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Ensure that the deceased receives a proper Jewish burial, consisting of a Tahara (purification of the body), a Shomer (a Jewish person to stay with the deceased until burial), Tachrichim (traditional shrouds), a "traditional kosher" casket, and proper burial in the ground, by the Chevra Kaddisha.
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Male mourners should recite the Mourner's Kaddish with a Minyan (quorum of ten Jewish males over age thirteen) at the gravesite after the burial, and for eleven months following the passing.
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Mourn the departed in full accordance with Jewish law and tradition.
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Give additional charity by placing several coins in a charity box before and after prayer each day in honor of the departed soul.
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Men should lead the three daily prayer services in the Shiva home and recite the Mourner's Kaddish. Following Shiva, men should lead the three daily prayer services in the synagogue for eleven months, if mourning parents.
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Light a candle in the synagogue every day for the first year, in honor of the departed soul.
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Commit to improving one's observance of a mitzva, and to inspiring one's children to do the same.
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Donate Jewish books to the local synagogue or Jewish school, inscribing in them "In honor of..." the Hebrew name of the deceased, and that of his or her father, "...of blessed memory."
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Study as many tractates of the Mishna (codified compilation of Jewish law) as possible, dividing the rest between volunteers. If possible, the entire Mishna should be completed by the Shloshim (thirty days from the burial). A chart for its division between several people is provided on page 279.
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Recite the Yizkor (memorial prayer) in the synagogue on the last day of Passover, on the second day of Shavuot, on Shemini Atzeret, and on Yom Kippur.
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Visit the gravesite to recite prayers and Psalms.
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Place a pebble on the gravestone to mark your presence.
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Care for the gravesite. Make sure it does not become over-grown with weeds or fall into disrepair.
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Name a new baby with the Hebrew name of the departed.
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Join the Discussion
My late mom (may she rest in peace loved her garden and we always went together to the nurseries and really looked after her garden. I have planted a small garden on her grave to honour her and when visiting the grave make sure it is always weeded and blooming.
Is this really a sin?
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After death
After being part of a Kabbalah class, and much deliberation, I have decided not to get Cremated, although much more difficult a task for my non-Jewish Husband.
We have no children and no Family anywhere near us, so I guess I need to take care of what I can in advance. Any suggestions as to how I go about that?
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Kadish? Reply
To Lori a. There are many who are stringent even regarding taped music, as it also serves to uplift the spirits. b. Regarding weddings, even if there would not be music, a mourner would not attend these kinds of festive gatherings. In the case of a close relative or friend getting married, please discuss your options with a qualified Orthodox rabbi. Reply
listening to music during the 12 month period Can one listen to taped music while cleaning, cooking...etc. Also, if one goes to a wedding of a relative, can they eat in the hall with music in the background and with the rest of the guests or must they eat alone? Reply
RE: Sharing Tradition
Joy,
I am so happy to hear that your grandchild was named for a special grandfather. May the little one be a source of nachas to you, the parents and everyone else!
To answer your question, the default name that a person has is the name of his father. This is not unlike the fact that most people take the family name of the father. Jewish legal documents (ketubahs etc.) all use the name of the father.
The exception to the rule is when praying for a person who is ill. In that case, we are referred to with the name of our mothers. Here is a lovely article that explains why this is so.
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Sharing Tradition
Thank you. I have forwarded your link to someone (not familiar with Chabad) in need of guidance for traditionally honoring the deceased.
The only remaining action in honoring the deceased, my husband, z"l, is that our grandchild was just named for his neshama. That makes me feel good that this Hebrew naming was done at Torah.
After death, why is the deceased Hebrew name when used, changed to child of the FATHER, and not the mother? Does it matter if child is son or daughter?
Thank you.
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The reply is posted above Joy's comment, by Rabbi Posner. Reply
no to cremation
Organ donation is great - if you know that it is going to be transplanted into a specific known person, not used for study, etc. Please discuss with your local orthodox Rabbi.
Aside from that, Hitler, may his name be erased, burned Jews. Please don't allow yourself or anyone else to be cremated. It's not only frowned on, it's absolutely against halacha, Jewish law.
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Sephardic Traditions...
My father just passed (June 6th, 2012/Sivan 16, 5772). I never paid much attention to our customs until now.
As I'm doing my best to observe (I'm Sephardic), I've noticed quite a few differences between the Sephardic and Ashkenazi traditions.
Is there a book of Sephardic traditions I could get from somewhere so that I could observe in a righteous manner?
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cremation After I die I will not have family to visit my grave and if I did I would prefer that they spend their day in a more pleasant way. I want to be cremated and donate my organs. Is this frowned upon? Reply
Flowers on graves I found the article most interesting and the Jewish customs to honour the souls of the desceased. I particularly like the idea of donating books to the synagogue or Jewish school in their honor. Reply
traditions Jewish traditions and laws are as beautiful as the religion itself. Thank you for sharing. Reply
pet Both of my parents adored my dog. Is it alright if he visits the grave along with me? He is very well behaved, and actually was at my Mom's grave once where he whimpered and laid down in front of her grave. It was quite extraordinary! Reply
ways to honour the soul of the deceased. The above article has opened up my eyes, although my religion is Islam. Reply
flowers the idea of not putting flowers on a grave is asur (forbidden) for Ashkenazim. Not so with Sephardim who are just as kosher and frum as we Jews from Eastern Europe. Another example: among Ashkenazim, one does not name a child after a living relative. Among Sephardim it is ok do so. Reply
Thank you for sharing this. Reply
Texts
Is it just the Jewish name that counts or also English?