1

You must be extremely careful to honor and revere your father and mother for Scripture compares their honor and reverence to the honor and reverence you must have for the Almighty. It is written, "Honor your father and mother;"1 It is also written, "Honor Hashem with your substance."2 With regards to your father and mother it is written, "Every man must revere his mother and his father;"3 and it is written, "You shall fear Adonoy your God."4 Just as He commanded us to honor and fear His great Name so He commanded us to honor and revere them. Three partners share in the formation of man: The Holy One, Blessed is He, his father, and his mother. (The man contributes, the woman contributes, and the Holy One, Blessed is He, breathes a soul into him, endows him with eye sight, hearing and speech.) When man honors his father and mother, the Holy One, Blessed is He, says, "I account it to them as though I dwelt among them, and they honored Me."

א

צָרִיךְ לִזָּהֵר מְאֹד בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ וּבְמוֹרָאָם, שֶהִשְׁוָה אוֹתָן הַכָּתוּב לִכְבוֹדוֹ וּלְמוֹרָאוֹ, יִתְבָּרַךְ שְׁמוֹ. כְּתִיב, כַּבֵּד אֶת אָבִיךָ וְאֶת אִמֶּךָ. וּכְתִיב, כַּבֵּד אֶת ה' מֵהוֹנֶךָ. בְּאָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ כְּתִיב, אִישׁ אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו תִּירָאוּ. וּכְתִיב, אֶת ה' אֱלֹהֶיךָ תִּירָא. כְּדֶרֶךְ שֶׁצִוָּה עַל כִּבּוּד שְׁמוֹ הַגָּדוֹל וּמוֹרָאוֹ, כֵּן צִוָּה עַל כִּבּוּדָם וּמוֹרָאָם. שְׁלשָׁה שֻׁתָּפִין הֵם בָּאָדָם, הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא וְאָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ. (אִישׁ מַזְרִיעַ לֹבֶן שֶׁבּוֹ, אִשָּׁה מַזְרַעַת אֹדֶם שֶׁבּוֹ, וְהַקָּדושׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא נוֹפֵחַ בּוֹ נְשָׁמָה, מַרְאֵה עַיִן, וּשְׁמִיעַת אֹזֶן, וְדִבּוּר) בִּזְמַן שֶׁאָדָם מְכַבֵּד אֶת אָבִיו וְאֶת אִמּוֹ, אוֹמֵר הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא, מַעֲלֶה אֲנִי עֲלֵיכֶם, כְאִלּוּ דַרְתִּי בֵּינֵיהֶם וְכִבְּדוּנִי.

2

How are they to be revered? You must not occupy his [your father's] designated place in the council of elders and with his friends, or the designated place in which he prays, and you must not sit in his designated place at his dining table. You must not contradict his words, or even corroborate his words in his presence, even to say "Father is right." To what extent must you revere them? If you were dressed in costly clothing and presiding over the assembly and your father or mother came and tore your clothing, struck you on the head and spat in your face, you must not embarrass them, or show distress in their presence or anger towards them; but you must be silent and fear the King who is King of Kings, the Holy One, Blesed is He, Who so commanded.5 But you may summon them to Beis Din for the damages they inflicted on you.

ב

אֵיזֶהוּ מוֹרָא. לֹא יַעֲמֹד בִּמְקוֹמוֹ הַמְיֻחָס לוֹ לַעֲמֹד שָׁם בְּסוֹד זְקֵנִים עִם חֲבֵרָיו אוֹ מָקוֹם הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לְהִתְפַּלֵּל, וְלֹא יֵשֵׁב בְּמָקוֹם הַמְיֻחָד לוֹ לְהָסֵב בְּבֵיתוֹ, וְלֹא יִסְתֹּר אֶת דְּבָרָיו, וְלֹא יַכְרִיעַ אֶת דְּבָרָיו בְּפָנָיו, אֲפִלּו לוֹמַר, נִרְאִין דִּבְרֵי אַבָּא. עַד הֵיכָן מוֹרָאָם. הַיָה הַבֵּן לָבוּשׁ חֲמוּדוֹת וְיושֵׁב בְּרֹאשׁ הַקָּהָל, וּבָאוּ אָבִיו אוֹ אִמוֹ וְקָרְעוּ אֶת בְּגָדָיו, וְהִכּוּהוּ עַל רִאשׁוֹ, וְיָרְקוּ בְפָנָיו, לֹא יַכְלִים אוֹתָם וְלֹא יְצַעֵר בִּפְנֵיהֶם וְלֹא יִכְעַס כְּנֶגְדָּם, אֶלָּא יִשְׁתֹּק וְיִירָא מִמֶּלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים הַקָּדוֹשׁ בָּרוּךְ הוּא שֶׁצִּוָּה בְּכָךְ. אֲבָל יָכוֹל לִתְבֹּעַ אוֹתָם לַדִּין עַל הַהֶפְסֵד.

