹל גַּם בַּסְעוּדָה.


He is forbidden to enter a house where a wedding feast is being held, during the entire thirty days of mourning for a relative, or the twelve months of mourning for his father or mother, even to hear the berachos that are said there. However, during a wedding ceremony that is held in the court of the synagogue, where they are reciting, the berachos of betrothal and marriage, he is permitted to stand there and listen to the berachos after thirty days of mourning even for his father or mother. He is even permitted to recite the berachos, and may even act as best man to escort the bridegroom under the chupah. He may wear his Shabbos clothing, provided it is after the thirty days of mourning. However, he is not allowed to enter [the house or hall] to partake of the feast.3 Some Poskim are lenient, and even permit him to partake of the feast.


אָסוּר לִכָּנֵס לְבֵית נִשּׂוּאִין כָּל שְׁלֹשִׁים עַל שְׁאָר קְרוֹבִים, וּשְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ, אֲפִלּוּ לִשְׁמוֹעַ אֶת הַבְּרָכוֹת שֶׁמְּבָרְכִין שָׁם. אֲבָל בַּחֻפָּה שֶׁעוֹשִׂין בַּחֲצַר בֵּית הַכְּנֶסֶת וּמְבָרְכִין שָׁם בִּרְכַּת אֵרוּסִין וְנִשּׂוּאִין, מֻתָּר לַעֲמוֹד וְלִשְׁמוֹעַ אֶת הַבְּרָכוֹת לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים אֲפִלּוּ עַל אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ. וְגַם הוּא בְעַצְמוֹ יָכוֹל לְבָרֵךְ אֶת הַבְּרָכוֹת. וְגַם יָכוֹל לִהְיוֹת שׁוֹשְׁבִין לְהַכְנִיס אֶת הֶחָתָן תַּחַת הַחֻפָּה. וְיָכוֹל לִלְבּוֹשׁ בִּגְדֵי שַׁבָּת. וּבִלְבַד שֶׁיְהֵא לְאַחַר שְׁלֹשִׁים. אֲבָל לֹא יִכָּנֵס לֶאֱכוֹל עַל הַסְּעוּדָה. וְיֵשׁ מְקִלִּין גַּם לֶאֱכוֹל עַל הַסְעוּדָה.


A mourner may attend a wedding feast if he serves as a waiter. He may also eat in his own house of what is sent to him from the feast.


מֻתָּר לָאָבֵל לָלֶכֶת אֶל הַמִּשְׁתֶּה לְשַׁמֵּשׁ, וְאוֹכֵל בְּבֵיתוֹ מַה שֶׁשּׁוֹלְחִין לוֹ מִן הַסְּעוּדָה.