Kitzur Shulchan Aruch - Chapter 196: The Laws Of An Onein Regarding Weekdays, Shabbos And Yom Tov

When a person suffers the loss [death] of a relative for whom he is obligated to observe the ritual mourning,1 he is considered an onein until after the burial.2 An onein must avoid [all kinds of] levity, lest his conduct lead people to say that the deceased was a worthless person, and therefore he is not bothered about his burial, and his mourning, and is not concerned about his death. This is a tremendous disgrace to the deceased, and such a person is included among those "Who ridicule the poor." Rather he should manifest to all that he is distressed and concerned about the deceased and his burial. He should not eat in the room where the deceased lies, but in another room. If there is no other room, he should eat in his neighbor's house. If he has no neighbor, he should put up a partition in front of the deceased, that is at least ten tefachem high,3 and the open space below [the partition] should be less than three tefachim. It should be strong enough to resist the wind. If he has no material with which to make a partition, he should turn his face aside and eat. Under all circumstances, and even if he happens to be in another city, he should not have an elaborate meal, but only a simple snack, and he must not eat meat or drink wine.

An onein is exempt4 from all mitzvos of the Torah, even if it is not necessary for him to be occupied with the arrangements for the deceased, as he has others to do so in his behalf. Even if he wants to be stringent [and perform mitzvos] he is not permitted to do so,5 out of respect to the deceased.6 He should not say the berachah of Hamotzei on bread nor recite Birkas Hamazon after eating. Even if others eat and recite berachos, he should not respond Amein [to their berachos]. He cannot be included in a quorum of three for Birkas Hamazon, or in quorum of ten (a minyan) for prayers. However, prohibitory mitzvos, even those enacted by the Sages, are forbidden even to an onein. Therefore if he wants to eat bread, he must wash his hands, but he must not say the berachah, Al Netilas Yadayim, just as he must not say the Hamotzi. Regarding the washing of hands upon arising in the morning, he should wash his three times as customary but without saying the berachah.

If the onein had eaten before the burial, and after the burial, the food was not yet digested, he should say Birkas Hamazon. Similarly, if he had gone to the toilet before the burial, he should say the berachah, Asher Yatzar, at anytime during the whole day.

If the onein is in another city, and there are relatives in the city where the dead lies, and they too are obligated to observe the rules of mourning, then the one who is in the other city, is not considered an onein. However if there are no relatives where the dead lies, he assumes all the laws of an onein.

In a place where there is a Burial Society, after the relatives have made arrangements for the burial with the burial society and have come to terms with them, they have nothing further to do since the members of the Burial Society will do everthing. Then the relatives are not subject to the laws of onein, and they are permitted to eat meat and to drink wine. They are certainly permitted, even obligated, to recite Kerias Shema and Shemoneh Esrei, and to observe all the mitzvos. Nevertheless, it is customary for the oneinin not to pray until after the burial, because they too follow and accompany the deceased to the cemetery. If he [the onein] wishes to be stringent and pray immediately after handing over the deceased to the Burial Society, he may be stringent [and do so].

So long as the deceased is not buried, the onein does not remove his shoes, and is permitted to leave the house to make arrangements for the burial. However, he is forbidden to sit or sleep on a chair or bed. He is certainly forbidden to have marital relations. He is forbidden to bathe, to annoint himself, to participate in joyous events, to greet people, to have his hair cut, and to study Torah. He is forbidden to work, or even allow others to do work for him, even where a loss is involved. Where the loss would be substantial, he should consult a Poseik.

If a person is an onein, when it is time to recite Krias Shema7 and Shemoneh Esrei, and by the time the burial is finished, a fourth of the day will have passed, (which is the time limit for saying Krias Shema), he may say Kerias Shema and its berachos without Tefillin until the third of the day. If a third of the day had passed before the burial he may still say Kerias Shema, [but] without its berachos. [However] the prayer of Shemoneh Esrei may be said until midday; and the Musaph service of Rosh Chodesh may be said even later, for it may be said the entire day. Of the morning berachos he should say only three: "Who did not make me a gentile," "Who did not make me a slave," "Who not make me a woman." He should also say the berachos over the Torah as they may be said the entire day. The other berachos should not be said after their time has passed, since at the proper time, which is the morning, he was exempt. If the deceased was buried before a third of the day, and his house is far away from the cemetery, so that by the time he reaches his house, a third of the day will have passed, it is best that he should enter a house near the cemetery, to say Kerias Shema and Shemoneh Esrei, at the proper time, or he may do so even in the open in a clean place. As soon as they begin to throw earth on the body, he may recite the Kerias Shema and Shemoneh Esrei even though the period of mourning has not yet begun.8

If the death occured, and he became an onein after the time for the Shacharis prayers, or after the time for the Mincha or Maariv prayers, and he had not prayed before he became an onein, and he remained an onein until after the time of prayer had passed, nevertheless, he need not make up for them by reciting the Shemoneh Esrei twice in the next prayer.9

If death occurs on Shabbos, since it is forbidden to bury him on that day, the mourner is not restricted by the laws of onein, and is permitted to eat meat and to drink wine, He must fulfil all the mitzvos,10 except that of having marital relations which is forbidden to him. He is also forbidden to study Torah,11 because these two are private activities. If he is the Chazzan of the synagogue, and there is someone else to lead the prayers, he should not lead the prayers. If there is no one else, he may lead the prayers. If the deceased is his father or his mother, he may say the Kaddish, if there are no other mourners, but if there are other mourners, he should not say Kaddish before the burial.12 If the onein had already been in mourning for his father or his mother, or if he was observing Yahrtseit,13 he may recite Kaddish, as any other mourner or Yahrtseit observer.