3

How are they to be honored? You should provide them with food and drink, with clothing and shelter, escort them to their home and escort them from their home. You must provide these services cheerfully, for even if you provide them daily with choice poultry but do so with ill grace you will incur Divine punishment.

ג

אֵיזֶהוּ כָבוֹד? מַאֲכִילוֹ וּמַשְׁקֵהוּ, מַלְבִּישׁ וּמְכַסֶּה, מַכְנִיס וּמוֹצִיא (וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן לד סָעִיף ו). וְּיִתְּנֶנוּ לוֹ בְסֵבֶר פָּנִים יָפוֹת. שֶׁאֲפִלוּ מַאֲכִילוֹ בְּכָל יוֹם פְּטוּמוֹת, וְהֶרְאָה לוֹ פָּנִים זוֹעֲפוֹת, נֶעֱנָשׁ עָלָיו.

4

If your father or mother is asleep and the key to your store is under their pillow, it is forbidden to awaken them even if it means losing a large profit. However, if your father would profit by being awakened and if not awakened will be distressed by the loss of profit, it is a mitzvah to wake him since that will make him happy Likewise, it is a mitzvah to waken him to go to the synagogue or to perform any other mitzvah because everyone is obligated to honor the Holy One, Blessed is He.

ד

הָיוּ אָבִיו אוֹ אִמּוֹ יְשֵׁנִים וּמַפְתֵּחַ חֲנוּתוֹ שֶׁל הַבֵּן תַּחַת רָאשֵׁיהֶם, אָסוּר לַהֲקִיצָם מִשְּׁנָתָם, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיַפְסִיד רֶוַח הַרְבֵּה. אֲבָל אִם יַגִּיעַ רֶוָח לְאָבִיו אִם יְקִיצוֹ, וְאִם לֹא יְקִיצוֹ יִצְטַעֵר עַל מְנִיעַת הָרֶוַח, מִצְוָה לַהֲקִיצוֹ, כֵּיוָן שֶיִשְׂמַח בָּזֶה. וְכֵן מִצְוָה לַהֲקִיצוֹ לָלֶכֶת לְבֵית הַכְּנֶסֶת אוֹ לִשְׁאָר דְּבַר מִצְוָה, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁכֻּלָּם חַיָבִים בִּכְבוֹד הַמָּקוֹם בָּרוּךְ הוּא (חיי"א בשם ספר חסידים).

5

If you need a favor from the townsmen and you know they will grant your wish for your father's sake, even though you know that they would also do it for your sake, you should not say, "Do it for my sake," but rather, "Do it for me for my father's sake," in order to attribute the honor to your father.

ה

הָיָה צָרִיךְ לְאֵיזֶה דָבָר בָּעִיר, וְיוֹדֵעַ שֶׁיַשְׁלִימוּ חֶפְצוֹ בִּשְׁבִיל אָבִיו, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁיוֹדֵעַ שֶׁגַּם בִּשְׁבִילוֹ יַעֲשׂוּהוּ לוֹ, לֹא יֹאמַר, עֲשׂוּ לִי בִּשְבִילִי, אֶלָּא יֹאמַר, עֲשׂוּ לִי בִּשְׁבִיל אַבָּא, כְּדֵי לִתְלוֹת הַכָּבוֹד בְּאָבִיו.

6

If you did something your mother told you to do and subsequently your father asks you, "Who told you to do this?" and you sense that if you said your mother told you, your father will be angry at your mother, you must not say to him that your mother told you to do it, even though as a result, your father will be angry with you.

