My Child’s Teacher: What Can I Reasonably Expect?

School has been open for a few weeks, the butterflies and stomach aches that come with the anticipation of a new school year have dissipated by now. They have been replaced by new hopes and old anxieties. The new reality of the school year is taking root as things begin to fall into a regular routine. I recall, as a school principal of three decades, that it was about this time that the calls about the idiosyncratic demands of teachers would come to my desk. There had been enough time for parents to get a feel not only about their children's attitude toward the new school year but for the kind of teachers they have and their expectations. Conversely teachers had begun to size up the kind of homes the children came from and how much of an asset or liability they would be.

"My Debbi's teacher is too demanding"
"We never had so much homework when my other children were in Jr. High"
"Is my Yanky going to get all the help and attention he needs?" and so on.

Of course the parents were for the most part, expressing their own anxieties; some of it justified by the circumstances and some not. Yet, the question of what should reasonably be expected of the teacher is a legitimate one. Many teachers feel that the home too frequently abdicates its responsibilities to the school and has inordinate expectations of teachers. Some parents feel ill-equipped to successfully raise a child in today's world, especially parents of children who have learning or social issues to deal with.

We can all agree, I think, that a teacher should be expected to address the everyday academic and emotional needs of all his or her students; to teach the prescribed curriculum and help students assimilate the skills associated with it. The fact is that we cannot separate the emotional from the intellectual needs of a child and the teacher must address both. Here is one view of some of the issues which parents can reasonably expect a teacher to deal with.

For a child's emotional wellbeing:

• It is incumbent upon the teacher to make every child feel wanted; to feel worthwhile and appreciated in the learning environment we call the classroom. When Miriam does something praiseworthy (no matter how small it may be) she should be praised, and when she has earned a compliment it will be made in a meaningful way. When she is absent she needs to feel that she is being missed. I recall hearing from a mother that a teacher said to a class upon her child's return after an absence, “Okay class, we have to slow down. Miriam is back”. I used to instruct teachers to find things to complement a child about daily. A child's success is dependent in many ways upon his feeling appreciated and wanted.

• The grading system must be able to acknowledge good effort and hard work as much as achievement. Benjy needs to know what is expected of him. He needs to fully appreciate what kinds of behaviors are acceptable and which are not. He needs to know what the rules are; what is acceptable, what is not and what the consequences of noncompliance are. When he does something wrong he needs to understand why what he did was unacceptable, he needs to know what he did that earned the ire of his teacher, so that he can accept the consequences. I can not count the times children were sent to my office for committing what the teacher thought was a major infraction and the child had no idea of what crime he had committed. In most cases that was either because the teacher's rules were ambiguous or that the behavior was acceptable in his home environment.

• Abbie needs to feel that he is capable of personal success; that he is able to successfully handle all his classroom responsibilities. He needs to know that if he works hard and plays by the rules he will be successful. That is not to say he is guaranteed an A, but rather that he will be made to feel that his time and effort are appreciated. The grading system must be able to acknowledge good effort and hard work as much as achievement. The teacher must not only pay lip service to this idea but demonstrate in practice that the effort of all children is appreciated.

• Rivkah needs to know that her teacher will create a healthy social environment in the classroom; relationships and friendships will be guided by the teacher. It is reasonable to expect that the teacher will guide the classroom's interpersonal attitudes, their speech and behavior toward one another; that the teacher will keep an eye on the children's social interactivity and help guide the class toward positive social development. For example, the teacher will help Rivkah gain acceptance by her peers and will not allow her or any child to be bullied. She also needs to know that if she behaves unacceptably she will be corrected but not ostracized.

For a child's intellectual wellbeing:

• Shimmy must know what is expected of him. He needs to fully understand all instructions given by the teacher and precisely what he is expected to do. Not all children “get it” the first time, so it is reasonable to expect that the teacher will take the time and make the effort to help all children understand what is expected.

• It is reasonable to expect all teachers have an inordinate reservoir of patience. As professionals teachers must treat every child with respect and be appreciative of both their strengths and weaknesses and to help every child learn to compensate for his weaknesses. If a child has, for example, what appears to be poor recall (short term memory) the teacher will help the child find ways to compensate (mnemonic devices and the like). There is a myriad of methodologies and tricks of the trade, so to speak; that every teacher must employ in order to be able to reach every individual student. It is reasonable to expect that a teacher will make the effort to use all the educational tools at his disposal to help children learn.

• There is no such thing as normal. There may be an average within a class but that is merely a mathematical equation. Children bring different individual strengths and weakness to the classroom so it is reasonable to ask that the teacher's expectations cater to individual abilities. Benjy and Michael may be best friends but they are equipped with very different cognitive abilities. It is reasonable to expect that the teacher will take the time to reach them both. We would never expect a shoe salesman to try a "one size fits all" approach, why should we even contemplate the idea when it comes top the most sensitive and highly individualized part of our physical makeup? Normative expectations are set up as a point of departure not as a prescription.

• Finally, it is reasonable to expect that if a teacher feels that he has exhausted his bag of tricks, he will seek advice and assistance of his peers and superiors and not give up on the child. In the event he feels he has reached the equivalent of a brick wall, he will be honest with the school administration and the parents about what he has tried, what has worked and what hasn’t and be open to the assistance of a professional. Never will he sweep a problem under the rug.

There is a similar list in my mind of reasonable expectations which teachers may have of parents; next installment.