Towards evening (Saturday night) he should say Kerias Shema without its berachos, but he does not pray Maariv, nor does he recite the Havdalah for Motzi Shabbos. He is permitted to eat without saying Havdalah. After the burial, he should say Havdalah with a cup of wine. Even if the burial is on Sunday, he may say Havdalah with a cup of wine, but without saying the berachos over the candle and the spices; because it is permitted to say Havdalah until Tuesday (as stated in Chapter 96 above). If he prays Shacharis before the time has passed for saying Havdalah, he need not say "Attah Chonantanu" in the Shemneh Esrei.

If towards evening it is necessary for the mourner to walk from his house to the Shabbos boundary line in order to go immediately after Shabbos to a place to attend to matters concerning the deceased, or if towards evening he needs to gather together the officers of the Burial Society to negotiate the price of the grave, then as soon as begins to walk and to engage in arrangements in behalf of the deceased, he becomes an onein.

If the death occured erev Shabbos before Minchah, when it was impossible to bury him before Shabbos, the mourner must even pray Minchah erev Shabbos.

If the death occured on the first day of Yom Tov, and the mourner wants to bury him on that day using the services of non-Jews, he immediately becomes subject to the laws of onein. This is certainly true when death occurs on the second day of Yom Tov, when the mourner himself is permitted to bury him. He immediately becomes subject to the laws of onein, even if he does not intend to bury him on that day.14

If his dead15 lies before him on the night of the second day of Yom Tov, when the custom of the community is to bury the deceased using the services of Jews, the mourner is subject to the laws of onein even at night. He therefore should not recite Kiddush, nor should he eat meat or drink wine.16 However, on the night of the first day of Yom Tov, or even on the night of the second day of Yom Tov, when the custom of the community is that even on the second day of Yom Tov, burial is made only through the services of non-Jews, the mourner is not subject to the laws of onein at night.

If one is an onein at the conclusion of Yom Tov, he may recite Havdalah on the day after [Yom Tov,] but not after that, because the proper time for Havdalah after Yom Tov, is only until the end of the day after Yom Tov.

If an onein has a son that must be circumcised, and it is possible to bury the deceased before the men leave the synagogue after the Shacharis prayers, those who are involved in the burial should first pray Shacharis, then bury the deceased, and the child is then circumcised. If that is impossible, the child should nevertheless be circumcised in the morning at the synagogue, and the sandeik17 should say the berachah, "Lehachniso," because circumcision has preference over burial.

If a person is an onein on the night of the fourteenth day of Nisan, he should appoint an agent to search for chametz, but he himself should recite, "Kol Chamirah.18

If a person is an onein on a night when the omer is counted, he should not count at night, rather on the following day after the burial, he should count the omer without a berachah. [However], on the following nights, he may count the omer with a berachah. If he sees during the day that he will retain the status of an onein until night, he may count the omer even while he is an onein but without a berachah, so that on the following nights he may count the omer with a berachah

If a man dies in prison, and the warden refuses to release the body for burial unless he is given a large sum of money, the relatives are not subject to the laws of onein, nor are they subject to the laws of mourning, since they have not despaired of being able to bury him and hope to reach an agreement with the warden. Likewise, if the relatives of the deceased are in prison, and are unable to tend the needs of the deceased [burial etc.] they are not subject to the laws of onein.

In countries where the law forbids burial of the dead until after forty-eight hours, nevertheless, the onein is still subject to the laws of onein. Since at the end of the forty-eight hours time limit, they will definitely bury him, they [the relatives] must in the meantime be occupied in the honor of the deceased; to prepare shrouds, and a coffin, and to engage men of the Burial Society. However, on the second day of Yom Tov, there is a leniency, and they may be exempt from the laws of onein, since it is impossible to bury the dead [anyway] because of the civil law.

In the above mentioned places, since the relatives are concerned that they may not find men to cleanse the body once forty-eight hours have passed since the death, and therefore they had the body cleansed immediately after death, and had it placed in a coffin having holes at the bottom; then in such a case, as soon as it is placed in the coffin, they are exempt from the laws of onein, and they begin to observe the laws of mourning. Nevertheless, they must count the seven days of mourning from the time the grave is closed.

If a death occured, and the relative is unaware of it, if there is no one else to arrange the burial, he should be told. If there are others to arrange the burial, he should not be told, until after he has concluded his prayers. If one's wife lost a relative, and she is unaware of it, the husband should be strict, and abstain from marital relations with her.