ו

אָמְרָה לוֹ אִמּוֹ, עֲשֵׂה זֹאת וְעָשָׂה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ בָּא אָבִיו וְשָׁאַל אוֹתוֹ, מִי אָמַר לְךָ לַעֲשׂוֹת זֹאת. וְהוּא מַרְגִישׁ, שֶׁאִם יֹאמַר שֶׁאִמּוֹ אָמְרָה לּוֹ, יִכְעַס אָבִיו עַל אִמּוֹ, אַל יֹאמַר לוֹ שֶׁאִמּוֹ אָמְרָה לוֹ לַעֲשׂוֹת הַדָּבָר, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁעַל יְדֵי כֵן יִכְעַס הָאָב עָלָיו (חַיֵּי אָדָם בשם ספר חסידים)

7

You must stand up in the presence of your father and your mother.

ז

חַיָב לַעֲמֹד בִפְנֵי אָבִיו וּבִפְנֵי אִמוֹ.

8

You must honor your parents even after their death. If you mention them within twelve months after their passing, whether you do so orally or in writing you should say or write, "May I be an atonement in his stead" (i.e., I take (accept) upon myself all the evil [punishment] that would be inflicted upon his soul), or may I be an atonement in her stead. After twelve months have transpired (since he would have already received any punishment due him, for [even] the judgement in Gehinom of the wicked of Israel does not exceed twelve months), you should say or write, "May his memory be a blessing in the life of the World to Come" or "May her memory be a blessing in the life of the World to Come."

ח

חַיָב לְכַבְּדָם גַּם לְאַחַר מוֹתָם. וְאִם מַזְכִּרָם בְּתוֹךְ שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ בַּפֶּה אוֹ בַכְּתָב, אוֹמֵר אוֹ כּוֹתֵב, הֲרֵינִי כַּפָּרַת מִשְׁכָּבוֹ (פֵּרוּשׁ, עָלַי יְהֵא כָּל רַע הָרָאוּי לָבוֹא עַל נַפְשׁוֹ) אוֹ מִשְׁכָּבָהּ. וּלְאַחַר שְׁנֵים עָשָׂר חֹדֶשׁ (כְּבָר קִבֵּל מַה שֶׁקִּבֵּל, שֶאֵין מִשְׁפַּט רִשְׁעֵי יִשְֹרָאֵל בַּגֵּהִנֹם אֶלָּא י"ב חֹדֶשׁ) אוֹמֵר אוֹ כוֹתֵב, זִכְרוֹנוֹ לִבְרָכָה לְחַיֵי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא אוֹ זִכְרונָהּ לִבְרָכָה לְחַיֵי הָעוֹלָם הַבָּא (וְעַיֵּן לְעֵיל סִימָן כו סָעִיף כב).

9

Even if your father is wicked and a sinner you must honor and fear him.6 Even a bastard is obligated to honor and fear his father. Others say7 you need not honor your father, if he is wicked, so long as he did not repent, but you are forbidden to cause him grief. You should be stringent and follow the first opinion.

ט

אֲפִלּוּ אָבִיו רָשָׁע וּבַעַל עֲבֵרוֹת, מְכַבְּדוֹ וּמִתְיָרֵא מִמֶּנוּ. וַאֲפִלּוּ מַמְזֵר, חַיָב בִּכְבוֹד אָבִיו וּמוֹרָאוֹ. וְיֵשׁ אוֹמְרִים, דְאֵינוֹ מְחֻיָב לְכַבֵּד אָבִיו רָשָׁע כָּל זְמַן שֶׁלֹּא עָשָׂה תְּשׁוּבָה. וְאַךְ לְצַעֲרוֹ, אָסוּר. וְיֵשׁ לְהַחְמִיר כַּסְּבָרָה הָראשוֹנָה.

10

If you see your father transgress a Scriptural [Torah] Law, you must not say to him, "You transgressed a Scriptural [Torah] Law." Rather say to him, "Father, is such and such not written in the Torah," as though you are asking him a question and not as though you are admonishing him. Your father will then himself realize [his error] and thus will not be humiliated.

י

רָאָה לְאָבִיו שֶׁעוֹבֵר עַל דִבְרֵי תוֹרָה, לֹא יֹאמַר לוֹ, עָבַרְתָּ עַל דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה, אֶלָּא יֹאמַר לוֹ, אַבָּא, כְּתִיב בַּתּוֹרָה כָּךְ וְכָךְ, כְּאִלּוּ הוּא שׁוֹאֵל מִמֶּנוּ, וְלֹא כְּמַזְהִירוֹ, וְהָאָב יָבִין מֵעַצְמוֹ וְלֹא יִתְבַּיֵשׁ.

