After giving this advice to a young man who was about to get married, I shared it with a few of my wife’s friends. Their response was unanimous: “Would you share this with my husband?”

I am sharing it in the hope that it will be helpful to someone.

  1. When your wife does or says something hurtful—and it will happen—just move on. Yes, your wife gets emotional and irrational. Just forget about it. But don’t expect this to work the other wayDoes it really matter in the long run? around. Never assume that she will forget anything you’ve done wrong.
  2. Before you criticize her, ask yourself if it really matters in the long run. Are you better off letting things slide?
  3. Be ready, and happy, to go to counseling. This is especially true in the first year. You will be grateful you do. Better to deal with a small issue now than a huge, unfixable problem later. Simply put: What makes sense to you sounds silly to her, and vice versa, because women think in a totally different way than you do. Counseling will help you understand each other better.
  4. Find ways to make her laugh every day. It doesn’t matter what you do, even small funny things. She will appreciate it.
  5. Never raise your voice. It will trigger an instinct to flee and protect herself. You will have a hard time getting back to normalcy after shouting. You might not realize that men tend to raise their voices a lot. We yell to make a point. Women yell only if they are angry. And so, when your voice is raised, they register “he is angry at me.”
  6. Compliment her every day. Find things to compliment. It could be something she did, or something she is wearing. Let her know that you notice her and value her.
  7. Buy her flowers. Flowers say a lot. They say “I like you.” They say “I am thinking of you.” They say “I appreciate you.” They say “You are beautiful to me.” They say “Although I’m a guy, and flowers that will die in a week are the biggest waste of money and make absolutely no sense, you are still more than worth it to me.” If you are low on cash, buy one flower, or even better, pick some wildflowers.
  8. Ignore statements such as “You don’t have to buy me a gift for my birthday.” Buy her a gift.
  9. Treat her with respect. Do chivalrous things. Open the door for her. Help her with her coat. Help her into her seat. Bring her tea in a pretty cup, and sit with her and listen. Make herFlowers say a lot feel taken care of. Make her feel like a princess. Of course, you won’t be able to do it all the time, but do it often enough that she knows how you feel about her.
  10. When she gets dressed up, take a moment to notice and tell her how pretty she looks. She spent a lot of time and energy getting dressed. Let her know that you appreciate her. Learn these words:


Try to use the right word.