11

If your father told you to transgress a Scriptural Law whether it be a positive or negative command or even a Rabbinical injunction, you must not obey him, for it is written, "Every man shall revere his mother and father and you shall preserve My Shabbos, I am Adonoy your God."8 Shabbos is positioned in the same verse [that instructs you to fear] your father and mother to teach: "Even though I command you to fear your father and mother, if your parent tells you to desecrate the Shabbos you must not listen to him. This is true for all the mitzvos. [For] I am Adonoy your God. Both you and your father are bound to honor Me. You must therefore not listen to him to disregard My word." Rabbinical injunctions are also the commands of Hashem, Blessed be His Name, as it is written, "You shall not turn aside," etc. If your father told you not to speak to a certain person, and not to forgive him; but you would like to be reconciled; you should not be concerned with your father's order, as you are forbidden to hate any Jew unless you see him commit a sin. Thus your father has ordered you to transgress a law of the Torah.

יא

אָמַר לוֹ אָבִיו לַעֲבֹר עַל דִּבְרֵי תוֹרָה, בֵּין עַל מִצְוַת עֲשֵׂה בֵּין עַל מִצְוַת לֹא תַעֲשֶׂה, אֲפִלּוּ עַל מִצְוָה שֶל דִּבְרֵיהֶם, לֹא יִשְׁמַע לוֹ, דִּכְתִיב, אִישׁ אִמּוֹ וְאָבִיו תִּירָאוֹ וְאֶת שַׁבְּתוֹתַי תִּשְׁמֹרוּ אֲנִי ה' אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, סָמַךְ שַׁבָּת לְמוֹרָא אָב וָאֵם, לוֹמַר, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁהִזְהַרְתִּיךָ עַל מוֹרָא אָב וָאֵם, אִם אָמַר לְךָ חַלֵּל אֶת הַשַׁבָּת, אַל תִּשְׁמַע לוֹ. וְכֵן בִּשְׁאָר כָּל הַמִצְוֹת. אֲנִי ה' אֱלֹהֵיכֶם, אַתָּה וְאָבִיךָ חַיָבִים בִּכְבוֹדִי. לְפִיכָךְ לֹא תִשְׁמַע לוֹ לְבַטֵּל אֶת דְּבָרָי. וְגַם מִצְוֹת דְּרַבָּנָן, דִּבְרֵי הַשֵׁם יִתְבָּרַךְ שְׁמוֹ הֵן, דִּכְתִיב, לֹא תָסוּר וְגוֹ'. אָמַר לוֹ אָבִיו, שֶׁלֹּא יְדַבֵּר עִם פְּלוֹנִי וְשֶׁלֹּא יִמְחוֹל לוֹ, וְהַבֵּן הָיָה רוֹצֶה לְהִתְפַּיֵס, אֵין לוֹ לָחוּשׁ לִפְקֻדַּת אָבִיו, כִּי אָסוּר לִשְׂנֹא שׁוּם יְהוּדִי אִם לֹא כְּשֶׁרוֹאֵהוּ שֶהוּא עוֹבֵר עֲבֵרָה, וְנִמְצָא שֶהָאָב צִוָּהוּ לַעֲבוֹר עַל דִבְרֵי תוֹרָה.

12

If you want to go to a certain place to study Torah because there you will accomplish more than you will here, and your father disapproves for some reason, you do not have to listen to your father, for learning Torah is greater than the precept of honoring father and mother. (Similarly, we find that when our father Yaakov, peace unto him, went away from [his father] Yitzchok, he secreted himself in the Beis Midrash of Eiver for 14 years and immersed himself in Torah study. Afterwards, he went to Lavan's house and stayed away twenty two years, including journey time. He was punished for the twenty two years during which he did not fulfill the mitzvah of honoring his father, and Joseph's whereabouts was concealed from Him for twenty-two years, but for the fournteen years during which he studied Torah, he was not punished.) If the son wishes to get married and the father disapproves he need not listen to him.

יב

אִם הַבֵּן רוֹצֶה לָלֶכֶת לְאֵיזֶה מָקוֹם לִלְמֹד תּוֹרָה, מִפְּנֵי שֶׁשָּׁם תִּהְיֶה לוֹ תּוֹעֶלֶת יוֹתֵר מִבְּכָאן, וְהָאָב מוֹחֶה בְיָדוֹ מֵאֵיזֶה טַעַם, אֵינוֹ חַיָב לִשְׁמֹעַ לְאָבִיו, דְּתַלְמוּד תּוֹרָה גָּדוֹל מִכִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, (כִּדְמָצִינוּ בְּיַעֲקֹב אָבִינוּ עָלָיו הַשָׁלוֹם, כְּשֶׁהָלַךְ מִיִצְחָק, נִטְמַן בְּבֵית הַמִּדְרָשׁ שֶל עֵבֶר אַרְבַּע עֶשְׂרֵה שָׁנָה וְעָסַק בַּתּוֹרָה, וְאַחַר כָּךְ הָלַךְ לְבֵית לָבָן וְנִשְׁתָּהָה שָׁם וּבַדֶּרֶךְ עֶשְׂרִים וּשְׁתַּיִם שָׁנָה, וְנֶעֱנַשׁ עַל אֵלּוּ עֶשְׂרִים וּשְׁתַּיִם שָׁנָה, שֶׁלֹּא קִיֵם כִּבּוּד אָב, וְנֶעְלַם מִמֶּנוּ יוֹסֵף עֶשְׂרִים וּשְׁתַּיִם שָׁנָה. וְעַל אֵלּוּ אַרְבַּע עֶשְׂרֵה שָׁנָה שֶׁעָסַק בַּתּוֹרָה, לֹא נֶעֱנָשׁ). וְכֵן אִם הַבֵּן רוֹצֶה לִשָׂא אִשָׁה, וְהָאָב אֵינוֹ מִתְרַצֶה, אֵין הַבֵּן חַיָב לִשְׁמֹעַ לוֹ.

13

Both men and women are obligated to respect their father and mother. However, a married woman owes her devotion to her husband and is thus exempt from honoring her father and mother. But if her husband has no objection, she is obligated to honor them as much as possible.

יג

אֶחָד הַאִישׁ וְאֶחָד הָאִשָׁה, חַיָבִים בְּכִבּוּד אָב וָאֵם, אֶלָּא שֶׁהָאִשָׁה הַנְּשׂוּאָה לְבַעַל, כֵּיוָן שֶהִיא מְשֻׁעְבֶּדֶת לַבַּעַל, לְפִיכָךְ הִיא פְּטוּרָה מִכִּבּוּד אָב וָאֵם. וְאַךְ אִם בַּעְלָה אֵינוֹ מַקְפִּיד עָלֶיהָ, מְחֻיֶבֶת בְּכָל דָּבָר שֶׁאֶפְשָר לָהּ.

14

Whoever disgraces his father or mother even by words or gesture is among those whom the Almighty has cursed. As it said,9 "Cursed is one who disgraces his father or mother."

יד

כָּל הַמְבַזֶה אָבִיו אוֹ אִמוֹ, וַאֲפִלוּ בִּדְבָרִים, וַאֲפִילוּ בִרְמִיזָה, הֲרֵי זֶה בִּכְלַל אָרוּר מִפִּי הַגְּבוּרָה, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר, אָרוּר מַקְּלֶה אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ.

15

If your parent has a splinter you should not remove it for you might thereby make a wound (which is a prohibition punishable by strangulation). Also, if the son is a doctor, he may not bleed them and may not perform surgery on them, even though his intent is to cure them. This is true only when someone else can do it. But if no one else is available to do it, and they are suffering, he may bleed them and operate, as is required for healing.

טו

הָיָה קוֹץ תָּחוּב לְאָבִיו אוֹ לְאִמּוֹ, לֹא יוֹצִיאֶנוּ, שֶׁמָּא יַעֲשֶׂה בָּהֶם חַבּוּרָה, (שֶׁהוּא בְּאִסּוּר חִיוּב חֶנֶק). וְכֵן אִם הַבֵּן הוּא רוֹפֵא, לֹא יַקִּיז לָהֶם דָּם, וְלֹא יַחְתֹּךְ בָּהֶם אֵבֶר, אַף עַל פִּי שֶהוּא מְכַוֵן לִרְפוּאָה. בַּמֶּה דְּבָרִים אֲמוּרִים, כְּשֶׁיֵשׁ אַחֵר לַעֲשׂוֹת. אֲבָל אִם אֵין שָׁם אַחֵר לַעֲשׂוֹת וְהֵן מִצְטַעֲרִין, הֲרֵי הוּא מַקִּיז וְחוֹתֵךְ כְּפִי צֹרֶךְ הָרְפוּאָה.

16

If senility or insanity should effect the mind of your father or mother, you should try to deal with them in accordance with their mental status until Hashem will have mercy on them. But if it is impossible for you to endure because of their severe retardation, you may leave them, and delegate others to take proper care of them.

טז

מִי שֶׁנִטְרְפָה דַעְתּוֹ שֶׁל אָבִיו אוֹ שֶׁל אִמּוֹ, מִשְׁתַּדֵּל לִנְהֹג עִמָּהֶם כְּפִי דַעְתָּם, עַד שֶׁיְרַחֵם ה' עֲלֵיהֶם. וְאִם אִי אֶפְשָׁר לוֹ לַעֲמֹד מִפְּנֵי שֶׁנִשְׁתַּטּוּ בְיוֹתֵר, יַנִּיחֵם וְיֵלֶךְ לוֹ וִיצַוֶּה לַאֲחֵרִים, לְהַנְהִיגָם כָּרָאוּי לָהֶם.

17

It is forbidden to place a burdensome yoke on your children, and be exacting in demanding honor from them, so as not to cause them to sin. You should rather forgive them, and overlook things, for if a father waives his honor his honor is waived.10

יז

אָסוּר לְאָדָם לְהַכְבִּיד עֻלוֹ עַל בָּנָיו וּלְדַקְדֵּק בִּכְבוֹדוֹ עִמָּהֶם, שֶׁלֹּא יְבִיאֵם לִידֵי מִכְשׁוֹל, אֶלָּא יִמְחוֹל וְיַעְלִים עֵינָיו מֵהֶם. שֶׁהָאָב שֶׁמָּחַל עַל כְּבוֹדוֹ, כְּבוֹדוֹ מָחוּל.

18

It is forbidden to hit your grown up son. Grown up, in this context, does not refer to age but on the nature of your son. If there is reason to believe he will attack you either verbally or physically, even if he is not yet Bar Mitzvah, you are forbidden to hit him.11 Instead you should admonish him with words. Anyone who hits his grown up son is to be excommunicated12 for he transgresses the Divine Command, "Do not place a stumbling block before the blind."13

יח

אָסוּר לְהַכּוֹת אֶת בְּנוֹ הַגָדוֹל. וְאֵין גַּדְלוּת זוֹ תְּלוּיָה בְּשָׁנִים, אֶלָּא הַכֹּל לְפִי טִבְעוֹ שֶׁל הַבֵּן, כֹּל שֶׁיֵשׁ לָחוּשׁ שֶׁיַתְרִיס כְּנֶגְדּוֹ בְּדִבּוּר אוֹ בְמַעֲשֶׂה, אֲפִלּוּ אֵינוֹ בַר מִצְוָה, אָסוּר לְהַכּוֹתוֹ, אֶלָּא יוֹכִיחוֹ בִדְבָרִים. וְכָל הַמַּכֶּה אֶת בְּנוֹ הַגָדוֹל, מְנַדִּין אוֹתוֹ, שֶׁהֲרֵי הוּא עוֹבֵר עַל לִפְנֵי עִוֵּר לֹא תִתֵּן מִכְשׁוֹל.

19

You must honor your father's wife even though she is not your mother, so long as your father is alive. You are also obligated to honor your mother's husband during your mother's lifetime, and it is proper to honor them even after the passing of your father or mother.

יט

חַיָב אָדָם לְכַבֵּד אֵשֶׁת אָבִיו, אַף עַל פִּי שֶׁאֵינָהּ אִמּוֹ, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁאָבִיו קַיָם. וְכֵן חַיָב לְכַבֵּד בַּעַל אִמוֹ, כָּל זְמַן שֶׁאִמּוֹ קַיֶמֶת. וְדָבָר הָגוּן הוּא לְכַבְּדָם גַּם לְאַחַר מִיתַת אָבִיו וְאִמּוֹ.

20

You must honor your older brother, regardless if he is a brother from your paternal or maternal parent. You must honor your father-in-law and your mother-in-law (as we find that King David, peace be upon him, honored King Saul, who was his father-in-law and called him, "My father," as he said to him, "My father, see and observe"). You must honor your father's father14 but honor due your father exceeds that of your grandfather.

כ

חַיָב אָדָם בִּכְבוֹד אָחִיו הַגָּדוֹל מִמֶּנוּ, בֵּין שֶהוּא אָחִיו מִן הָאָב בֵּין מִן הָאֵם. וְחַיָב אָדָם בִּכְבוֹד חָמִיו וַחֲמוֹתוֹ, (כִּדְמָצִינוּ בְּדָוִד הַמֶּלֶךְ עָלָיו הַשָּׁלוֹם, שֶׁחָלַק כָּבוֹד לְשָׁאוּל הַמֶּלֶךְ שֶהָיָה חָמִיו וּקְרָאוֹ אָבִי, שֶׁאָמַר לוֹ, אָבי רְאֵה גַּם רְאֵה). וְחַיָּב בִּכְבוֹד אֲבִי אָבִיו. אֶלָּא שֶׁכְּבוֹד אָבִיו, גָּדוֹל מִכְּבוֹד אֲבִי אָבִיו.

21

One who truly wishes to honor his father and his mother should involve himself in Torah study and good deeds, for the greatest honor to parents is when people say, "Fortunate are the father and mother who have reared such a son." If the son does not walk in the right path, his parents suffer humiliation because of him, and he embarrasses them with the utmost embarrassment. Also, the father who truly has compassion on his children will involve himself in Torah study and good deeds, and will please God and mankind, and his children will be proud of him. But he who does not walk in the right path brings disgrace on his children. Also children die because of the iniquity of their fathers as it is written,15 "Visiting the iniquity of fathers on children." There is no greater cruelty than causing his children to die of his sins. Nobody has more compassion on his children than the righteous man, for his merit endures for a thousand generations.

כא

מִי שֶהוּא רוֹצֶה בֶּאֶמֶת לְכַבֵּד אֶת אָבִיו וְאֶת אִמּוֹ, יַעֲסֹק בַּתּוֹרָה וּבְמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים, שֶׁזֶּהו הַכָּבוֹד הַגָּדוֹל לָאָבוֹת, שֶׁאוֹמְרִים הַבְּרִיוֹת, אַשְׁרֵי לְאָב וָאֵם שֶגִדְּלוּ בֵּן כָּזֶה. אֲבָל אִם אֵין הַבֵּן הוֹלֵךְ בַּדֶרֶךְ הַיָשָׁר, הֲרֵי אֲבוֹתָיו יִשְׂאוּ חֶרְפָּה עָלָיו, וְהוּא מְבַיֵשׁ אוֹתָם בְּבוּשָׁה שֶׁאֵין גְּדוֹלָה הֵימֶנָּה. וְכֵן הָאָב שֶׁרוֹצֶה לְרַחֵם עַל בָּנָיו בֶּאֶמֶת, יַעֲסֹק בַּתּוֹרָה וּבְמַעֲשִׂים טוֹבִים, וִיהֵא נוֹחַ לַשָּׁמַיִם וְנוֹחַ לַבְּרִיוֹת, וְיִתְכַּבְּדוּ בָּנָיו בּוֹ. אֲבָל מִי שֶׁאֵינוֹ הוֹלֵךְ בַּדֶּרֶךְ הַיָשָׁר, גַּם זַרְעוֹ מְגֻנֶּה אַחֲרָיו. וְגַם בַּעֲוֹן אָבוֹת, בָּנָיו מֵתִים, כְּדִכְתִיב, פּוֹקֵד עֲוֹן אָבוֹת עַל בָּנִים. וְאֵין אַכְזָרִיוּת גְּדוֹלָה מִזֹּאת, שֶׁהוּא גוֹרֵם בַּחֲטָאָיו שֶׁיָמוּתוּ בָנָיו. וְאֵין לְךָ מְרַחֵם עַל בָּנָיו, יוֹתֵר מִן הַצַּדִּיק, כִּי זְכוּתוֹ עוֹמֶדֶת לְאֶלֶף דוֹר.

22

A convert must not curse his non-Jewish father and he must not humiliate him; in order that they not say: "We came from a holiness [religion] that is significant to a holiness that is inferior." He should treat them with some degree of respect.

כב

גֵר אָסור לְקַלֵּל אָבִיו הַגוֹי וְלֹא יְבַזֵּהוּ, שֶׁלֹּא יֹאמְרוּ, בָּאַנוּ מִקְּדֻשָּׁה חֲמוּרָה לִקְדֻשָּׁה קַלָּה, אֶלָּא נוֹהֵג בָּהֶם מִקְצָת כָּבוֹד.